Still Sad

Christmas 2003 - Sis and Sarah

I wrote a blog a few weeks ago about the unexpected death of Sis (remember...brothers ex-wife's mother).  The funeral was Saturday and it was sad.  The service was held in the church that Bill (her husband) was the pastor of for many years until they retired and moved to Florida.  The funeral service was nice and was what you would expect from a Methodist funeral service.  Traditional and sedate.  One of the special things about the service was that the pastor officiating the service had known Bill and Sis for 20 plus years and he was a close family friend.  I think having that connection makes the service more special.

When my mom passed away in 2004 Bill was kind enough to drive all the way to Ohio and stay overnight in a hotel to preside over my mothers services.  In her case we did it in the funeral home and not in a Church.  But it was nice that he knew my mother and he had personal things to say about her as well as knowing the right kinds of questions to ask my brother and I in the pre-funeral interview.

After the church service Bill had arranged an "after-party" at Maggiano's.  I am not sure if the right words are "after-party" but that is what it was.  Food and drink and talk about Sis.  The lunch was the best part of the day.  There was an open bar (um...I may have had several drinks) and a three course meal.  After dinner but before dessert Bill decided to stand up and talk about his late wife and encourage others to do the same.  He was very eloquent and it was nice to hear some new things about his marriage to Sis and some of the ups and downs of being married almost 55 years.  He was a great speaker and I am glad that he was able to convey his emotions to his family. When he was done talking several other family members stood up and spoke from their hearts.  It was nice to hear the little stories about Sis and why each person loved her.

My brother was the last speaker and he was very emotional.  He had a hard time getting through his speech and it was nice that he was able to find the right words to say how much Sis meant to him.   I regret that I didn't speak.  I had things to say but I was shy.  There is an old quote that you can only regret the things that you don't try.  I regret not speaking from my heart. 

When my brother sat down he said it was time for him to turn off his emotion chip.  Just like Data.  I agree.  I don't like to convey that much emotion in front of others but I always find writing the words easier.  This is what I would have said about Sis had I had the courage to stand up and talk about my feelings.

"Sis was awesome and I will miss her.  She was always very kind and caring.  I am grateful that she included me and my mother in her family gatherings and she always made us feel welcome. 

I remember traveling to Florida with Lou after he was divorced from Tricia and staying at Bill and Sis's house.  She was open and generous and most importantly, treated us as if we were still part of the family.  She gave up her bed so I would have a comfortable place to sleep and she opened her house to me.  That was a excellent Christmas trip and very relaxing. 

I remember talking to her about my career before she retired and left Indy.  She were so free with her advise and she was always willing to listen to me drone on and on about how much I was dissatisfied with my job.

However, I will always remember her as the person who taught me how to hug.  I used to be shy with the hugs and I didn't like it when people touched me.  She didn't care.  She would come up to me and say she knew I didn't want a hug but she was going to give me one anyway.  I think she knew that I secretly enjoyed them and that is why she always insisted upon giving them to me.  She knew the right way to give."

Christmas 2005 - Sarah, Sis, Paige

January 2005 - The entire family took a cruise to celebrate Christmas. 

Sad

I received some sad news Friday evening.  I found out that my brothers ex-wife's mother passed away last week.  I know that sounds like a very loose bond, but it wasn't.  My brother was married to his ex for about ten years (Ok...I cannot remember exactly;) and we spent many holidays and ordinary Sundays together.

Sis was very generous and always greeted me with a hug, even when I didn't want one.  She welcomed me into her family and she treated me as a family member.  I missed her when she moved to Florida and embraced retirement.

A few years ago Lou took the children to Florida to visit their grandparents over Christmas break and I was invited to go along.  It was a great long weekend.  They took excellent care of us and treated us like family, even thought my brother was already divorced from their daughter.

This isn't from the trip to Florida.

I always thought very fondly of both of them and when I heard the news of her death on Friday I got very upset.  I was on a weekend trip with my two nieces and I had a very hard time putting on my cheery face.  Sis was often on my mind.  I found myself remembering her and getting teary eyed over her death. 

Sis, I will miss you.