Running Away

Do you ever feel the need to escape reality?  I do.  Actually, this thought has been sticking in my head a lot lately.  The other night I had a dream that on payday I purchased a ticket to Tahiti and completely walked away from my life in Indy for two years.  The dream was very specific.  I lived on the beach and read my Kindle all day.  I learned to surf and found Maslow's highest level of happiness.

Why do I have these thoughts and desires?  Life is good for me in Indy.  I have good job and a fulfilling social life.  I have friends who love me and look out for me.  However, there is something missing. Why is it so hard to find lasting happiness and fulfillment in my current circumstances?

I don't really think living on the beach with NO responsibilities would make me happy.  However, I still have very fond memories of a Mexican vacation where I slept on the beach in a hammock for four days.  I still believe that was my best vacation.  It held complete relaxation for me.  There were fun people to hang out with and talk to and there was no pressure.  I didn't think about bills or money or my job or my house.  I just lived and enjoyed each precious hour.  I have never been able to replicate the satisfaction I felt on that trip.

Honestly, my life bears minimal responsibilities compared to the average person.  

Money, spouse, children, house, career

I don't have a husband or children and I find most people's stresses revolve around those two issues.  On the flip side I also find that many people's life satisfaction come from those two components.  I don't ever wish for marriage.  I don't think it works. But I am open to a long term relationship.  However, it just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me.  I would like to change that.

Children.  I never wanted children.  I looked at the parenting skills of my parents and I never thought I would do a good job with a child of my own.  However, I thoroughly enjoy my nieces and nephews.  I recently took little Paige on a trip to Ohio to visit family and I really enjoyed her company.  I liked having her there and she brought me much happiness.  I missed her when I took her home.    

I feel like my current job has caused me to be more "responsible" than any other job in my career.  I need to be "on" all the time.  People respect my opinion and value my work.  It is a far cry from my days as a desk clerk where I could read for 6 out of 8 hours.  

As much as I enjoy owning my house I also find it oppressive.  I cannot make a drastic change in my life without it causing me significant stress and worry.  I don't want to live in an apartment again but the house does cause me to stay in Indy when without it I would have been enticed somewhere new by now.

Money...I make a good living but I also like to live large so it is always a constant worry.

I don't believe running away would fix any of my life stresses but it still holds an allure to me.  In the near future If I stop responding to texts and emails I am probably in Tahiti. 

Spring Awakening Groupie

I went to see Spring Awakening last Wednesday night at University Theater in Muncie.  Yes, I drove ALL the way to Muncie after work last week;)  I couldn't help myself.  I love the show.  I saw it on Broadway in NYC a few years ago and I have been hooked ever since.

The next year I dragged several friends to Columbus, Ohio for a weekend adventure and to see the show.  We all had fun but I don't think anyone enjoyed it as much as I did.  Plus, I went to see it three times at The Phoenix theater last year.  Seriously, THREE times in the month it was playing.  I could have gone more but people were already making fun of me.

As much as I love the show, the Muncie performance was a disappointment.  The singing was sub-par and the audience was childish.  It started with the actors warming up on the stage.  They were walking around aimlessly making odd facial expressions and noises out of their mouths.  They would occasional stop and stretch on a pole and talk to their friends.  I think it was a bad directorial choice and disruptive to the audience.  The show is very dramatic and talks about serious societal issues and the audience would become uncomfortable during the tense moments and laugh.  There was a scene where a girl was asking her boyfriend to beat her with a stick so she could "feel" something.  While the male actor was beating the girl there were several members of the audience laughing.  It just didn't fit.

While I was driving to the show I chatted on the phone with AL and she asked me why I liked the show so much.  She saw it with me on Broadway and she couldn't understand my obsession.  Here's why:

1.  The Music
It appeals to me.  I like that it is more like rock music and not orchestral based.  Each song had a purpose and it moved the story forward.  You always knew what the actors were thinking.  It was dynamic.  Loud booming songs to talk about masturbation and the attraction to the opposite sex (The Bitch of Living).  Quiet powerful songs to talk about sexual and physical abuse (The Dark I know Well).  Fun songs to show the audience that the  characters are in trouble (Totally F**ked).  Finally, an upbeat song to talk about suicide (Don't Do Sadness).  The music resonated with me and I listen to it often.

2.  The Story
While I was walking out of the theater I overheard some students discussing the show and they said they didn't think that the musical had a story.  They weren't talking to me so I didn't interject my opinion but I yelled at them in my head.  "Yes, it does.  The show has several story lines.  Unlike Cats"  The two main characters learn about first love, sex and attraction and each of them has a different experience.  The subsidiary story's were just as interesting. There was one that talked about two men being gay, another one that talked about sexual abuse from her father, another about a boy who was slightly different than everyone else and he turned to suicide.  

3.  The Choreography
This show has several intricate contemporary dance sequences.  I liked how they incorporated the actors movements, singing and dancing into the story.  It just worked and it made me "feel" the story.  

4.  The Social Implications
I love a story that gives my brain ideas and subjects to mull over.  After I left the show for the first time my brain was abuzz with the various elements.  The thing I focused upon the most was the part where the main girl doesn't understand why she doesn't feel things.  She is fascinated with a friend who is beaten daily by her father.  She wanted that.  Sick!  But it made me think about how life can become so numbing at times and how it makes it hard to feel anything.  This story was written in the late 1800's before people were preoccupied with TV, radio and Prozac.  What made them feel nothing?  Why did they have a hard time finding enough value in their lives to be happy?

The first song in the show (Mama who Bore Me) was about a young girl upset with her mother because she wouldn't tell her things.  She asked her mother repeatedly how her sister had babies and the mother refused to tell her.  The mother just couldn't talk about it.  The young girl ended up getting pregnant, having a back alley abortion and then **Spoiler** dying.  Things may have been different had she understood that sex = babies.  Why was it so difficult for the mother to talk to her daughter about sex?  This was a problem in the 1800's and it is still a problem today.  People are afraid to say things.  Be real with each other.  I feel I often get chastised from people for being to real.  Remember when I got my 16 year old nephew a sex book for Christmas?  The parents were not happy with me.  

I think every person who LOVES musicals should see this 2007 Tony Award Wining show.