Do you ever say something you regret? Like instantly…the moment it leaves your lips. I often say things that I slightly regret and I can live with that, but on Saturday I really put my foot in my mouth.
I was at a biking party with several friends and tons of people I didn’t know. Most of the unknowns were family members of the host/hostess. I talked to many of them and I was friendly and outgoing. But, I just couldn’t (didn’t try) remember their names.
Sometime in the afternoon I was having a conversation with SH and I was complimenting her on her ability to learn all of the family members names. I was impressed as I never do that. Then it happened. I said what I was really thinking. Ok…here goes.
“I don’t try to remember all of the new people’s names because I don’t want to fill up my brain with useless information.”
Apparently names = useless information to me.
I seriously said that out-loud in a room full of people. Eeek….I am sure this was one of those times where I should have kept the thought to myself. I immediately regretted saying the words and I looked around to see if there was any reactions beyond the specific person I was talking to. I didn’t see anyone giving me a mean stare but my face immediately showed my regret and shock at the horrible thing I just said. The person I was talking to also indicated that it was an out of line remark. Sigh….I hate it when my mouth gets me into trouble. I detected no repercussions from this except my complete embarrassment.
Soo…this is actually what I think and why I don’t try to remember other people’s names when they are not a part of my life. I remember the first two years I belonged to my book club and I only knew a few people’s names. I just didn’t make a connection with anyone outside of a small subgroup and therefore, I didn’t remember the details about the other members. I think I finally made a conscious decision two years into the group that it was necessary for me to remember everyone’s names and I committed them to my brain.
I find myself doing this at work also. I am part of many committees and a few months ago my job was to greet the employees as they walked into the room and put their names on a raffle ticket. You can only imagine how that turned out for me. Yes…hugely embarrassing. The bad thing is almost everyone knows who I am and my name.
I have asked myself if I want to change this behavior. The answer is no. I feel a bit guilty saying so but I am not sure I really want to take the time to memorize all of the names of the people I meet. Even if I have a conversation with them I am not sure I see the point in remembering their name if I am never going to talk to them again. I guess I don’t know if I am “never” going to talk to them again but I can make and assumption.
What do you think? How do you view this topic? Do you remember the names of people when you meet them?
3 comments:
I think it's important to remember people's names. Think about how it makes you feel when someone you don't know very well remembers your name. Your name is one of the most important things you have; when someone remembers it and uses it, it shows they took the time to do so (even if it's easy for them to do). If they obviously don't know your name (don't say it, say the wrong name, pronounce it incorrectly), it gives the opposite impression: you're not worth the time to remember.
It can be helpful in a business setting. In general, people are easier to work with if you have established some kind of personal connection to them ... this may not be as much of a factor in your role as it is in other areas of the company, but developing a network within the company can be very useful both while you're there and after you've left, and you can't do that if you don't know people's names
Your acquaintance circle is quite large now, so I understand how it would be hard to remember all of the names. I tend to remember names, but honestly if I were bombarded with as many people as you are in social settings, I'm not so sure I would. I think this is an interesting part of your personality because in general politeness means so much to you. However, I like how you have this dismissive edge that kind of implies, "I don't care who you are." Please don't let anyone change that in you.
OMG I’m the same way! Just a theory, but here goes…
Ever heard how some autistic people describe thinking in pictures, not words? I’m like that with names. Sometimes I’ll blank on a name of someone I know, even someone I’m close to, but I can remember EVERYTHING about them. I can tell you how we met, where we ate lunch yesterday, what I ate…but not their name. Especially if you pressure me for the name. Like if I was playing jeopardy and each clue was a picture of a member of my family, I’d never press my buzzer because I know I couldn’t spit out a name in 5 seconds.
NG
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