Coke Zero...Diet Coke...Cherry Zero

I miss you and I think about you all the time.  I sit at work with my head on my hand dreaming of your fizzy wonderful taste.

Seriously, this is what I do.  I think about it all the time.  I gave up pop about three weeks ago and I would have thought that the cravings would have been gone by now.  Not so.  How could the addiction be so strong.  I haven't caved but this is one of the hardest things in my life right now.  I wish the thoughts would go away. 

Jeez...if this is how I feel about pop I cannot imagine kicking cocaine. I am glad I never started that bad habit.

How do you decide if someone you know is prejudiced?

Something happened to me last week that made me really uncomfortable.  I went to lunch with three ladies to a great Soul Food Restaurant called Kountry Kitchen.  The food was delicious but it was located in a predominantly black neighborhood.  When my friend suggested the restaurant and told me the location I didn't think twice about it as I was only dreaming of the yummy comfort food I was going to eat.  Plus, I ride my bike through that area often in the summer and I have never had any problems.

I drove us to the restaurant and as we got closer one of my companions began to make racist comments about the area.  I looked at her in the mirror and asked her if she thought just because someone was black they were they going to accost her on the street.   She didn't reply to my question.  The uncomfortable comments continued through lunch and on the way back to work. 

As the time progressed I began to get more and more upset.  After I got back to work I began to think about the last hour and I got more and more mad about her ignorance.  I didn't like her behavior or what she said but I didn't know how to handle it at the time.  How should I have reacted to her? 

Then...another thing happened today.  We had lunch together again and she began to tell me a story about her daughter going to a new school in Lawrence.  She was worried about the daughter and how she would react to a more racially diverse school.  I looked at her and said that children often react to these situations in the way they are taught at home.  She went on to say her hometown was almost 100% white and she was worried that her daughter would say something inappropriate because she is a bit mouthy..  I point blank asked her if she was racist and she said no.  But... these conversations led me to believe that she is.

I wish I was better at confrontational conversations.  I wish I was more articulate in telling her my beliefs that I am not racist and I don't like to be around people who are.  What is the best way to handle these kinds of conversations?

Small Steps

 I am an emotional eater.  Sigh. That is the cold hard truth of things.  For the last few months I have been very upset by something in my life and per my usual MO I have been eating out of control.  I NEED for this terrible pattern to stop.  Therefore, I have decided to implement a series of small steps that will enable me to get my eating back on track.

The first small step started last Monday.  I decided to quit drinking pop.  It was tough but I knew it was a good decision.  I decided to start with pop because I knew I was very addicted to it.  Um...Diet Cherry Zero ruled my life.  I always wanted it in the mornings and at lunch and and in the evenings.  I was drinking it all the time.  Then....they opened a McDonald's by my house and I started to stop every morning for a 32 oz Diet Coke (OK...I also got a breakfast sandwich).  This went on for a few weeks and I knew in the middle of was creating a very bad habit. 

So the pop stopped first and I was successful.  I have gone an entire week without drinking a carbonated beverage.  Woo Hoo!!!   It feels good to have control of that little aspect of my life.  But, I am not sure where I what to draw the beverage line.  Is the purpose of zero diet pop to eliminate Aspartame from my diet?  Can I still drink Crystal light?  I have been drinking it but I do sort of consider it on the same level as pop.  It adds unnecessary chemicals to my body.  Is it better to drink something with regular sugar and add the calories or should I just strictly drink iced tea, milk and water?  I haven't decided yet but I am in my "thinking" mode.

Today is the beginning of week two and I decided this weeks small step would be for me to bring my lunch 4 days this week.  Ugg...this is so hard because it really cuts into my socialization at work.  I love hanging out with my co-workers during lunch.  We enjoy talking and catching up.  I have tried to convince a few friends to bring their lunches but I am not sure it will really work.  I know the first time I am asked out when I have my packed lunch is going to be very hard for me. I know I will want to go out with them but I will have to say NO.  I have considered the idea of taking my lunch with me when they go out and it could work at some locations but not others.  Subway and Starbucks are easy because they have outside seating but a regular restaurant might not like that to much.


Now is the time for me to plan in advance.  I am not sure what direction I want to head for next weeks small step but these are some things I am considering.

1.  Eating dinner out only 3 nights per week
2.  Tracking my food (Ugg...I really hate hate hate this idea)
3.  Limiting desserts
4.  Eating a fruit or vegetable with every meal
5.  Eliminating fried foods
6.  Ok...I am out of ideas...

Do any of my loyal;) readers have any ideas for me? Any helpful hints?  I know I am not usually successful when I am tracking my food because I become obsessed with the food.  I am trying to make small changes that will help me in my long term weight loss goals.  I don't want to implement anything that isn't sustainable in the long term. I know overall healthier eating is going to be my long term solution but I just need to get there.

Intentions

What makes a person decide that someone else has good or bad intentions?  I think that many mis-communications revolve around the thinking that someone else has malicious intentions when presenting them with information.

For Example:  I have been trying to get a co-worker to join my book club.  I have asked her to join me several times and she says that she is interested but she hasn't read any of the books.  I decided to "surprise" her and I ordered her a copy of this months book on Amazon.  Since I considered this a surprise I didn't give her a waring about the packages arrival last Wednesday.  Then I forgot about it...until today.  I walked over to her cube and asked her if she has received any presents in the mail lately.  She gave me a blank look and said no.  After a few seconds I could see that she started to think about it and then her face changed from pleasant to mad.  She asked me if it was a book. I said yes with a giant smile on my face. 

She told me that she got it last week and she was very angry because she thought someone sent it to her to say that she was dumb because the book is about a mentally challenged boy.  She called up her family and interrogated them to find out who sent it and she even called Amazon to see if they shipped it to her by mistake.  She really thought someone sent her the book out of meanness.  After she corralled her emotions she laughed but she did throw me out of her cube.  I guess I could have given her warning about the books arrival but in my mind that would have ruined the surprise.

It made me feel good to send her the book and it made me sad that people often take acts of kindness out of context.  I don't understand why so many people look for the bad in others and often assume that someone is trying to do them wrong.  I am over this way of thinking.  Why can't we just talk to each other and assume the best in others instead of the worst?

Another example also happened at work.  A friend came up to me and the first thing she said was, "You look tired.".  Um...wow.  My first instinct was to think she was being rude but my second thought was to think she was expressing concern for me.  I probably did look tired and needed additional rest and that is how I chose to take that comment.

I just wish people could take information at face value instead of reading so many different things into a conversation.  (Me included). 

Birthday(s) in July

I don't usually like to purchase gifts for birthdays for my nieces and nephews because I want to give them something to build positive memories of us doing things together.   I like to take them on an outing to do something they enjoy and spend time with them one on one.  I decided that since both Sarah and Paige's birthdays were in December (ummm...2010) it might be time I gave them their gifts.

Paige was up first.  She requested an evening of shopping and dinner.  Ugg..she is 8 and she LOVES to shop.  When I called her up to tell her of my plans I asked her where she would like to eat and she replied "Old Country Buffet".  Gag...disgusting.  I decided she had ZERO taste buds.  However, after further conversation she changed her mind to The Journey.  Still a buffet but it is a step up from OCB. 

I arrived at her house on Friday night about 5:30 and she was all dressed up and waiting for me.  She wore a cute little dress and heels.  OMG...she was so adorable and she made me feel so boring in my jeans and sneakers.  As soon as we got into the car she began to talk and talk and talk.  Apparently, she has lots of things to say and not enough people to listen.  FYI...the first 30 minutes of conversation was about fashion.  Shoes, dresses and styles.  Where did she learn this stuff?  At one point in the evening she asked me if she was talking to much.  I laughed and said that she is a girl and she talked a normal amount for a girl.  I think she was too young to understand the implied yes to her question.  But as I also like to talk it really didn't bother me.  Silence is much much worse.

We enjoyed our dinner together and she had terrific table manners.  She was polite and she even tried some new foods.  The buffet had a variety of sushi and I encouraged her to try several bites of mine and she liked them all.  It is nice to be around a kid who likes more than chicken fingers and fries.  After dinner we headed to the mall.  She was so excited.  She took me by the hand and lead me around to her favorite stores.  The first stop was the music store where she looked at DVD's and games for her DS.  Then it was Gamestop where she tried to get me to buy her a game. I said no as the purpose of the trip was to look at clothes.  Then she took me to a (horrible) pre-teen store called Justice.  Yuck!  I just didn't like the vibe of the store.  I let her walk around and look at stuff but I knew we were not going to be buying anything in that store.  After about 30 minutes I encouraged her to check out Macy's.  She has never been in that store so she was a bit reluctant to try it out.

When we found the little girls section her eyes got large and a giant smile was plastered on her face. She was VERY pleased with their selection of items and she was in dress heaven.  We walked around and she found several items to her liking and her little arms got very full with dresses.  By the time we were done combing the girls section I think she had picked out at least 20 dresses and two bathing suits to try on.  I went in the dressing room with her and helped keep her organized.


















 She found one dress she loved!  She was so happy but there was a second pants outfit that also was a great hit.  And...I ended up buying her both.  I tried to get her to pick a different dress because it was so long but her mind couldn't be swayed.  She wanted it and I thought what the heck...it was her birthday present and it didn't have to be practical.

The next stop was Claire's.  She wanted something pretty to matcher her new dress.  She found the friendship necklace section and she was hooked.  She found one that had 3 pieces because she has two best friends.  LOL.  We spent most of the ride home discussing who was going to get which section on the necklace.

I got her home close to 10pm and she was exhausted.  It was a great evening and I know she enjoyed the entire experience much more than getting a dress to open on her actual birthday.

Sarah was up the next day and she had a much different request.  Currently, her favorite TV show is Man Vs. Food.  They did a segment in Carmel at Bub's and ever since she saw that show she has wanted to go and try it out.  I decided I would take her for a bike ride on the Monon and then we would stop by Bub's at the end.  She was so excited when I came to pick her up on Saturday that she ran out to the car to greet me. 

Her bike was ready and waiting for me to load up in the driveway. She even asked if she could ride her step-mothers bike so she could "keep up" with me.  LOL.  I parked at the trailhead on Rohar road near 146th Street and we headed North.  She was excited because she had never rode on the new section of the monon.  We made it to the end in Westfield and we turned around and headed back south.  We rode about nine miles by the time we got to Bub's and she was famished and excited to check out the restaurant.  PS...when we arrived at Bub's she told me she thought I was trying to kill her...perhaps nine miles was a bit much for her.

I walked her inside and took her photo next to the big picture of the Man Vs. Food dude.  She acted a bit embarrassed but I know she loved the attention.  We only had to wait 20ish minutes and we got a seat inside.  Woo Hoo...air conditioning.  She wanted to try the Big burger but  I coaxed her into getting the smaller burger and we shared some fries.  Yummy!  She was in heaven after her first bite. 

While we were there I bought her an offical Bub's t-shirt and I know that made her day.  We topped off our burger lunch with some scrumptious ice cream and we were FULL.  The bike ride back to the car was painful and I couldn't wait for a nap.

Just like Paige...I think Sarah really enjoyed her birthday outing and hopefully they both thought it was worth the wait.

Trust

How do you decide to trust someone?  What goes into the build up of trust and the breakdown of trust?

I have a friend who has been in a relationship for two months and she clearly doesn't trust her new boyfriend.  At the first opportunity she has read his texts and emails on his phone.  She has even been known to go through his desk to look at his correspondence.  She is basically looking for any evidence that he is cheating or is thinking of cheating on her.  I was shocked when I witnessed this behavior firsthand and I didn't understand it.  Is this normal girl relationship behavior?

I usually trust people until they give me a reason not to.  However, this person thinks of things the opposite way...basically the guy needs to prove his trust.  She even involved me in a texting ruse that made me very uncomfortable.  I wish I hadn't said yes.  But to her this behavior was perfectly normal.  When we were talking about this to another friend she was in total agreement.  To both of them spying was a perfectly natural part of a relationship.  Maybe not natural, but necessary.


I brought this topic up to a married friend over the weekend and she gave me a very similar answer.  She didn't really comment on behavior prior to marriage but she did say that once people were married your email accounts, texts and phones were always open to the other person.  Really?  I was astonished by this answer.  I think my phone and email are private and I couldn't imagine sharing access to them with anyone even when I was married.  This isn't because I feel it would be necessary to hide things from a SO but because there should be trust between people.  Am I being native?  I have known several women who have found out about someone cheating on them by reading their emails or texts.  Would a man see my desire to keep my phone and email private as a mechanism of cheating or at least to have to the ability do do questionable activities?

Yesterday, I was on Facebook when an old friend from High School commented on a post.  We had a few comments back and forth and then we moved the conversation over to the FB IM platform.  It was fun and flirty.  I can see how easily this would happen to someone in a relationship.  Because I am single I have the luxury to respond to flirty messages on FB but I can see how easily this kind of thing could get out of hand.  Talking to an old friend starts innocently enough.  You want to know about their life and what has happened to them since you last spoke but it can so easily move to a different level.  This is where trust comes in..  You have to trust that your SO knows the difference between catching up with an old friend and the slippery slope that happens just after catching up.


I think I am naturally a trusting person.  I have never been cheated on but I have been burned by several people.  Once I am burned I am generally very cautious with the other person and sometimes the trust can be built back up but not always.  The other thing is I usually forgive easily.  I know many people who cannot or will not forgive and I imagine that comes from being burned too many times.

I have had several conversations with another friend who applied this concept to friendships.  She has mentioned to me that she has a real hard time trusting her friends because she has been burned with to many hurt feelings in the past.  I understand where she is coming from.  She isn't a person who would spy on her friends but she is a person who would be cautious with her feelings and thoughts around friends as to not get judged for them.  I am the opposite and I usually tell most everyone what I am thinking about and feeling.  This has caused me some grief.  I know my brother has commented to me several times that he is often surprised by the content of my blog because he is worried that other people could judge me.  I say let them judge.  I have found my life to be a much happier existence when I can be free and open and share my thoughts with others.


I guess I am writing this blog to say that I am glad that I am not jaded (yet).  I don't think I want to change this characteristic about myself.  I want to be able to be myself around everyone I consider a friend or even someone I am considering for a relationship.  I want to stay trusting and I don't want to be the girl who feels it necessary to spy on others because of a lack of self confidence.

Ireland

We (I) decided to interact with the wildlife at the castle before we headed on to our next destination.  There was a small electrified fence between me and the donkeys and I decided I jump over it.  Ok...not really...there was one low spot that I was able to step over.  Can you imagine me trying to run and jump over a fence.  HA...that may have been the end of the vacation. 

The Donkeys were very nice and friendly.  The let me come right up to them and pet them.  I think they really liked the guests of the castle.  Look...Gretchen also joined in on the animal fun.

But...this was my object.  I really really really wanted to touch the miniature house and the baby miniature horse.  Aren't they adorable? At first I concentrated all my efforts becoming a Ninja and using stealth to creep up on the little horses.  Um...the were not fooled.  Then I tried to pretend I was walking to the end of the pasture to "inspect" the fence.  Again...I wasn't fooling the horses.

Then I tried an all out run in their direction.  I am pretty sure I heard them laughing at my pathetic attempt to catch them.  I think they even taunted me..."Hey Lady...we have 4 legs and you only have two.  Give it up as it is never going to happen."  They were right.  They never let me get close enough to pet them and I was very disappointed.

This is me walking back to the Donkeys after I admitted defeat.  I was pretty annoyed.

Gretchen and I wanted to make sure to properly photograph the entire grounds of the castle so here I am with the lion statue.

We spent the next few hours driving to Killarney and then we drove through their National Park.  It was super awesome.  The park was one of my favorite parts of the trip.  It was green and beautiful and gigantic.  We decided to take a little horse cart ride in the park and the guy driving our horse provided us with some of the best insight on the locals.  The guy we met worked as an orderly at a local psychiatric hospital and he and Gretchen had a great discussion on the Irish health care system.  He also told us a bit about the countries economy from his perspective.  Apparently, there was a large boom in their economy a few years ago and the Irish opened their borders and allowed mass immigration. It is difficult to get locals to work in the service industry and most service workers come from Eastern Europe.  But he was very clear to say that they only allowed "white" immigrants.  I had no idea that the country was so racist.  Shortly after the immigration boom the economy took a horrible turn for the worse and jobs and money dried up. But the Irish constitution allows for all immigrants to partake in the generous social welfare system.  So part of the problem in turning their country back around is having too many unemployed people draining the governmental funds. 

Gretchen and I being silly as we walked up to the local waterfall.

Beautiful!

The driver told me that the water was very pure and I could drink it if I wanted to.  So I did.  Yea...it was a bit awkward to climb around on the rocks so I could take a sip of water.  And...it tasted like water.

Finally, I was done driving and I could enjoy several beers with dinner.

Beer #2  I believe my eyes were getting a bit glazed over.

And Beer #3

We were hanging out in a pub listing to some traditional Irish music.

The music was good and the beer was even better.  Another great day in Ireland.