Because he was Pretty

Humiliation is a humbling thing.  Especially when it happens to me.  This is a story of the worst possible pick up line in the history of pick up lines.

I was at a bike event on Saturday riding next to my companion and we were very close to the end when a very cute man passed by us.  I waved and said hi to him.  I was a bit taken aback and I even commented to my friend that I thought he was super cute.  This is something that I rarely comment on.  I see it and notice it but I don’t usually vocalize my appreciation.

A while later we had finished the ride and there was three of us sitting at the end of two tables enjoying our lunch.  We were talking and having fun when the cute man sat at the table next to us.  I should mention that two of us were at one table and the other person in my group was at the second table.  So my position in the chair was facing the other table. 

This is where my companions lost me in the conversation.  I just kept staring at the guy.  Creepy right?  I sat there trying to come up with an opening line.  Apparently, my brain lost its power to process information the longer I looked at him.  During my five minutes of contemplation I am sure I "appeared" to be interested in my conversation but right now I have no idea what we were talking about.  Bad Candy.  Sooo...finally there was a lull in the conversation and I had an opportunity to ask the cute man a question.  

Wait for it...this is it.  Eeek...this is really embarrassing to say out loud....ok...ok..

"Can you tell me about the charity on your jersey, living strong....I read a blogger called Fat Cyclist that is often advertising for them."

Soooo...there was about 3 seconds of shocked silence and then gigantic bursts of laughter from both of my companions.  I am pretty sure one of them was almost rolling on the ground in hysterics.

The pretty man mentioned that it was Lance Armstrong's charity (you know America's most famous cyclist) for cancer.

OMG..OMG..OMG..OMG..OMG..OMG

Then he motioned to the yellow wrist bands that he was wearing.  

  How could I possibly ask a stranger at a cycling event such a absurd question.  What the F is wrong with me.  The worst part was that I didn't really know the answer.

After this my friends closed the circle again and I really never had another opportunity to talk to the cute man.  There was no recovery.  Couldn't one of my friends help me out?  They were terrible wing men.  I need to train them better.  Or myself.

So it is quite apparent that I have no game.  I would even say that I have a -8 game.  That bad.  Why couldn't I ask some simple questions like:

How was your ride today?

How many poker cards did you get?

How long have you been cycling?

I told this story to a friend today and she offered to make me some index cards with appropriate questions for future events.  With my luck I would do something even worse like pull them out and read off of them.

I did learn two lessons on Saturday.  #1.  Keep it simple and don't think too much.  Act normal and ask normal questions.  #2.  I am now somewhat knowledgeable about livestrong.org.

***While I was writing this entry the song "Where Was My Brain" by Ted Leo and the Pharmacists played on my iTunes.  Irony at its best.

Don’t give up don’t quit don’t do it…don’t give up don’t quit don’t do it

I went on an organized bike ride a couple weeks ago with a group of friends to Harrodsburg, Indiana.  I was wavering back and forth about going and the decision wasn’t made until 9:30pm on Friday night and I had to be a friend’s house by 8am the next morning.  I am so glad I made the decision to go.  This ride was a bit South of Bloomington and a bit North of Bedford.  Basically, hilly country.

There were three routes we could choose, hard, harder and almost impossible.  I chose to go on the route with the group….guess what they chose.  That is right, Almost Impossible.  Sigh! 

There were five of us on this epic adventure.  I didn’t know what to expect when we left the start area and I am sure that was a good thing.  I just thought it was going to be your average 30 mile bike ride.  Not so, as I quickly learned.  The first three miles were eye opening.  Horrible.  Terrible.  Hard.  I mean really really hard.   What I mean by hard was a constant up and down.  There were no flatland.  Just long uphill’s and exhilarating downhill’s.  But honestly, all I remember are the uphill’s.  Those are the rides where I wished I had a fancy GPS cycleometer and it could tell me my total ascent.  But I don’t have that cool toy yet so you just have to believe me when I say there was zero flatland.

After the first three miles I resigned myself to the remaining 27 hard miles.  I just kept pedaling up and down and up and down.  I had assumed that the group was going to drop me quickly as I am a slow hill climber.  Not so…I would always find them waiting patiently(??) for me at the bottom of  descents or the crest of a hill.  I was always happy to see them in the distance and have a reason to keep moving forward.

There was a very awesome downhill section that allowed me to get my bike to 36mph.  Seriously…36mph.  The adrenalin was so worth the tough ascents.  I loved it.  Flying down the road at my top speed and enjoying the wind in my face and the carefree attitude of someone who thinks she is invincible.  I know this isn’t true but I still feel that I am.  Emotions have no logic.

Soon after the awesome downhill section I found the first hill that made me want to quit and cry.  It wasn’t particularly steep but just long.  It went on forever.  I kept telling myself to pedal. Turn the crank.  Move my feet.  The little cheerleader in my head kept repeating: “You can do it.  You can do it.  You cannot quit and walk.  You can do it.”  And I did.  I made it up the hill and I was so excited.  Spent but happy to be done.

Somewhere after the start of the ride one of my companions discovered that there was no sag stops on this ride.  None!  I don’t think anyone was prepared for this to happen.  I forgot my water bottles and thankfully someone loaned me theirs.  I brought no food and I ate a small breakfast.  The lack of food was a real problem around mile 20.  My body wanted it and I had none to give it.  This is where things began to go wrong.

We got to a beautiful section of the ride that crossed the dam.  It was pretty and we got this picture.  We took a little reprieve with little knowledge of what was in our immediate future.  We turned a corner and discovered a mountain in front of us.  I am not making this up, it was a mountain.  I found out later that cycling groups use this hill as training and they call it the “alps”.  W.  I knew quickly that there was ZERO chance of me making it up this hill so I hopped off my bike and I started walking up.  Walking..walking…walking.  It kicked my ass to walk up this hill.  I was breathing hard and my heart rate was very elevated.  I think three of the five members were able to ride up the hill. Kudos to them as it was not my time.

The last 10 miles were a blur to me.  I just kept telling myself to keep going.  My body was so done.  But as I never saw one sag wagon the only way back to my car was on my bike.  So I kept going.  At one point E rode up next to me and started a conversation.  I was talking but breathing really hard.  Really I think I was gasping and it was a little hill by comparison but I was spent.  He looked at me and told me it was OK to take a break.  It never occurred to me to take my own break. I was always concerned that the group was waiting on me and I didn’t want to hold them up.  I took a little break and it helped.  The little hill didn’t feel nearly as tough when I gave my heart and legs a bit of a rest.

There was one other hill that I walked up.  I don’t think it would have been too tough on a normal day but I was d-u-n.  There wasn’t much left in me.  I just pushed the bike up the hill and rode it down.  Close to the end we passed by a gas station and we could smell fried chicken.  OMG…it sounded so good.  I wanted to go in and stuff my face but I refrained and we kept going to the end. 

We parked about a mile from the building so after we ate we still had to haul ourselves back to the car and damn, it was uphill.  Suck!  But I made it back.  It was a good but very challenging day.  I had never been on a ride of that type and it was nice to challenge myself.  It felt good to know what I am(was) capable of doing when I set my mind to it.

Conversations

I went clothes shopping yesterday and I had the following exchange with a stranger as we were paying for our items.

S:  I really want this DKNY gray sweater.
C:  It is divine isn't it.  You should buy it.  I am getting one.
S:  Um...did you see the price.
C:  No, I didn't look at the price on any of my choices.
S:  You might want to take a look.
C:  Eeek....it is $89.
S:  Now  you see my dilemma.
C:  I still think it is beautiful and you should buy it.

Seriously.  Do I think I am a Rockefeller?  I didn't look at the price and apparently I didn't care as I still bought the item.  In my defense I had several 50% off coupons so the bottom line price was actually $44.  That was a much more palatable price.

OMG...is it awesome!

Last week brother Lou came over to see little Jadzia and we had the following conversation about my old iPod.

L:  What are you doing with your old iPod?
C:  What?  It's mine.
L:  I know whose it is but I was wondering what you were doing with it.
C:  You CAN'T have it.
L:  But, you are not using it.
C:  It doesn't matter how much I use it.  It is mine.
L:  Seriously,  you have a shiny new one.
C:  It doesn't matter as it is MINE and I am not sharing.

I assure you that old iPod is still on my coffee table.  Apparently, I have a bit of an attachment to it;)

Vacation Debate

I have two vacation opportunities for 2011. I want to do both but I know I cannot afford both as well as I don’t have enough vacation time. It is time to make a decision. The first opportunity popped up a few weeks ago and it is a trip to Australia and New Zealand with my university. The second trip would be a weeklong visit to Paris with a friend. Both trips are very appealing to me and they each have pro’s and con’s.

Paris

Pro’s
Really dig into the Parisian culture

Pastries
Cycling around the city
Only 5 days of vacation
Time spent with an old friend

Con’s
Not a new vacation
$3000 max (much better than Australia…and I am not sure if this should be a Pro or a Con)

Australia/New Zealand

Pro’s
Kangaroos
The Great Barrier Reef
Surfing

This could be me in 2011

Cute Australian men with heart fluttering accents
Guided
Business Visits
Great company
New New New

Con’s
$5500 or more….
10 days of vacation at once

Every time I look at the lists my natural inclination is to say F*uck it and go to Australia. But the really big problem is the money. I have been making some progress with my finances this year and I have been working my way out of credit card debt. This kind of trip could set me back. I have thought though a plan to pay for this trip with cash but it doesn’t quite cover it. It would require me to be disciplined, and let’s face it that isn’t my strongest asset. I would have to take every penny that the roommate gives me and diligently pay down my credit card each month. This gains me about $4000 by the time of the trip. So I would also need to keep up the discipline for several months after the trip as well as mentally committing to keeping the roommate for at least another year. Is living alone again worth skipping a super awesome trip? IDK…

I have been to Paris twice in the last ten years and just like NYC it garners multiple visits. I am sure that the city has many things that I haven’t seen and experienced. Taking a full week there would immerse me in the culture and allow me to really feel the city. The friend who wants to go is fluent in French and she has lived there on multiple occasions. We travel well together and have very similar ideas about what makes a great vacation. This would be a nice alternative to going to Australia and it would be significantly cheaper. It would take me much less discipline to pay for this trip with cash and I know I would enjoy the time with my friend and the time in the great city.

Honestly, I am really leaning towards Australia and I guess I am trying to decide if I want to be boring and responsible with my money or live a little reckless on the financial side.

Meet Jadzia

I have a new kitten. Isn’t she precious. She is so cute and full of energy. She runs around the house with no fear and she thinks she is invincible. I have to wonder if this in innate in kittens or if I have worn off on her.
I got her a week and a half ago and she has dramatically increased my pet work time. She makes messes and needs constant attention. The very first night I took her home I was laying on my bed and she was sitting on my neck. She got up and walked across my chest and hopped off onto the bed. She got close to my side and I thought she was trying to cuddle with me. Not So! She decided that was a great place to take a shit. When she was done she hopped up on me and tried to get back on my neck. Let me point put that this wasn’t ordinary shit…it was diarrhea shit. Gross!!!!!!!

I picked her up and quickly got out of bed and I realized my shirt and hands were covered in kitten poo. I took us both to the bathroom and I sat her on the counter and I pulled off my shirt. I wiped my hands and I tried to wipe Jadzias feet and tail off. I had already decided that the shirt was going to be a causality to this situation. I turned on the water to rinse off my hands and that damn kitten wondered off and fell off the counter on the side by the toilet to where the cleaning supplies are kept. Eeek..little Jadzia was fragile and I was worried that she was hurt. Then I noticed the shit on the wall and toilet and floor. The mess was getting worse and not better. BTW…she was fine. Apparently, she is ok with falling 3 feet.

I managed to get her and I cleaned up and I walked over to my bed to assess the situation. It was disgusting. By the way I was reading a book when this occurred and it suffered some damage. Since I was really enjoying the book I decided to try and clean the pages in lieu of tossing it. I picked it all up and donned a clean shirt as I didn’t think my roommate would appreciate the topless look and headed off to the washer. The roommate found this situation hysterical and couldn’t stop laughing. I guess it was the look of disgust on my face. I only have two sets of sheets for my bed, winter flannel sheets and regular sheets. I had to make do with the hot flannel sheets for the night. Shortly thereafter Jadzia got relegated to the bathroom for my evening sleep.

The next day when I got home Jadzia was so happy to see me. She kept squeaking and meowing and saying Hi. I had put her on a cat milk supplement and I soaked her food in it to soften it up to make it easier for her to eat. I sat it down and she ate half of it and a bit later I realized that Sparks had helped himself to what she didn’t eat. Big Fing mistake!!! About an hour or so later I went back to my room to get something I saw a vomit trail. Apparently the kitties milk was just a tad too rich for Spark’s tummy and he vomited everywhere. The floor and my BED! Seriously, my bed was defiled for the second time in two days. Plus I had just removed the sheets from the dryer. At least I could remove the hot flannel sheets from my bed. Everything went into the laundry and the floor was cleaned with the mini carpet cleaner.

Apparently, I am not able to learn my lesson. The next day I gave Jadzia her milk and food and again left her unattended and Sparks had himself a feast. And again he vomited on my bed and floor. At this point I felt like I was living in a hotel and I was the maid as I had to change my bed so many times. Seriously, I couldn’t keep the sheets clean. Thankfully, that was the last vomit incident and things have quieted down a bit at my house. Everyone is getting along well and we are all existing in peace and harmony.

That is until Jadzia uses my nose as a ladder to my head with her claws. Damn that hurt!

Sometimes Stupid Things Come Out of my Mouth

Do you ever say something you regret? Like instantly…the moment it leaves your lips. I often say things that I slightly regret and I can live with that, but on Saturday I really put my foot in my mouth.
I was at a biking party with several friends and tons of people I didn’t know. Most of the unknowns were family members of the host/hostess. I talked to many of them and I was friendly and outgoing. But, I just couldn’t (didn’t try) remember their names.

Sometime in the afternoon I was having a conversation with SH and I was complimenting her on her ability to learn all of the family members names. I was impressed as I never do that. Then it happened. I said what I was really thinking. Ok…here goes.

“I don’t try to remember all of the new people’s names because I don’t want to fill up my brain with useless information.”

Apparently names = useless information to me.

I seriously said that out-loud in a room full of people. Eeek….I am sure this was one of those times where I should have kept the thought to myself. I immediately regretted saying the words and I looked around to see if there was any reactions beyond the specific person I was talking to. I didn’t see anyone giving me a mean stare but my face immediately showed my regret and shock at the horrible thing I just said. The person I was talking to also indicated that it was an out of line remark. Sigh….I hate it when my mouth gets me into trouble. I detected no repercussions from this except my complete embarrassment.

Soo…this is actually what I think and why I don’t try to remember other people’s names when they are not a part of my life. I remember the first two years I belonged to my book club and I only knew a few people’s names. I just didn’t make a connection with anyone outside of a small subgroup and therefore, I didn’t remember the details about the other members. I think I finally made a conscious decision two years into the group that it was necessary for me to remember everyone’s names and I committed them to my brain.

I find myself doing this at work also. I am part of many committees and a few months ago my job was to greet the employees as they walked into the room and put their names on a raffle ticket. You can only imagine how that turned out for me. Yes…hugely embarrassing. The bad thing is almost everyone knows who I am and my name.

I have asked myself if I want to change this behavior. The answer is no. I feel a bit guilty saying so but I am not sure I really want to take the time to memorize all of the names of the people I meet. Even if I have a conversation with them I am not sure I see the point in remembering their name if I am never going to talk to them again. I guess I don’t know if I am “never” going to talk to them again but I can make and assumption.

What do you think? How do you view this topic? Do you remember the names of people when you meet them?

America's Next Top Model I am NOT

I bit the bullet today and decided to purchase some new clothes.  I abhor clothes shopping and I try to avoid stores at all costs.  Drop me off at an electronics store and I am in heaven.  Give me an invitation to the mall and I begin to have a stomach ache.

I started this adventure on Friday afternoon.  I stopped by The Avenue after lunch and I tried on six pairs of jeans, four pairs of dress pants and a pair of shoes and I left the store with ZERO items.  I just will not spend my money on something unless I really like the way it looks. If there is anything about the garment that bothers me, I leave it in the store.  So...no purchases.  Boo!!!

Today I decided to visit Lane Bryant and I put my mind to finding items that fit my style and were comfortable as well as functional.  I was in that store forever.  I believe it was three hours.  By the time I left I was on a first name basis with two of the employees and one of them gave me a hug as I left.  Seriously...the employee gave me a hug.  I guess I made her day.

When I first arrived I wondered around lost and I tried on several things with no luck.  Then I met X.  I explained to her my aversion to shopping and left to my own I would leave with plain jeans and t-shirts.  I knew that wasn't what I needed so I asked her for help.  She took me around the store and began to build me outfits.  She explained to me the wonder that is layering.  I have never done that before.  W.  Having the employee help me was like having my own personal shopper.  What an awesome experience. 

This top was off of the clearance rack and as soon as I saw it I thought of Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island.  This was the middle of the photo shoot and I was getting a bit silly.  I never knew what to do with my hands so I began to act like the women on The Price is Right.  I really don't know why the wooden cat is in the picture except that I couldn't get Sparks to cooperate with me.

This is an example of the layering.  The blue top is sleeveless and is very light so I shouldn't get hot in this outfit in the cooler months.  BTW...this is one of the rare occasion where you get to see me in heels.  I bet most of you never knew that I even owned any shoes with high heels.

This is my second favorite outfit.  I really like this jean jacket and it brings back memories of high school and my desire to own the perfect jean jacket.  I don't think I ever owned the perfect jacket as those came at a price that was just too dear for my HS income.

This is the first thing she brought me and by far my favorite outfit.  Look at those silver buttons.  Awesome!  Did you notice the brown shoes peaking out of the jeans?  What do you think?  Do they match?

Before I put all of my fabulous new clothes away I decided to do a major closet clean out.  The underlying reason for the shopping was that most of my clothes no longer fit.  They just hang off of me.  Woot!  I was in deliberation for some time as to the final resting place of these unflattering apparel.  Then I decided, F*uck It!  Get rid of it all!  I no longer need it and it should all make its way to the Goodwill.  I sincerely hope that I will not regret this decision.  In case you cannot tell this is close to three laundry baskets full of stuff.

I am not going to tell you how much money I spent, but I am pretty sure the manager of Lane Bryant is very happy today.  This was the most money I have every spent at one time on clothes.