Book Club

Sap. I'm full of sap this week thinking about my eight year anniversary with book club. E-I-G-H-T frickin years! It is absolutely astounding to me that it's stayed alive so long. There have been several moments when I thought it was going to die a slow painful death. However, we've been lucky enough to have several infusions of new members to keep the group alive.

I remember the first time I attended book club. I was extremely nervous about meeting new people. My hands were damp and I am sure I was shaking. I had never joined a group with strangers and I was worried about all the unknown factors. What if they didn't think I was smart enough to be in their club, what if they didn't like me, what if the members were crazy serial killers? My list of unwarranted fears was endless.

I joined the group because, up until that point, I hadn't been able to make any new friends in Indianapolis. I had lived in the city for four years and I wasn't finding friends. I kept trying to meet people at work but it wasn't working for me because most of my co-workers were very different than me. They had husbands and children and were not interested in books or musicals or museums or hiking or adventures. I couldn't find a kindred spirit.

During that time I had a good friend, Andie, but she lived in Florida and we never saw each other. We talked on the phone several times a week but it wasn't enough to fulfill my socialization needs. I was lonely and tired of staying at home by myself every night and weekend. I decided to take action on my loneliness and I found the "Progressive Book Club" group on meetup.com. Those were the days when meetup was free, new and relatively unknown. I took the giant leap from my comfort zone, joined the group and purchased the book. I was prepared and terrified for the first meeting.

I don't remember the book we discussed but I do remember meeting Moorewrites that warm spring night. She was very friendly and made it easy to bond. After the first meeting we stood outside and talked for a while and she asked me if I was interested in going to a club to dance. I said yes even thought I really dislike dancing as a way to initiate our friendship. In the end we never did go dancing but we started meeting for brunch every few weeks with Carrie. Carrie was the second person I remember meeting. I liked the insightful things she had to say about the books and her personal story fascinated me. I accomplished my goal and was in the beginning stages of making new and interesting friends.

Moorewrites, Carrie and I quickly became friends. I remember feeling so happy that I found people with whom I could have an interesting conversation. Plus, no one appeared to be a serial killer. It was the beginning of a new life for me in Indianapolis. I felt that I finally found a place where I belonged. Over time I became friends with many of the other members of the group and enjoyed a varied social life.

The book club started out as a social outlet for me but it has evolved over time. In the beginning I was in the group for the socialization. However, as time passed I discovered that I really wanted to discuss the books as much as I wanted to talk to my friends. That is the part that I love about book club today, talking about and analyzing books. I feel energized and inspired being around other people who love the same thing I do and enjoy discussing every aspect of a book.

We've read so many books in the last eight years I thought I would list some of the more memorable reads.

05/2005 The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula LeGuin - This was the second book I read for bc and I still think about this book and it’s story. More importantly I remember after we read the book and were discussing it how happy I felt to be in a group of women who were intelligent and insightful. It was nice to be around people who could say more about the book than it was good or it was bad. This book also reignited my love of science fiction.

07/2008 The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory – Until I had read this story my only exposure to historical fiction was the clichéd formulaic historical romance. It was nice to find something that was well written, engaging and had the “never wanted to put it down” quality.

06/2009 Gehenna by Paul Thigpen – I talked about this book for weeks after I finished reading it and I asked all my friends what level of hell they thought they might settle in. What was more interesting was that many people would not disclose where they thought they would end up. I guess most people don’t want to confront their darker side.

02/2011 One Second After by William Forstchen – This book was very memorable. I had daydreams for weeks after I finished reading the story on what I would do if life changed so drastically in an instant. I believe my final conclusion was that I would die. I probably don’t have the fight instincts to live in such a chaotic society.

08/2012 Wool: Omnibus Edition Hugh Howey – I enjoyed the various Wool books but I really like Hugh Howey’s success as a self published author. I love that he worked in a book store and was able to self-publish his novels and make a living off of his work. He is an inspiration to me and many hopeful writers.

I believe that going to the first book club meeting was a pivotal moment in my life. It pointed me in a new direction and allowed me to exercise parts of my brain that were lying dormant as I sat at home alone watching bad TV every night.

I'm so grateful that I found the progressive book club and I've had the pleasure of meeting so many wonderful people as a result of the group. There are four of us that have been around since 2005 and several who have been members for a long time.

Live Long and Prosper Book Club!

AP Gal

Having an easy going persona at work is hard. I don’t want to let every little comment I hear bother me and I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.  However, something uncomfortable happened at work a week ago and I can’t seem to shake it. It made me aware of my ego and how important the way I’m perceived at work is to me.

Several executives and I were copied on an email from a co-worker about a problem with an employee. The colleague was trying to keep me out of the correspondence with the employee and she dealt with it herself. In doing so she referred to me as the "AP Gal" in the body of the email. EEK....stop the buss. “THE AP GAL” I DID NOT LIKE THAT! Why would she say that?

An “AP Gal” refers to the person at a company who processes the accounts payable. I have only ever seen women perform this job. I wasn’t offended by the gal part but more by the AP part. This person usually has an associate’s degree or lower and the average pay rate is about $12 an hour.

I was once an “AP Gal”. It was my first accounting job and it was a good way to get my start out of college. However, I’ve worked super hard to advance my career. I finished my bachelor’s degree and started my MBA while I was the “AP Gal”. After I finished my MBA I have steadily progressed my career to the point where I am at today. I am now the Staff Accountant for a health care company. We are small so I currently perform a variety of tasks including the lower level AP data entry to high level implantation projects.

My mind started to race at 100 miles per hour. Is that how she thinks about me? Does she really know what I do? Does she know I have an MBA? Does she know that an "AP gal" is perceived as a lower level job? I've had those kinds of jobs and I've worked hard to move forward and progress my career.  I know that I may be sensitive to that term. More importantly I know respect comes as a perception at work and not from the actual quality of my work. I don't want my co-workers or superiors to see me as a low level employee and I don't want to give them any reason to not respect me.

My intense reaction to those two little words surprised me. I hadn't realized that my ego was so large. I try to be low key. I’ve known several people who like to put all their credentials behind their name no matter how miniscule. I don’t want to be the kind of person who finds that necessary. I want people to recognize my skills and knowledge base without my having to advertise my education or credentials. I don’t want to be cocky or to be known as the egotist at work. That isn’t the image I want to present, however, I don't want to feel belittled or degraded.

I’m glad I recognize how my ego can get out of control. I’ve learned how much a few simple words can hurt my feelings and demolish my self-worth in my head. Now that I am conscious of my sensitivity I can try to squelch it before it gets out of control.

Unfortunately, I was still thinking with the emotional part of my mind couldn't let it go. Every time I saw the person who used those dirty words I cringed. On Thursday afternoon I saw the word offender walk by my office and I waved at her to come in and chat. We talked about a few work problems and we had some pleasantries and then I said it plainly. I told her that I didn't like how she referred to me in the email and I would prefer to not be referred to as the “AP Gal” in the future. My confrontation surprised her and she tried to explain her actions.

I accepted her explanation and I don't think she used those words to offend me. And to my surprise she seemed receptive to the uncomfortable conversation. I appreciated her not taking offensive at my directness.

I don’t want to be offended by the incident and I don’t like what it said about me. As far as I understand the co-worker did not have bad intentions. I try to evaluate a person’s intentions before I judge them. Generally speaking I don’t think people go out of their way to hurt others intentionally. I think I knew in my heart the she wasn’t trying to look down on me but I just couldn’t stop the negative emotions from surfacing.

I’m glad I acted like an adult in this situation and I confronted her. I think directness is easier to handle than the bitchy passive aggressive behavior of many of my co-workers. It has helped put the bad feelings behind me.

I feel like this entire situation was a good learning experience. I am glad I recognized the extent of my ego as well as how sensitive I am about my work status. I know I can work on being more confident in the future. Furthermore, I am pleased that directness worked for me in this situation. Human reactions can go positive or negative so quickly and I was happy/surprised with her positive reaction to my directness. Some people appreciate it and others don’t because they loathe confrontation. However, I think it is more palatable to me to be direct than it is for me to hold bad feelings inside. It is just important to know when it is appropriate and when it isn’t.

Cerulean

I had the most delicious dinner at the Cerulean on Thursday night. The Cerulean is a new restaurant in the Alexander Hotel and it is located in the Wholesale district of DT.  The restaurant was pretty inside but it was loud.  The bad acoustics made it difficult to have a conversation with my companions while we were dining.  Unfortunately, the consensus at the dinner table was that new restaurants are creating these loud environments on purpose to make the atmosphere seem busier and more desirable.  I enjoy dinners out with my friends for the food AND company.  Therefore, a restaurant has to has to deliver on both items.  Strike one!

Appetizers

I ordered the Devour Downtown menu but I saw a corn macaroon on the regular menu and I couldn't resist ordering one. It was made with pork belly, smoked cheddar and arugula. Every bite was divine. Plus the plate was so pretty. It arrived at the same time as my DD appetizer, Truffled Potato Soup, Leek, Romano Crisp. The soup was OK but it was overshadowed by all the other wonderful things I ate that night.


Main Course

Fried Chicken, French Toast, Blackberry Jam, Egg Blossom, Maple

The chicken was pan fried and it was moist and succulent.  Plus, there was a beautifully poached egg perched on top of the chicken. The french toast component of the dish was presented as a whip cream and it is the white dollop next to the egg in the photo. It had a fantastic flavor and it mixed well with the chicken and egg. The plate also included a large portion of blackberry jam. I liked the flavor but the ratio of jam to french toast whip was off. There was just to much jam on the plate. It had a very distinct flavor and if you put to much of it on your fork it overwhelmed your pallet.



Dessert

Roasted White Chocolate Cream, Chocolate Malt Shards, Popcorn Brittle, Cereal Milk Ice Cream

Divine. This plate was empty in the blink of an eye. The cereal milk ice cream was the star of the plate. It was made by soaking milk/cream in fruit loops. The milk/cream took on the intense flavor of the fruit loops and then the solid pieces were strained out. It was delightfully fruity and had a creamy texture. The chocolate malt shards and popcorn brittle were a nice combination with the ice cream.






Scrumptious!!!!   I would definitely visit this restaurant again in the future.  However, I hope that the are able to fix the noise problem before my next visit.

Flat Tire

Bam! That was the sound of my tire popping on I69. Crap. It was 10pm on a cold and snowy Thursday and my night was about to suck.

When I hit the hole there was a horrible booming sound and I knew I had a flat. I didn’t even get out and look because there was only one possible explanation for that sound, a flat tire. It was time to call Brother Lou. After the second consecutive call he picked up his phone and asked "What's up?”. I said, “emergency, Emergency, EMERGENCY. I have a flat tire on I69. Can you come and help me?” “Do you have roadside assistance?” Lou asked. Sigh! “No.”

Damn it. I’ll be honest. I may have lied to Lou. I didn’t really know whether or not I have roadside assistance. I know I don’t have AAA. But I don’t know if anything is included with my auto insurance or loan. I just didn’t think that 10pm on a cold Thursday night was the time and place to find out. I promise to make that a priority on Monday morning ;)

I began to get upset. The cars that zoomed by me at warp speed were scaring the crap out of me. Every few minutes I would look into the rear-view mirror and think a car was going to smash into me. Stupid overactive imagination. My hands had a death grip on the steering wheel while I waited. I was extremely relieved when Lou arrived about 30 terrifying minutes later.

Lou and I took a quick look at the tire and shook our heads at the baseball sized hole in it. We were screwed and we had to make a decision. Was it better to drive on the holey tire and on the rim or was it better to risk death and try to change the tire on the side of I69? On the plus side the holey tire was on the passenger side of the car. However, there was no light and there was a steep downward slope at the edge of the emergency lane. Plus the high speed traffic terrified me. I hated even being outside of the car. We decided a bum rim was better than death and Lou was going to drive my car the three miles to the next exit for me.

The long trip to the exit began with me intending to drive behind him and I got in the right lane of I69. However, he continued to drive on the side of the road. I was perplexed. Why didn’t he get onto the road in front of me? After what felt like ten minutes (two or three in reality) he stopped my car and I pulled over behind him. He got out of the car and yelled at me for being dumb and dangerous. Apparently, it wasn't a good idea for me to drive in the right lane at 20mph. Duh. I gave a nervous giggle and told him I would stay in the emergency lane with my hazards on. Yep, I had turned them off. WTF was I thinking? Apparently, I wasn’t using my brain during this emergency.

This should be a good time to tell you that I don’t always handle emergencies well. I appear to be calm and relaxed but that is misleading as my brain turns itself off and I make poor decisions.

While we were talking I saw my brother’s large nostril began to twitch. Something smelled bad. Apparently, part of my tire was burning up as he drove it down the road. Lou decided the best solution was to drive the rest of the way to the exit in the snow. He thought this was a good way to cool down the burning rubber.

It was time to drive again. Lou drove with the right tires in the snow and I drove on the emergency lane with my hazard lights blinking at 20mph. Every 100 or so feet there was a metal pole sticking from the ground and Lou would swerve to move out of the way. During every swerve the car would fishtail and I thought my problems would be larger than a flat tire and possible bent rim. However, he continued to drive in the snow swerving and fishtailing.

Dear reader, please be the judge. Which sibling gets the award for the most ridiculous decision? Damn it. It’s me isn’t it? Driving on I69 at 20 MPH still makes me the big winner.

Several long painful minutes later we hit the promised land and we were on the exit ramp. Lou quickly found a good place to park the car and he began the laborious activity of changing the tire in the cold and dark. That was the easiest part of the adventure but the cold was most difficult part of the chore. The tire was easily removed and the donut fit perfectly.

Sigh. One day and $150 later all was fixed. While we were changing the tire I removed the front floor mat for Lou to kneel on and somehow we forgot to put it back in the car. I was a bit upset about losing it because they were custom mats they were very pricy. On my way home Friday night I drove by the tire repair site and my mat was still on the ground. Score!

Lou and I were safe and my car was safe so it all ended well. Plus, I learned some valuable lessons. A. It isn’t a good idea to drive on the highway at 20mph. B. Driving the car in unstable snow near poles could be bad. C. Flat tires suck. D. Roadside assistance is important.

BTW…a big hug to Lou for helping me on Thursday night. I really appreciate his gallantry and knowledge. Everyone should have a selfless and caring little Bro like Lou.

Men V. Women

I went to a Christmas party last weekend. There were about 15ish people that attended and it was even split between men and women. When I arrived there was an important college basketball game on the TV and everyone was sitting around the living room in silence with their eyes glued to the screen. I got a couple snacks, took a seat and watched the game with everyone else.

After the important game was over a second game started. People began to move around but several people stayed in the living room watching the TV. I had a few more snacks and I began conversations with the two women seated next to me. About 20 or 30 minutes later I noticed something interesting. All the other women were gathering in the kitchen.

My two female friends and I quickly got up and joined the other ladies in the kitchen. As soon as we left the living room the other men who had less than desirable seating in the living room moved and took over our spots and then we were segregated. The men were lounging on the couches and the women were standing in the kitchen. I did not expect that to happen.

The unspoken social convention of keeping the women in the kitchen was alive at this party. It wasn't on purpose but it was natural for the women to not be very interested in the sports on the TV. It wasn't as if the men were preventing us from hanging out with them but it just happened.

It was fascinating to me. I wouldn't consider the couple who hosted the party to have strict traditional gender roles. I don't think this women makes dinner for the man every night. They share in the tasks. However, I can't speculate on what happens when no one is watching;)

I don't consider myself a feminist. I don't really want to mow the lawn, take care of the car or pick up dead things. I don't mind cooking meals or laundry but I would never consider myself to be a caretaker to anyone. I like things to be (sort of) equal.

However, this phenomenon at parties fascinates me. Why is it so natural for people to segregate themselves at parties. I understand that part of the separation stems from the fact that many women have similar interests and things in common. But when we are segregated why do we (women) always end up in the kitchen. Why don't the men end up there? I think it is because as much as we deny it we still self sort ourselves into gender roles. It is just the way it is.

I try to buck the system. I know I stayed in the living room much longer than the other women but it didn't work. The separation still happened. Next time I am going to try and stay in the living room and see what happens.

Math + data = good decision

Big decision to make this week.  I thought I already made it but now I am on the fence.

It is insurance renewal time and I must decide whether or not to participate in the traditional PPO plan or utilize the high deductible HSA plan.  My physician has suggested that I do a sleep study because she thinks I have sleep apnea.  The tests average cost is $5000. Gulp.  I had already decided to hold off on taking the test till 2013 so I could move to the PPO plan so more of my expense would be covered by my insurance.  However, now I am not sure that is the smartest decision.

My yearly premium with a PPO plan is $1920, however, it is $1080 for the year with  a HSA.  That is a $840 variance.  The sleep study is going to cost about $5000.  My portion under a PPO plan is $1800 and under the HSA plan is $3000 (my entire deductible).  My job also gives me $500 per year toward my HSA.  This takes my total 2013 expense for PPO to be $3720 and my HSA to be $3580.  With only that information I would save $140 for the year by going with the HSA.
 

	PPO	Health Savings Account	Variance
Premium	1,920.00	1,080.00	(840.00)
Sleep Study	5,000.00	5,000.00
CDS Portion	1,800.00	3,000.00	1,200.00
Novia Health SA		(500.00)
Total Out of Pocket	3,720.00	3,580.00	(140.00)
Additional Per check Deposit	104.17	114.58
Premium per check	80.00	45.00	Up $10 from 2012
Total health cost per paycheck	184.17	159.58
Total Current Payroll Deduction	60.00	60.00
Total Additional Per check	124.17	99.58
Yearly Amount	2,980.00	2,390.00

So...the math tells me to go with the HSA.

However, I don't know what I don't know.  What else might happen to me next year.  If I max out my HSA delectable in January everything (except for meds) are 100% covered for the remainder of the year.  However, if I stuck with the PPO plan I could have additional co-pays for the remainder of the  year even thought I reached my $1000 deductible.  Plus my max contribution to the HSA is $3250 ($500 from my employer and $2750 from me).  That just barely covers this test and leaves no room for dental or optical work that is covered separately.  Plus, I have to wait for the money to be contributed to my account each paycheck before I can spend it whereas I can spend my entire FSA in January if I needed to.

Is your head spinning?  Mine is!  I just don't know which way to go this year!

"A little gossip, A little chat, A little idol talk of this, And that"

Something happened this week that I just cannot shake.  I was out to drinks after work with some people and the group began to talk about a person we all knew (N).  All of a sudden a "friend" stated with a booming voice and force that N was ugly.  She went on to say that N's face was ugly and and she was very unattractive.  I was extremely bothered by the tone of this conversation.  I spoke up and said that was a horrible thing to say about N.  The group knocked me down a bit for being so outspoken and there was a few awkward moments. The conversation moved on my brain kept mulling over this conversation.

The next day I saw the person who said the rude comments and brought it up again.  I told her how bothered I was by her statements.  She defended herself and she didn't see anything wrong with what she said and she stood by her words.

That was the problem.  I don't want to be around people who think that way.  I think it just brings you down.  It is so hard to be a good person and to be kind to others.  Much harder than being shitty and pointing out the flaws.

I don't want to be that kind of person.  I don't want to be sucked into mean spirited gossip and conversations.  I don't want to laugh at the expense of others.  I want to treat others as I want to be treated.  Saying this is easy but putting it into practice is super hard.

I think it is a natural thing for people to gossip about others.  I don't think you can ever really be free from it. However, there is gossip that is factual, neutral and mean spirited.  I don't want to participate in determining who has fake boobs and judge them for it.  I like to know things and I like to know about other people but I hope there is a right way to do it.