Sausage

Shit. I accidentally ate meat today. As a payday treat I stopped by McDonald's for breakfast this morning and I ordered the new Egg White Delight McMuffin without the Canadian bacon and a large coffee. I got my food and headed out on the highway. I was still fuzzy from sleep and my coffee was to hot to drink so I ate my hash-brown first and enjoyed the delicious crispy potatoey taste. Then I unwrapped my sandwich and began to eat it mindlessly. About halfway through I looked down and saw I was eating a sausage McMuffin. I thought for a minute and decided "in for a penny in for a pound". I shrugged my shoulders and finished off my sandwich.

The interesting thing was I didn't discover the sandwich mistake by taste. I just took bites and chewed and chewed and chewed. Apparently, I wasn't tasting the sandwich. Just eating. I'll have to remember this incident and be more careful in the future.

Vegetarianism

What is healthy eating? For me, it has always been a hard concept to grasp. How do I look at a piece of food and decide that it is something I should put in my mouth. I often feel that my eating habits are my downfall so almost two week ago I decided to try something new. Vegetarianism. I've always thought about becoming a vegetarian but I’ve never made the conscious decision to go for it.

I was talking to a friend on the phone last week when he accidentally told me something a mutual friend said about me. He said this person commented that I never ordered healthy foods whenever we ate out I always chose the unhealthiest food option on the menu. I was a little stunned when he said that to me. Instead of getting angry I decided to use that information to evaluate myself. I knew when I go out to eat I often order the burger and fries, or a steak and a dessert with a rich side dish and a vegetable rarely graces my plate. When I woke up Sunday morning I made up my mind to not eat meat for the week. I told very few people of my decision because I didn't want to hear their judgments or condemnations. Plus, I didn't know how long it would stick and if it was the right decision for me.

In preparation for my new interest I spent several hours pouring over my cookbooks trying to find tasty ways to prepare vegetables. Was that an oxymoron? Was there such a thing as a tasty vegetable? All I could think about while I was reading the cookbooks was that it would never taste as good as a cheeseburger. Or Ice cream or cookies or bacon. When I was looking for recipes I concentrated on recipes where the vegetable was the star. I didn't want to give up meat to load up on carbs or fats.

The food party started on Sunday with a trip to two stores and for fun I dragged a friend along for the ride. We started out at Costco where I grabbed several items, kale, almond butter, broccoli, quinoa tabolui, water softener salt and cat litter. I know the last two items are not food but they were a pain in the ass. I couldn't lift the water softener salt off the pallet at the store and I had to use my limited supply of charm to get a stock-person to help me put it in the cart. Also, when I was finished I had 200 pounds of salt and 40 pounds of cat litter and the cart and it was frickin heavy.

After I heaved the heavy load into my car I cajoled my companion into joining me for shopping part deux at Walmart. The first thing I discovered was that Walmart was not the best place to go when you are looking for healthy foods. They have aisles upon aisles of cookies, candies, boxed meals and frozen pizzas. Basically, all the bad food was tempting me from many sides so I had to don my iron will and not put a box of cookies or ice cream into my cart.

When I got home on Sunday night I spent three hours preparing food so I could start the week out on the right foot. The first thing I wanted to make was a zucchini muffin thing. It wasn't exactly a muffin but they were supposed to be made in a muffin pan. I used a cheese grater to grate two large zucchini and onions. I also added garlic, salt and pepper, cheese, egg and some breadcrumbs. I was very proud when I looked down at my dish and at the last minute I decided to grate up the final zucchini and add it to the bowl. Unfortunately, that was when disaster struck.

clank..clank..clank

Yep, that was the sound of the mixing bowl falling out of my hand, hitting the chair and falling upside down on the kitchen floor. Disgusting. I almost burst into tears to see an hours worth of work and several days worth of food upside down on the floor. FUCK! The food couldn't be salvaged as it was wet and stick and properly stuck to the floor. With a look of disgust on my face I got the little broom out and scoped it all into the trash can. At least I had one remaining zucchini left and I was able to remake the dish in a smaller quantity.

After I finished the second batch of the zucchini mixture I made a last minute decision to bake it in a flat glass pan and not in a muffin pan. I made this decision primarily because I didn't want to crawl on the floor looking for the muffin tins. When that was in the oven I moved on to my next task. Kale Chips. Sounds yummy right. Okay, not really but I was willing to give it a shot. I took the fresh kale out of the package and put it in a bowl and I added some garlic, oil and salt and stirred it up. Then I placed in on a baking sheet and put it on the oven. Super easy dish.

While those two things were cooking I started on my lunches for the week. A friend, Layla, gave me a bean soup recipe several months ago that I made for a company function and it proved to be tasty. The dish included one can of the following items: corn, black beans, pinto beans, rotel tomatoes, and diced tomatoes. It also has one packet of ranch dressing and taco seasoning. I put it all together and let it simmer on the stove for about an hour.

About this time I looked around and realized that the ENTIRE kitchen was a disaster. Things were everywhere. Ingredients were open all over the counters and food particles were on the floor. Gross. I shook my head and checked on the two items in the oven. I flipped the kale over so it could cook on the other side and shut the oven.

While I was waiting for the the food in the oven I cut up some strawberries to add to my lunches. A few minutes later the timer dinged and the kale chips were ready. Hmm...it looked weird. The kale had dried out, which was the idea I guess, and they looked like fall leaves. Really, they looked like perfectly shaped fall leaves.





At that moment the roommate came out of her cave room and walked in the kitchen. The look on her face while she asked me the next question was priceless. "What the hell is that?" I replied that it was my dinner and shrugged my shoulders. I held up a leaf and offered her the first bite but she declined. I popped the leaf into my mouth and I felt it crumble up into tiny pieces as I chewed and I told the roommate that it was yummy. It wasn't entirely yummy but I still ate it. I filled my plate with leaves and walked into the living room. The roommate watched me the entire way and couldn't stop laughing. Apparently, me saying my dinner was a plate of kale was too much for her to take. I could see where she was coming from. It looked odd and not anything at all like dinner.

But that was the point. I was trying to move out of my food comfort zone and try some new things. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. The zucchini dish turned out pretty well. However, I did wish I had cooked it in the muffin tins so all the edges got crunchy but it had a nice flavor and it was filling. I think I would try that recipe again with a few tweaks.

After I finished eating it took me an hour to clean up the kitchen. Damn, cooking was hard work. Plus, I had to mop the floor from the zucchini disaster. The last thing I did before bed was prepare the ingredients for my breakfast smoothie. Since I'm not a morning person I thought it was a good idea to measure out all the ingredients into a glass so I only had to pour it into the blender in the morning. Then I went to bed.

Monday morning started as usual. My alarm rang for 45 minutes while I ignored it and stayed in bed half asleep. When I finally rolled out I had to rush to get to work on time. After my shower I wandered into the kitchen to make breakfast. I took the glass out of the fridge and held it over the blender.

Nothing happened.

I tried to shake the glass but it was stuck. Guess what happens when the last ingredient you add to the glass is almond butter and then you add refrigeration. Right. That shit was stuck. After some prodding with a knife I got most of it out and into the blender. Then I took the container of frozen bananas out of the freezer. Oops, apparently I could have done a better job freezing the bananas. They were all stuck together and I had to chisel them with a knife to get them out of the pan. After my initial difficulty the smoothly tasted pretty good.

I think the first week went pretty well and I was happy with my decision. There were several more food adventures but I will include them in an upcoming blog post. I find that making my mind up to start a new adventure is often the hardest part but once I've made the decision I can usually stick to it. Its been 13 days and so far so good.

Kentucky Fun

In April the four "C"'s took a trip to Louisville for a weekend. Ok, all our names don't start with a C but they all sound the same. Karen, Kristine, Casey and Candace. The original idea was to go to Louisville for the Derby but after some research we decided that wasn't such a good idea. The tickets were expensive and if you purchased the affordable tickets you couldn't see the race. Therefore, after some discussion we decided to go the weekend before the derby so we could see some horse-racing but not be in the middle of craziness.

Our first stop in Louisville was the Churchill Downs museum. It was a central place for us to start our touristy fun unfortunately there was one slight problem. Louisville was holding their annual marathon that morning and most of the roads were closed around the racetrack. After a few minutes of aimless driving we stopped and I got out of the car to talk to a police officer directing traffic. I was sure he would know the best way for us to get to the museum. Nope! It turns out that he wasn't interested in giving us directions but there was a guy standing around that helped us out. The police office let us cross the barricaded road and the stranger led us through the mess and to the museum. Ok, sort of. We found the museum but parking was a bitch. We drove around for fifteen minutes looking for the right person to tell us where to park. We saw the parking lot but the entrance eluded us and it was annoying.

This is a statue of famous horse jockey Pat Day. The legend around the statue is that he always wanted to be five feet tall and he finally fulfilled that wish with this statue. It is just a little larger than life size.

 This horse was a ham. He knew people were taking photos and he posed for all the tourist. He seemed to love the attention.

 After the museum we headed over to the Brown Hotel for lunch. We all had Hot Browns and derby pie for lunch and this was the best meal we had all weekend. Super super awesome and not to be missed.

 After lunch we walked around the beautiful historic hotel and posed for several photos.

 I wanted to be queen for the day.

We were scheduled to go on a historic home tour after lunch but we ran out of time.I decided I still wanted to go on a tour and we found the historic home area and took a walk around a few blocks. The homes were old and beautiful and had tons of character and I wish I had taken some photos. Perhaps one day I will have the means to purchase a lovely old house.

After our walk we drove to our lodging. Karen found this fantastic B&B and we stayed in the large attic room. It included a big bedroom, a sitting room and a smaller bedroom. There was plenty of room for the four of us. This large four poster bed was so tall that I needed to use the footstool to climb to the top.

 This little table and chairs was also in the bedroom and there was sherry in the crystal decanter.

 The next morning I took a walk around the grounds and found the cute little gazebo room. I walked up, looked in the window and immediate backtracked to the driveway. When I looked in the window I saw a fluffy white wedding dress and a black tuxedo crumpled on the couch. Apparently, the room was very occupied and I was just looking in their windows. Oops.

 The old house had a gorgeous front porch. It had a nice view of the yard, trees and neighborhood. Honestly, once I sat in the chair I never wanted to leave it. It was so peaceful and relaxing. I could imagine spending hours sitting in the chair and reading books.

 After our cooked to order breakfast we headed out to try some Bourbon. We found a free Bourbon tour and tasting about an hour south of Louisville. As soon as we stepped out of the car at the Four Roses Distillery we could smell the yeast and my mouth began to water. All I could think about was yeast rolls with honey butter. Unfortunately, they didn't serve us rolls but we did get to taste four different Bourbons.

 The winner is....The Four Roses Small Batch.  Yummy!  I could imagine myself sipping it on a cold evening sitting by the fire.

It was a great weekend trip with great friends and I hope it will be repeated often.

The Friend Zone

A friend sent my writing group a notice of an online publication that was accepting flash fiction stories for publication. The email inspired me to write a story called "The Friend Zone" and I submitted the story to Fireside Magazine at the end of April. Today, I got the following rejection letter.

"Dear Candace,

Thank you for your submission of "The Friend Zone" to Fireside, but we've decided not to accept it for publication. Please forgive the form letter, but due to the high volume of submissions we can't respond personally on each story. We appreciate your interest in Fireside.

Sincerely,

X X"

Boo!  That wasn't how I wanted to start my Monday morning.  However, now that my submission was rejected my loyal blog readers get to read my story.

Enjoy!

The Friend Zone

By csrulebreaker

Yvette knew she was attracted to Joel the first time she saw him in the dark pub. He wore faded jeans, a Star Trek t-shirt and a red Live Long and Prosper ball cap. She loved men who sported well-loved and fitted ball caps. Something about seeing the hat on his head and how it framed his face made her feel alive and interested.

Yvette had been a member of the weekly trivia group for three years and this was the first time she encountered a man who was cute and shared her love of Star Trek. She was seated at the opposite end of the table from Joel and she didn’t have much opportunity to talk to him. However, she spent the rest of the night ignoring the trivia and daydreamed about Joel.

She called her three closest friends the next week before trivia to have them help her figure out the best way to connect with Joel.  Quickly, they decided the best option was for everyone to arrive early and to leave only one seat open right next to her.  While she was at work that week she found herself doodling his name on her notepad and daydreaming about their next encounter. The more she thought about him the more infatuated she became however, she didn’t want to enter the dreaded friend zone with him. That was always her big move and her biggest mistake.  To boost her confidence on Thursday she wore her Star Trek t-shirt, earrings and panties.

Her plan worked and she and her friends arrived well before Joel. When he arrived he took the only available seat, right next to her, and both games began. She was nervous and excited. As they started their conversation she could almost hear her heart melting and feel herself fall into infatuation. Yvette asked him about his favorite Dr. Who episode and the conversation flowed easily between them. He was shy but willing to share his personal information and she soaked up everything she could learn from him. However, she couldn’t tell if he was interested.  He seemed to treat her the same way he treated everyone else.  Was that an indication of disinterest or was he shy around women?

The third week Yvette saw Joel was pivotal. She had a plan. She had a horrible habit of falling into the dreaded friend zone with every man she met. She would talk to them, be friendly and attentive but nothing. Often he would date one of her friends and her fragile heart would be crushed. She knew whatever happened that she didn’t want to fall into the friend zone with Joel and she decided to ask him on a date. She wouldn’t normally be so bold and ask a man out but she didn’t want to repeat her past mistakes. That was her “goto” move. Make friends and hope it would turn into something better.  Up until this point that tactic allowed her to make many friends and no boyfriends. She decided it was time for a change.

The evening went well.  The group came in second place in that week’s trivia challenge and she kept up a friendly banter with Joel. At the end of the evening she lingered around the table and hoped to have a private word with him. Her heart pounded out of her chest and her hands were cold and clammy. She took a deep breath and blurted out, “Joel, would you like to meet for drinks tomorrow night?”

“Sure, who else will be there?”

What-the-hell! She looked directly at him and said, “Just us. Usually, only two people go on a date.”

“Um, uh.Um. Ok, good. That sounds good. See you tomorrow night.”

She thought carefully before she dressed for the date. She wanted to get the right mix of cute and nerdy while incorporating sexy. She wanted to be viewed as an available woman and not as a friend. She decided to wear her low rise, perfectly faded jeans with a tight black scoop neck top with a tiny Star Trek symbol on the right side. She added her best geek jewelry and even spent forty-five minutes preparing her makeup. After a few minutes of indecision, she decided to go for the black knee high boots and not the sneakers. She had to keep reminding herself that she wasn’t trying to make a new friend and she needed to make a serious attempt to be attractive.

She arrived ten minutes early and he was already there. She smiled to herself and walked over to Joel sitting at the long mahogany bar. He got up as she walked over and pointed to a two person booth in the corner. She was impressed that he decided to move to a more intimate space with her.

As soon as they sat down the conversation flowed smoothly. They had so many interests and hobbies in common. She often had intense and enjoyable conversations with people but it felt different with Joel. The words and opinions came out of her mouth so easily. There was never a lull in the conversation or an awkward moment and she felt her attraction mounting as the evening progressed.

The pub began to thin out and Yvette realized they had sat and talked for four and a half hours. That was an amazing amount of time to spend on a first date, but it was time for it to end. Yvette got up and Joel followed her outside to her car. She turned around to say goodnight and she was swooped into his arms. He gave her a passionate kiss that lasted forever. Yvette’s mind turned off during the kiss and she fell into the moment. When the passion subsided Joel gave her a bear hug and put her in the car.

The date was a success and Yvette was thrilled. She had successfully avoided the dreaded friend zone.

Naked Boobs and other not so obscene disappointments!

Dali Atomicus (1948) by Halsman

The above photo is a reproduction of a famous photograph that features Salavador Dali jumping in the air. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this print! I saw an article about it online and as soon as I saw it I knew I needed to buy the print. I discovered allposters.com and I took a deep breath and spent $100 for a framed version. I've had it in my house for the last seven years and I have never been bored by it. When I was upgraded to an office last November I knew it was the one item that I wanted to transition from my house to work.
The print has been hanging in my office for the last five month and it has generated a positive response.  People often stop by and ask me about it and the recognize Dali. On Wednesday it's peaceful existence ended and I was asked to take it down. Apparently, there are two sets of naked boobs in this print. Stop now and find both of them!

Did you find them? Apparently, someone at work saw the naked boobs got upset and complained to HR. They were offended by the boobs. Then my boss had to give me a talk. He walked into my office and stared at the print for at least five minutes before he spoke. While he was standing there I just kept working  and briefly wondered what he was doing but I knew he would eventually speak. When he found the boob problem he shut my door and told me I had to take it home while laughing heartily.

I was in trouble but not serious trouble and the boss found it funny but I still had to take it home. I was bummed that the one thing that said something about me in my office had to be removed.

Book Club

Sap. I'm full of sap this week thinking about my eight year anniversary with book club. E-I-G-H-T frickin years! It is absolutely astounding to me that it's stayed alive so long. There have been several moments when I thought it was going to die a slow painful death. However, we've been lucky enough to have several infusions of new members to keep the group alive.

I remember the first time I attended book club. I was extremely nervous about meeting new people. My hands were damp and I am sure I was shaking. I had never joined a group with strangers and I was worried about all the unknown factors. What if they didn't think I was smart enough to be in their club, what if they didn't like me, what if the members were crazy serial killers? My list of unwarranted fears was endless.

I joined the group because, up until that point, I hadn't been able to make any new friends in Indianapolis. I had lived in the city for four years and I wasn't finding friends. I kept trying to meet people at work but it wasn't working for me because most of my co-workers were very different than me. They had husbands and children and were not interested in books or musicals or museums or hiking or adventures. I couldn't find a kindred spirit.

During that time I had a good friend, Andie, but she lived in Florida and we never saw each other. We talked on the phone several times a week but it wasn't enough to fulfill my socialization needs. I was lonely and tired of staying at home by myself every night and weekend. I decided to take action on my loneliness and I found the "Progressive Book Club" group on meetup.com. Those were the days when meetup was free, new and relatively unknown. I took the giant leap from my comfort zone, joined the group and purchased the book. I was prepared and terrified for the first meeting.

I don't remember the book we discussed but I do remember meeting Moorewrites that warm spring night. She was very friendly and made it easy to bond. After the first meeting we stood outside and talked for a while and she asked me if I was interested in going to a club to dance. I said yes even thought I really dislike dancing as a way to initiate our friendship. In the end we never did go dancing but we started meeting for brunch every few weeks with Carrie. Carrie was the second person I remember meeting. I liked the insightful things she had to say about the books and her personal story fascinated me. I accomplished my goal and was in the beginning stages of making new and interesting friends.

Moorewrites, Carrie and I quickly became friends. I remember feeling so happy that I found people with whom I could have an interesting conversation. Plus, no one appeared to be a serial killer. It was the beginning of a new life for me in Indianapolis. I felt that I finally found a place where I belonged. Over time I became friends with many of the other members of the group and enjoyed a varied social life.

The book club started out as a social outlet for me but it has evolved over time. In the beginning I was in the group for the socialization. However, as time passed I discovered that I really wanted to discuss the books as much as I wanted to talk to my friends. That is the part that I love about book club today, talking about and analyzing books. I feel energized and inspired being around other people who love the same thing I do and enjoy discussing every aspect of a book.

We've read so many books in the last eight years I thought I would list some of the more memorable reads.

05/2005 The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula LeGuin - This was the second book I read for bc and I still think about this book and it’s story. More importantly I remember after we read the book and were discussing it how happy I felt to be in a group of women who were intelligent and insightful. It was nice to be around people who could say more about the book than it was good or it was bad. This book also reignited my love of science fiction.

07/2008 The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory – Until I had read this story my only exposure to historical fiction was the clichéd formulaic historical romance. It was nice to find something that was well written, engaging and had the “never wanted to put it down” quality.

06/2009 Gehenna by Paul Thigpen – I talked about this book for weeks after I finished reading it and I asked all my friends what level of hell they thought they might settle in. What was more interesting was that many people would not disclose where they thought they would end up. I guess most people don’t want to confront their darker side.

02/2011 One Second After by William Forstchen – This book was very memorable. I had daydreams for weeks after I finished reading the story on what I would do if life changed so drastically in an instant. I believe my final conclusion was that I would die. I probably don’t have the fight instincts to live in such a chaotic society.

08/2012 Wool: Omnibus Edition Hugh Howey – I enjoyed the various Wool books but I really like Hugh Howey’s success as a self published author. I love that he worked in a book store and was able to self-publish his novels and make a living off of his work. He is an inspiration to me and many hopeful writers.

I believe that going to the first book club meeting was a pivotal moment in my life. It pointed me in a new direction and allowed me to exercise parts of my brain that were lying dormant as I sat at home alone watching bad TV every night.

I'm so grateful that I found the progressive book club and I've had the pleasure of meeting so many wonderful people as a result of the group. There are four of us that have been around since 2005 and several who have been members for a long time.

Live Long and Prosper Book Club!

AP Gal

Having an easy going persona at work is hard. I don’t want to let every little comment I hear bother me and I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.  However, something uncomfortable happened at work a week ago and I can’t seem to shake it. It made me aware of my ego and how important the way I’m perceived at work is to me.

Several executives and I were copied on an email from a co-worker about a problem with an employee. The colleague was trying to keep me out of the correspondence with the employee and she dealt with it herself. In doing so she referred to me as the "AP Gal" in the body of the email. EEK....stop the buss. “THE AP GAL” I DID NOT LIKE THAT! Why would she say that?

An “AP Gal” refers to the person at a company who processes the accounts payable. I have only ever seen women perform this job. I wasn’t offended by the gal part but more by the AP part. This person usually has an associate’s degree or lower and the average pay rate is about $12 an hour.

I was once an “AP Gal”. It was my first accounting job and it was a good way to get my start out of college. However, I’ve worked super hard to advance my career. I finished my bachelor’s degree and started my MBA while I was the “AP Gal”. After I finished my MBA I have steadily progressed my career to the point where I am at today. I am now the Staff Accountant for a health care company. We are small so I currently perform a variety of tasks including the lower level AP data entry to high level implantation projects.

My mind started to race at 100 miles per hour. Is that how she thinks about me? Does she really know what I do? Does she know I have an MBA? Does she know that an "AP gal" is perceived as a lower level job? I've had those kinds of jobs and I've worked hard to move forward and progress my career.  I know that I may be sensitive to that term. More importantly I know respect comes as a perception at work and not from the actual quality of my work. I don't want my co-workers or superiors to see me as a low level employee and I don't want to give them any reason to not respect me.

My intense reaction to those two little words surprised me. I hadn't realized that my ego was so large. I try to be low key. I’ve known several people who like to put all their credentials behind their name no matter how miniscule. I don’t want to be the kind of person who finds that necessary. I want people to recognize my skills and knowledge base without my having to advertise my education or credentials. I don’t want to be cocky or to be known as the egotist at work. That isn’t the image I want to present, however, I don't want to feel belittled or degraded.

I’m glad I recognize how my ego can get out of control. I’ve learned how much a few simple words can hurt my feelings and demolish my self-worth in my head. Now that I am conscious of my sensitivity I can try to squelch it before it gets out of control.

Unfortunately, I was still thinking with the emotional part of my mind couldn't let it go. Every time I saw the person who used those dirty words I cringed. On Thursday afternoon I saw the word offender walk by my office and I waved at her to come in and chat. We talked about a few work problems and we had some pleasantries and then I said it plainly. I told her that I didn't like how she referred to me in the email and I would prefer to not be referred to as the “AP Gal” in the future. My confrontation surprised her and she tried to explain her actions.

I accepted her explanation and I don't think she used those words to offend me. And to my surprise she seemed receptive to the uncomfortable conversation. I appreciated her not taking offensive at my directness.

I don’t want to be offended by the incident and I don’t like what it said about me. As far as I understand the co-worker did not have bad intentions. I try to evaluate a person’s intentions before I judge them. Generally speaking I don’t think people go out of their way to hurt others intentionally. I think I knew in my heart the she wasn’t trying to look down on me but I just couldn’t stop the negative emotions from surfacing.

I’m glad I acted like an adult in this situation and I confronted her. I think directness is easier to handle than the bitchy passive aggressive behavior of many of my co-workers. It has helped put the bad feelings behind me.

I feel like this entire situation was a good learning experience. I am glad I recognized the extent of my ego as well as how sensitive I am about my work status. I know I can work on being more confident in the future. Furthermore, I am pleased that directness worked for me in this situation. Human reactions can go positive or negative so quickly and I was happy/surprised with her positive reaction to my directness. Some people appreciate it and others don’t because they loathe confrontation. However, I think it is more palatable to me to be direct than it is for me to hold bad feelings inside. It is just important to know when it is appropriate and when it isn’t.