Because he was Pretty

Humiliation is a humbling thing.  Especially when it happens to me.  This is a story of the worst possible pick up line in the history of pick up lines.

I was at a bike event on Saturday riding next to my companion and we were very close to the end when a very cute man passed by us.  I waved and said hi to him.  I was a bit taken aback and I even commented to my friend that I thought he was super cute.  This is something that I rarely comment on.  I see it and notice it but I don’t usually vocalize my appreciation.

A while later we had finished the ride and there was three of us sitting at the end of two tables enjoying our lunch.  We were talking and having fun when the cute man sat at the table next to us.  I should mention that two of us were at one table and the other person in my group was at the second table.  So my position in the chair was facing the other table. 

This is where my companions lost me in the conversation.  I just kept staring at the guy.  Creepy right?  I sat there trying to come up with an opening line.  Apparently, my brain lost its power to process information the longer I looked at him.  During my five minutes of contemplation I am sure I "appeared" to be interested in my conversation but right now I have no idea what we were talking about.  Bad Candy.  Sooo...finally there was a lull in the conversation and I had an opportunity to ask the cute man a question.  

Wait for it...this is it.  Eeek...this is really embarrassing to say out loud....ok...ok..

"Can you tell me about the charity on your jersey, living strong....I read a blogger called Fat Cyclist that is often advertising for them."

Soooo...there was about 3 seconds of shocked silence and then gigantic bursts of laughter from both of my companions.  I am pretty sure one of them was almost rolling on the ground in hysterics.

The pretty man mentioned that it was Lance Armstrong's charity (you know America's most famous cyclist) for cancer.

OMG..OMG..OMG..OMG..OMG..OMG

Then he motioned to the yellow wrist bands that he was wearing.  

  How could I possibly ask a stranger at a cycling event such a absurd question.  What the F is wrong with me.  The worst part was that I didn't really know the answer.

After this my friends closed the circle again and I really never had another opportunity to talk to the cute man.  There was no recovery.  Couldn't one of my friends help me out?  They were terrible wing men.  I need to train them better.  Or myself.

So it is quite apparent that I have no game.  I would even say that I have a -8 game.  That bad.  Why couldn't I ask some simple questions like:

How was your ride today?

How many poker cards did you get?

How long have you been cycling?

I told this story to a friend today and she offered to make me some index cards with appropriate questions for future events.  With my luck I would do something even worse like pull them out and read off of them.

I did learn two lessons on Saturday.  #1.  Keep it simple and don't think too much.  Act normal and ask normal questions.  #2.  I am now somewhat knowledgeable about livestrong.org.

***While I was writing this entry the song "Where Was My Brain" by Ted Leo and the Pharmacists played on my iTunes.  Irony at its best.