Huntington Bank

I recently opened up a second bank account at Huntington Bank so I could begin to separate my bill money from my fun money. I saw this as a step to being more controlled about my spending and knowing once the fun money was gone, it was gone and fun had to end until my next payday.

A few weeks ago, I managed to get two random checks and I decided that I would treat myself and deposit them into my new fun account. I put the checks in my wallet and I kept my eyes peeled for a bank branch. Unfortunately, that’s when I discovered the problem. There was no Huntington Bank branch on my daily route anywhere. In the back of my head I knew where to find the closest location, but I couldn’t bring myself to go there. I realized I had a bad emotional connection to that particular bank.

Nine years ago, my mother died of lung cancer. She was diagnosed in April and she passed away in June 2004. One of the tasks I had to do for her while she was very sick was take her to the bank and add my name to her account. I did this so I could take care of her financial matters for her. I remember the experience like it was yesterday. My mom was very frail and could hardly walk because the chemo was quickly killing her. I drove her to the Huntington Bank location in downtown Noblesville and I parked in the handicapped spot. I had to hold her arm and support her as she walked so she wouldn’t fall. It took us forever to get inside the building because her pace was so slow and her lung capacity was shitty.

As she walked, she carried a nasty towel because every few steps she took, she would vomit up yellow stomach fluid. This experience was very near the end of her life, and it was very difficult to be around her because you could see how much she was suffering. When we got inside the building, she looked like she was going to pass out and she had a difficult time talking to the clerk who helped us. By the end of the visit, she wasn’t very coherent and she practically passed out in the car as I drove her home. I had been avoided taking her to the bank because she was declining so quickly. Unfortunately, this particular experience required her presence.

That visit to the bank was when I really let myself realize how sick my mom was. I had known it intellectually, but I didn’t let myself feel it or understand it till then. It has been nine years, and I still haven’t gone to that particular bank location and I don’t intend to.

I find it odd that I had such an intense reaction to the bank so long after her death. I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately, and my dreams have been filled with her. I never had a good relationship with her and I had a hard time dealing with her various mental illnesses, but she was still my mom and part of me wishes she was still here and well.

It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to

It was my birthday last month and I decided to celebrate it by throwing myself a party. As I began to plan the party I realized that this was the first birthday party I’ve had as an adult. I’ve had casual get-togethers with friends and family but nothing as formal as a pre-planned party. Plus, I only remember having one friend party as a child. It was a combo party with my brother and it was held at the local skating rink. I was in the fourth grade and my brother was in the second grade. Our mom somehow managed to get our class lists and she prepared us invitations. We were supposed to take them to school and hand them out to our classmates. However, I distinctly remember being too embarrassed to hand them out to the boys at school. I ended up hiding the boy’s invitations in my book bag and I only invited the girls from my class. Apparently, fourth grade was an awkward age for me. My memory tells me that only three or four classmates showed up for me but my little brother had a roomful of friends. As an adult I still fall back on that memory whenever I’ve planned any gathering at my house and I always worry that no one will show up.

A few years ago I was on a girls trip to Florida with three friends, and it happened to be over my birthday weekend. They tried to surprise me while we were there by getting me a cake and singing happy birthday to me. I was mortified. I felt on the verge of tears and I made them stop singing to me. Seriously, I made them stop. It was a ridiculous thing for me to do and I own that, but at the time I wasn't willing to deal with my negative emotions about my birthday.

Ever since I turned 35 I have felt very depressed as my birthday month rolled around. A new birthday would come along and I would realize that I was still stagnant in my life and I haven’t fulfilled my two important life goals. So, I've avoided my birthdays. I haven’t wanted to celebrate them and I don’t remind my friends of the date. I even took the date off of facebook and I've asked the HR people at work to not advertise the date on our employee board or on our website. I keep wishing my birthday wouldn't happen and for time to stand still but it never does.

I decided to take a different route this year because it was a milestone birthday. The big 4-0. I had two choices. The first one was to act like an asshole like I've have for the last several years (ie..not letting my friends sing happy birthday to me) or I could try to embrace my birthday. I chose the later and decided to throw myself a party. Unfortunately, I still had some anxiety that no one would show up or they wouldn't stay for long.Therefore, I called my brother at least eight times to make sure that he, his wife and two of his children would show up so I could be assured that someone would be at my house.

I worked super hard on the day of the party to make tons of food to make sure everyone would have a good time at my house. I made three pans of lasagna from scratch, two meat and one veggie for my vegetarian friends. I made cookies, crab dip and a caramel pretzel dessert. I made carrots with cream cheese and hot apple cider. Basically, I went overboard. I worked for six full hours before the party to get everything ready. I was even in such a panic that I wouldn't be done in time that my brother brought his 13-year-old daughter over to help me, and she was fantastic. She did everything I asked of her and was happy to do it. I was super appreciative of her help.

When my guests started to arrive I finally relaxed and let myself enjoy the gathering and my guests. Everyone seemed to enjoy my food and the party. I think I had between 20 and 25 people show up and most people stayed for the duration of the party. I felt loved. Many people gave me a hug when they arrived and when they departed. I also received some unexpected gifts. Lots of wine and beer but I also received a gold pair of earrings, some flowers, a Starbucks gift card, and a cool candle holder and a mirror for my bike. The presents were very unexpected but appreciated.

I was also surprised with a special Star Trek birthday cake and I LOVED it. I think I even jumped up and down in joy. It was such a surprising and thoughtful gift. Virginia remembered me saying that I’ve always wanted one and she kept that in her memory banks for eight months while she waited for my birthday to arrive. It was tasty as well as being beautiful. I had another friend bring me a three layer chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and chocolate ganache. I was in chocolate heaven and I loved it. I felt so lucky to have two birthday cakes.

In the party invite I gave the guests an option to wear costumes. I don’t like wearing costumes but many of my friends are avid cosplayers and I knew they would enjoy celebrating the holiday by dressing up. Kristine was Lt. Uhura from Star Trek and she had on the classic short red dress and black boots. As a side note she even had to twerk in the short skirt during our game. Someone else had a ‘20’s themed outfit and someone had a long blond wig. I’m sure there were others but I don’t remember that now.

I’m very glad I was able to overcome my past fears. I also know that I have an incredible group of friends. I’ve worked very hard on finding quality caring people to have in my life. Specifically, I’ve found people I can truly be myself around and who are appreciative of my personality traits and like me. The bottom line was that my party was a success and everyone made me feel loved and appreciated.

Overpriced Books

I have a friend who was recovering from a serious surgery and I planned on visiting her Tuesday after work. I wanted to bring her a small gift and after a few minutes of thinking I decided to bring her a couple books unfortunately, that decision meant that I had to visit an actual book store and pay full retail price. I wanted to make this gesture for my friend but it hurt the cheap bastard that lurks within me.

I made it to the bookstore and I picked out two books. As I was making my choices I tried not to look at the prices because I knew it would piss me off. I also wanted to get a third book but I couldn't find the title I wanted and there was no one posted at the help desk so I gave up. So I wondered up to the check out counter to pay for the books.

As the clerk was ringing me up she asked me if I wanted a Barnes and Nobel store discount card. I didn't know anything about the card but I reflexively said no because I rarely frequent a physical book stores. The clerk asked me why and I responded in an honest manner. I told her 95% of my book purchases are made through Amazon and I dislike paying retail price for something I can get cheaper in the mail in two days.

This made the book clerk very mad and we ended up having a ten minute debate on how she needs her job and people should support their local bookstores. I understood her aggravation but I was not interested in supporting a retailer that cannot be competitive. However, we did have an interesting conversation. Plus, she tried to get me to visit the B&N website and use them to make purchases because they match Amazon prices. Her argument didn't sway me and I will continue to give my business to Amazon. They treat me well and I always find it easy to resolve problems with them.

Due to my nerdy accounting nature I couldn't help but do a price comparison of what I paid for my two books at B&N and what I would have paid with Amazon. I don't have my itemized receipt but I spent $22 for "Ender's Game" and "Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail". If I had purchased the books on Amazon and utilized free two day shipping my price would have been $11.88. B&N charged me double that price.  For a person like me who consumes thirty to forty books a year and doesn't bother using the library paying double for books isn't an option.

I felt good that I could get the gift for my friend on a short notice and I didn't mind spending $22 on her. I know that every event and action in my life cannot be preplanned out, but I seriously hate being ripped off and that is how I felt after leaving the book store.

On a side note she was very excited to get Wild and it was in her current reading list but I think that her dad will be the reader of "Ender's Game" and not my friend.