When I was in high school I felt invisible. I didn't have very many friends and I was awkward and weird. The worst part was I didn't understand how to fit in and I have always walked to my own beat. For example, I didn't listen to popular music in high school...um...I listened to the oldies 60's and 70's station. Weird. My friends and I wouldn't even brave the cafeteria at lunch. We would sit in the hallway next to the cafeteria and hide in plain sight.
As an adult I feel that my high school invisibility was from my own doing. I didn't really understand how to make friends and I didn't know how to be social. I always felt self-conscious about how I looked and I thought that most other people were better than me. Being very poor didn't help my self-esteem.
I don't often think or dwell about high school. I don't look at my past as an obstacle but simply as part of who I am today. For the most part I am pretty happy with who I am and with my ability to socialize and make friends. I don't usually fade into the background because I am self-conscious and I try to embrace the good and bad parts of myself and look at myself as I really am.
However, it is funny how something small and insignificant can make me feel like I am in high school all over again. A few weeks ago I got invited to my high schools XXXX (the long long ago year I graduated) Facebook reunion page. This page was designed to get everyone together and reconnect old friends. I was part of the group but someone made a list of "missing people" and I was on that list. It instantly took me back to the invisible feeling of high school. I was there but not.
I quickly got over the bad feelings but it was amazing how something can trigger a bad feeling and bring unpleasant memories to the forefront of my mind. Gosh...I hate when that happens.
As an adult I feel that my high school invisibility was from my own doing. I didn't really understand how to make friends and I didn't know how to be social. I always felt self-conscious about how I looked and I thought that most other people were better than me. Being very poor didn't help my self-esteem.
I don't often think or dwell about high school. I don't look at my past as an obstacle but simply as part of who I am today. For the most part I am pretty happy with who I am and with my ability to socialize and make friends. I don't usually fade into the background because I am self-conscious and I try to embrace the good and bad parts of myself and look at myself as I really am.
However, it is funny how something small and insignificant can make me feel like I am in high school all over again. A few weeks ago I got invited to my high schools XXXX (the long long ago year I graduated) Facebook reunion page. This page was designed to get everyone together and reconnect old friends. I was part of the group but someone made a list of "missing people" and I was on that list. It instantly took me back to the invisible feeling of high school. I was there but not.
I quickly got over the bad feelings but it was amazing how something can trigger a bad feeling and bring unpleasant memories to the forefront of my mind. Gosh...I hate when that happens.
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