Judgements

I really hate being judgmental and I try to see things from a variety of perspectives.  I try to see what the other person is thinking and I try to respect their opinion.  But...I have a friend who has really pushed the boundaries of my ability to not judge.  She told me a story a few weeks ago that made me evaluate my personal values and beliefs. 

She told me that she had been dating a guy and after a few weeks discovered that he was a distant relative.  Fourth cousins...I think.  Their grandmothers are sisters.  Then she told me that she just found out that he is married.  The hard part of the conversation was that she was going to continue to see him.

See...it is hard to not immediately condemn her for her choices.

I listened to her story and I tried to clear my head of the preconceived notions that society has said is appropriate behavior.  I think the idea of dating a fourth cousin was a bit weird but it didn't really bother me.   I was able to move on but I was stopped by the idea of dating a married man.  Some of our conversation revolved around the idea that if it wasn't her as the other women then it would be someone else.  That is true but you still have to live with your actions.  I personally don't think I would be able to live with myself if I decided to enter into a relationship with a married man. 

But..what should I think about my friend?  Should I judge her and not talk to her anymore?  No...I wouldn't do that.  But I did listen to her and tried to hear things from her perspective.  She fully admitted that she knew it wasn't OK behavior but she was going to proceed.  I thought about that statement and then I found a way to relate it to myself.  I think there are a ton of things that I do that I know are not good for me (like eating bad food) that I continue to do.  The big difference is that behavior doesn't effect anyone else.  If I overeat every day I just get fatter.  But if my friend dates a married man and the wife finds out then that hurts the guys wife.

That was my primary objection to seeing a married man. I don't want to do things that would purposefully hurt another person.  That is what I told her but I also know I cannot control what another person does.  The best part was that she felt comfortable having this conversation with me because she thought I was a non-judgmental person.  She has loads of other friends that would immediately judge and condemn her for her actions.  I really appreciate her confiding in me and creating a great thought provoking conversation.