Running Away

Do you ever feel the need to escape reality?  I do.  Actually, this thought has been sticking in my head a lot lately.  The other night I had a dream that on payday I purchased a ticket to Tahiti and completely walked away from my life in Indy for two years.  The dream was very specific.  I lived on the beach and read my Kindle all day.  I learned to surf and found Maslow's highest level of happiness.

Why do I have these thoughts and desires?  Life is good for me in Indy.  I have good job and a fulfilling social life.  I have friends who love me and look out for me.  However, there is something missing. Why is it so hard to find lasting happiness and fulfillment in my current circumstances?

I don't really think living on the beach with NO responsibilities would make me happy.  However, I still have very fond memories of a Mexican vacation where I slept on the beach in a hammock for four days.  I still believe that was my best vacation.  It held complete relaxation for me.  There were fun people to hang out with and talk to and there was no pressure.  I didn't think about bills or money or my job or my house.  I just lived and enjoyed each precious hour.  I have never been able to replicate the satisfaction I felt on that trip.

Honestly, my life bears minimal responsibilities compared to the average person.  

Money, spouse, children, house, career

I don't have a husband or children and I find most people's stresses revolve around those two issues.  On the flip side I also find that many people's life satisfaction come from those two components.  I don't ever wish for marriage.  I don't think it works. But I am open to a long term relationship.  However, it just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me.  I would like to change that.

Children.  I never wanted children.  I looked at the parenting skills of my parents and I never thought I would do a good job with a child of my own.  However, I thoroughly enjoy my nieces and nephews.  I recently took little Paige on a trip to Ohio to visit family and I really enjoyed her company.  I liked having her there and she brought me much happiness.  I missed her when I took her home.    

I feel like my current job has caused me to be more "responsible" than any other job in my career.  I need to be "on" all the time.  People respect my opinion and value my work.  It is a far cry from my days as a desk clerk where I could read for 6 out of 8 hours.  

As much as I enjoy owning my house I also find it oppressive.  I cannot make a drastic change in my life without it causing me significant stress and worry.  I don't want to live in an apartment again but the house does cause me to stay in Indy when without it I would have been enticed somewhere new by now.

Money...I make a good living but I also like to live large so it is always a constant worry.

I don't believe running away would fix any of my life stresses but it still holds an allure to me.  In the near future If I stop responding to texts and emails I am probably in Tahiti.