Coke Zero...Diet Coke...Cherry Zero

I miss you and I think about you all the time.  I sit at work with my head on my hand dreaming of your fizzy wonderful taste.

Seriously, this is what I do.  I think about it all the time.  I gave up pop about three weeks ago and I would have thought that the cravings would have been gone by now.  Not so.  How could the addiction be so strong.  I haven't caved but this is one of the hardest things in my life right now.  I wish the thoughts would go away. 

Jeez...if this is how I feel about pop I cannot imagine kicking cocaine. I am glad I never started that bad habit.

Small Steps

 I am an emotional eater.  Sigh. That is the cold hard truth of things.  For the last few months I have been very upset by something in my life and per my usual MO I have been eating out of control.  I NEED for this terrible pattern to stop.  Therefore, I have decided to implement a series of small steps that will enable me to get my eating back on track.

The first small step started last Monday.  I decided to quit drinking pop.  It was tough but I knew it was a good decision.  I decided to start with pop because I knew I was very addicted to it.  Um...Diet Cherry Zero ruled my life.  I always wanted it in the mornings and at lunch and and in the evenings.  I was drinking it all the time.  Then....they opened a McDonald's by my house and I started to stop every morning for a 32 oz Diet Coke (OK...I also got a breakfast sandwich).  This went on for a few weeks and I knew in the middle of was creating a very bad habit. 

So the pop stopped first and I was successful.  I have gone an entire week without drinking a carbonated beverage.  Woo Hoo!!!   It feels good to have control of that little aspect of my life.  But, I am not sure where I what to draw the beverage line.  Is the purpose of zero diet pop to eliminate Aspartame from my diet?  Can I still drink Crystal light?  I have been drinking it but I do sort of consider it on the same level as pop.  It adds unnecessary chemicals to my body.  Is it better to drink something with regular sugar and add the calories or should I just strictly drink iced tea, milk and water?  I haven't decided yet but I am in my "thinking" mode.

Today is the beginning of week two and I decided this weeks small step would be for me to bring my lunch 4 days this week.  Ugg...this is so hard because it really cuts into my socialization at work.  I love hanging out with my co-workers during lunch.  We enjoy talking and catching up.  I have tried to convince a few friends to bring their lunches but I am not sure it will really work.  I know the first time I am asked out when I have my packed lunch is going to be very hard for me. I know I will want to go out with them but I will have to say NO.  I have considered the idea of taking my lunch with me when they go out and it could work at some locations but not others.  Subway and Starbucks are easy because they have outside seating but a regular restaurant might not like that to much.


Now is the time for me to plan in advance.  I am not sure what direction I want to head for next weeks small step but these are some things I am considering.

1.  Eating dinner out only 3 nights per week
2.  Tracking my food (Ugg...I really hate hate hate this idea)
3.  Limiting desserts
4.  Eating a fruit or vegetable with every meal
5.  Eliminating fried foods
6.  Ok...I am out of ideas...

Do any of my loyal;) readers have any ideas for me? Any helpful hints?  I know I am not usually successful when I am tracking my food because I become obsessed with the food.  I am trying to make small changes that will help me in my long term weight loss goals.  I don't want to implement anything that isn't sustainable in the long term. I know overall healthier eating is going to be my long term solution but I just need to get there.

New Goals Part B

Brother Lou had a great idea last night and I thought I would share it.  He suggested that for every pound I lose I take $10 in cash and squirrel it away in an envelope to save for my new bike purchase.  I explained to him that it is adorable that he thinks my new bike is only going to cost $550 but is is still a great idea and I think I am going to implement it.

So every Tuesday when I weigh in I will track my progress and put aside $10 in cash for that weeks loss.  It will be nice to see the money growing and know the great reward I will have at the end.

New Goals

I know this is a theme in my life and in my blog but I like to have goals.  I find if I make my goals measurable and obtainable I work hard to bring them to fruition.  Last year I had three biking related goals and I easily obtained each of them.  I think the biking goals are easy for me to obtain because I really enjoy biking and it is something in which I like to work hard.  Other goals not so much.  Oftentimes money and spending goals are easily forgotten and I am often too afraid to make weight loss goals. Not today.

This brings me to my current goal.  Losing weight.  This has always been my nemesis.  I had some success in this area last year but ever since November I have lost my momentum. I can't stop eating everything in sight and it totally negates every ounce of effort I put into working out.  So I want that to change and I have found a very attractive carrot to waive in front of my face.  A SHINY NEW ROAD BIKE!

Isn't this Green Trek pretty.

I have been lusting after one since August and I have refrained from moving forward and making that purchase for a variety of reasons.  Last week I was reading a cycling magazine and it brought that desire to the forefront of my mind.  I WANT one.  I immediately thought I should make a weight loss goal related to the purchase of this new bike.  I feel like biking is so motivating for me that mixing the two might help me move away from my current slump and push me to be more serious about my eating.

I want to weight less than 200lbs.  Two years ago I would have said "NEVER" and that number is totally unobtainable.  With the success I have had this year I now realize that weight is within my grasp.  I will need to loose 55lbs in order to obtain that goal.  Ok...if you can do basic math you now know how much I weigh.  Eeek...did I really just write that?? 

So if you know me and are my friend I would appreciate any support/encouragement and help you are able to provide.  I am currently using myfitnesspal.com to track my daily food intake and they say I should be eating 1510 calories per day.  I need to stay within that range.  If you are interested in providing me encouragement and/or tough love let me know and I will send you an invite to be my "friend" on the website and you will be able to see what I eat every day.  If you are interested I will do the same for you.  Ask GH and Ems..I can me mean;)

I haven't set a time frame for this goal because I don't mind the "slow and steady" mindset in this area.  Over the summer I was averaging 7lbs per month and that is where I would like to be again. At that rate it will take me eight months to reach my goal.  Hm...September.  So the road bike will be for the following year.  Done.

Dieting Progress Report

I had an interesting conversation with a co-worker today and it made me think about my current approach to dieting and living a healthy lifestyle.
I have been able to lose 25lbs since the beginning of June. Since I have started this dieting and biking thing 2.5 years ago I have lost a total of 50 lbs. Please please hold the applause. I feel good about this progress. What I like even more than the actual number is that none of my clothes fit anymore. They just hang off of me. Even my shoes. Really my shoes are too big. The other part is that I now weigh less than my younger brother. I assure that hasn’t happened since we were children or maybe ever. I loved his competitive response to this news. He was all “let me starve myself for a few days and reweigh myself”. No sucker! I beat you!!!!

There are a couple things that have made this experience more successful than past attempts to lose weight. The biggest one is that I haven’t put any pressure on myself to succeed. I want to succeed but I don’t perform well under pressure. I have always lived this horrible cycle of failing and then being so terribly hard on myself. I then completely give up because the whole endeavor was just too hard. I never thought I could be successful in this area.

I am not keeping a food journal. You heard me right…I am not recording my food intake. I just can’t. This was one of the things that used to destroy my self-confidence. That doesn’t mean I don’t evaluate what I eat. I look at my daily intake before dinner and I determine how much I should eat. I want to keep my calories at 1800 or less per day. But this is a flowing number and I don’t beat myself up when I don’t achieve it. I just say to myself perhaps eating crap at the fair shouldn’t be repeated the next day. I try to make better choices when I eat out. I try to eat only two pieces of pizza and not four. I try to not stop for ice cream on a daily basis and I am strictly regulating the amount of dessert allowed into my house.

I have stopped pressuring myself to cook healthy and nutritious whole foods. That never really worked as I am usually too tired to cook when I get home from my fun evening activities. Instead I have filled my freezer with Lean Cuisines and Smart Ones and other such frozen delights. It isn’t always great but it fills me up and it prevents me from stopping at Taco Bell on my way home when I am most vulnerable to the hunger and exhaustion. I realize that this isn’t the best nutritional choice but it is calorie controlled and way better to the alternative (Taco Bell).

Last month a friend wrote a blog that talked about how bike riding is not the key to weight loss. I completely agree with her. It is more about the food than the exercise. But the combination of both has enabled me to be successful. The other part is I haven’t looked at the biking strictly as a weight loss tool. I look at is as fun first. My goals surrounding biking had zero to do with weight and more to overcoming mental blocks about what I can and cannot do. Yes, I can ride 1000 miles in a summer (I am way over that BTW), yes I conquered Riley Hill, and yes I can ride 50 miles in a day. I actually completed a metric century (62 miles) a few weekends ago. All of these things help tremendously with the weight loss but they are not the key factor to my current success.

I feel the key to my current success is to relax the pressure on myself. I think I will always struggle with the eating thing but if I can continue having a positive attitude and give myself a break every now and then, this could work for me.

The specific question that the co-worker asked me was did I have a weight loss goals. The answer is NO. I don’t want to lose XX by a certain date. I cannot look at it that way. I just want to continue to make positive progress. I feel if I decided that I wanted to lose 10lbs each month it would kill me if I didn’t achieve that goal and prevent future progress.

I prefer to look at it this way. The less I weigh the easier it will be for me to climb the hills on my bike and maybe one day actually pass one of my friends on the ascent. That will be worth celebrating.

Darkness Rules my Life

I accomplished my final and third biking goal of the summer on Sunday.  Woot!  Except that it seems a bit anticlimactic to me.  I have met my goals but I am not necessarily happy about it.

These were my three goals:
1.  Bike 1000 Miles
2.  Bike 50 miles in a single ride
3.  Get up the hill at Crown Hill without walking

I made the 50 mile ride on July 6th. This was a good ride and my average speed was 11.9 mph.  I was happy with this ride and it was interesting to see my speed improvement in the last month.  My current average speed is usually 12.8.  I also have a few 50 mile rides scheduled later in the summer and those will not include any breaks and one of them has a hills.  Eeek.

I completed the Crown Hill climb about two weeks ago and it was hard.  My heart was beating out of my chest by the time I made it to the top, but I made it.  I was very excited but I have no desire to duplicate this accomplishment.  I would prefer to work on street hills and increasing my speed on something I would encounter in an ordinary ride.

Sunday was the big day for the 1000 mile accomplishment.  I was really hoping to finish up in July but my schedule just didn't allow it so I made it on August 1, 2010.  I was proud of myself as I had originally given myself until October to complete this goal.  I had no idea that I would become even more passionate about biking this summer than I was last year.

The real problem in this story is that my pride quickly faded away to self doubt and being hard on myself.  I always think that I can do better on a given task and then when I do better it is not enough.  I had thoughts running through my head that said I should have accomplished the goals faster or quicker or at a faster speed.  I just don't know why I cannot be happy with my accomplishments.

I want to be able to ride faster and I have improved but I don't think that it is fast enough.  I started out the summer with an average speed of 10 mph and I am currently at 12.8.  I want to be better than that without killing myself.  I then fall into the trap of comparing myself to my friends.  They can do things better and faster than me and it makes me feel inadequate.  These are the reasons why I have avoided all things athletic in the past.  I don't like feeling inadequate and if I don't even try then I never have to worry about measuring up.

Uggg...I just don't know what to do with myself.  I want to be happy with myself and my accomplishments while still pushing myself but I don't want to feel inadequate.  How am I to get over these dark and unproductive feelings?  I keep trying to stay positive but the bad thoughts keep creeping back.

I had a conversation with a fellow biking friend this week that while good intentioned and necessary made made all of these dark feelings creep up.  This conversation was about an upcoming 50 mile group ride (Hope Ride) that will occur in mid September.  There are several of us attending this ride and all of us have varying degrees of ability and aptitude.  Unfortunately, I am the slowest member of our group.  I was told basically that I was going to have to ride by myself that day as they wanted to complete this ride at a challenging pace for them.  I understand this and I respect the need to challenge oneself but it still doesn't stop me from feeling bad about myself.  I could probably keep up for a while but it would kill me and then I would eventually fall behind.  I don't want them to have to ride slower for me.  They should ride their bikes the way that makes them happy.

I DO NOT like to fall behind!  So what do I do?  I have been rolling this around in my head for days.  Should I just not attend and miss out on the fun?  Should I attend and ride by myself?  Or should I attend and try to keep up.  My initial desire was to not attend any of these group rides but that seems like the extreme option. 70% of why I like biking is I like the social aspect of it.  I understand that I cannot have a companion for every bike ride but these are the kind of events where having a companion is good.

I feel like my confidence is in an extremely fragile state these days and I would like to steady it out again but I just don't know how.

Forrest Gump

Do you remember that scene in Forrest Gump where Forest decides that he just needs to run and run and run.  He runs all the way across the North America a couple of times.  Tonight I felt like I was channeling that Forrest when I was biking.

I met a few friends for a casual ride at 4pm.  We rode a 19 mile route mostly on roads to the Velodrome and back.  It was a good ride and it included some challenging hills but when we had completed our route I didn't feel like I had satisfied my biking need for the day.  My friends and I stopped at Subway for dinner and when we were done eating I asked them if they were interested in riding some additional miles.  I encountered blank stares and NO's.  No problem I thought to myself, music could keep me company.  As our little group broke up I went back to my car to get my iPod and earphones so I could put in some additional miles before I went home.

When I left my friends I had no plan and no agenda.  I just headed out North on the Monon.  As I was riding I thought I would ride out five miles and then turn around and come back to my car.  I put on my favorite biking music (Def Leppard's Hysteria) and peddled away.  Before I even blinked I was five miles away and I  decided that I would continue to ride North to 146th St.  When I hit 146th Street I felt like I should finish out the trail and go to the end.  I did.  I cannot remember what street it ends on....maybe 165???

I took a couple drinks of my water and I turned around and headed south to Broad Ripple.  As I was riding I looked at my odometer and I realized that I would finish my ride at 40 miles and I gave myself a smug little smile at my accomplishment.  When I began to get close to where I left my car I felt like I wanted to continue to ride and I knew I had 10 more left in my legs. 

The time when I made this decision was 9:05pm.  Hmmm...I am not sure the rational portion of my brain was working.  I continued South on the Monon and I thought I would ride five miles and turn around.  I rode three miles out and I remembered that I didn't want to be stuck in that neighborhood after dark.  Yes, it was pretty dark by this time.  I promptly turned around and headed back north and again I rode past my car.  I just didn't want to stop.

I went back North and I began to feel that perhaps riding after dark on the Monon was a VERY BAD IDEA.  Yet, I continued to ride.  The rational and irrational parts of my brain were at odds with each other.  I was thankful that I had a headlight and taillight installed on my bike but it still didn't stop me from having thoughts that every person I saw was a serial killer.  The serial killer thoughts were very intense because I was away from the crowd and in the woods.  That is always when the girl is killed.  Luckily I hadn't had sex in the last couple of hours so I thought I was safe.  After-all, bad things only happen to the slut girls in the woods.

I finished out my ride at 50 miles.  Woo Hoo!!!!  It was a personal best.  The most I have gone in any day was 42 miles.  But does it count as a 50 mile ride due to the hour stop for dinner?  I don't know if that goal has been accomplished.  The answer is yes, I am hard on myself;)

Interesting Stats:

50.22 Miles
11.9 Average Speed
2 hours 51 minutes - Time in my Cardio Zone
2581 Calories Burned
4 hours 33 minutes spent riding
662 Miles for the season (my goal is 1000 miles)

I felt good after my long ride.  Minimal fatigue and my legs were still pretty happy with me.   I think I am much better as an endurance athlete than as a speed athlete.  Am I allowed to call myself an athlete?

Forrest Gump: That's all I have to say about that.

Goals

I find the best way for me to accomplish tasks is to make them goals.  I LOVE biking and I wanted to make some summertime biking goals for myself.  I want to make them achievable but difficult.  Last summer I had three goals related to biking:

1.  Bike 500 Miles
2.  Ride a marathon (26 miles) on a single ride
3.  Get up the hill at Crown Hill without walking

Goal 1 and 2 were easily obtained.  I actually rode 700 miles last year and I easily rode the marathon on a sunny summer day.  Actually, the longest trip I went on was 42 miles.  But, I NEVER made it up the hill...booooooo!

Based upon what I achieved last summer I want to make this summers goals more difficult.

1.  Bike 1000 Miles
2.  Bike 50 miles in a single ride
3.  Get up the hill at Crown Hill without walking

I want to accomplish all of these goals by the end of October.  I know 1000 miles is an aggressive goal but I know I can do it.  If my math is right I will need to ride an average of 50 miles each week to accomplish this goal.  I plan on splitting up the 50 miles by riding at least three days per week.

I don't have a specific day set for the 50 mile ride, but I anticipate this being a warm July day with zero wind.  Hopefully, I will be able to convince a couple friends (hint hint) to do this with me and I am sure there will be some Bubs Burgers waiting for us at the end.

I think goal number 3 will take some perseverance.  When I was at Crown Hill last week I had a difficult time even getting up the base of the hill.  Practice, practice, practice!!!

Wish me luck!  And...when I tell you I cannot get up the hill tell me to shut up and just do it!