Every time she says encouraging things like “There is no CAN’T in Candace” I have a messed up tape in my head that says I can’t do stuff. However, with her encouragement and my ignoring the bad tape I began a couch to 5K program about four weeks ago. This week I am working on the week four workout redux. This workout has me running twice for five minutes. FIVE WHOLE MINUTES WITHOUT STOPPING. I think that will be a little less than .4 mile and very hard. During this week’s interval I am running a total of 16 of the 21 minutes. FYI…four weeks ago I would have said that was impossible.
Even though I have achieved what I deemed impossible a mere four weeks ago I still cannot possibly conceive of running 13 miles when five minutes is a challenge. But why?
A few weeks ago I was at a Rock Band party with several friends and I was playing the drums. The drums are my nemesis. They are hard for me and I don’t seem to correlate the sound of the drum stick hitting the drum to the pictures of the notes on the screen. If the beat is slow I can muddle my way through, but if it gets faster I cannot stay on beat. Sigh!!!
So I was playing the drums and I decided to play on the medium level for a while as I usually lounge in the easy level. I failed out. Not just once but I failed out three times in one song and that kicked me out of the song. Hm… I commented to my friends that in the year that I have been playing Rock Band I have never failed out of a song.
The first response I got was “If you have never failed out of a song then you must have never pushed yourself” and the others in the room nodded in agreement (I should mention that the room was full of athletic competitive males). At the time I ignored the comment off but I find that it is still haunting me.
If I have never failed….then I must have never pushed myself.
I quit running last year after two weeks. Was that failing or quitting. I suspect quitting. Why do I think it is better to quit than to fail?
Should I look at this as a challenge? I really really have a hard time believing that I could run 13 miles. I guess I could run and walk it but I WOULD NOT want to be picked up by the loser bus. Really…there is such a thing. If you don’t keep a pace to finish in an 18 minute/mile minimum pace they make you get on the loser bus. That would be four hours start to finish. Eeek. FYI my comfortable walking pace is a 20 minute mile.
It is interesting to me that I am scared of a 13 mile run but I think nothing of starting a 66 mile ride on my bike and I know that I will finish no matter what. I no longer have any fear of what I can accomplish while cycling and I often think that I am Superwomen and I can do anything. This is not the case with running.
Is it really fear that is preventing me from entering? Am I really afraid of failing. I think it is everything. I still don’t know. Like most people I really hate the feeling of failure. On a bike ride this summer I was scheduled to ride the 50 mile course and I discovered that my legs and body did not want to cooperate with me that day so I ended up doing the shorter course of 30 miles. I felt like a quitter and a failure all at the same time. It was horrible and I don’t want to repeat that feeling. Plus my friends got sick of me complaining about how horrible it was that I ONLY rode 30 miles.
Perhaps I should start with a smaller goal. Say running an entire 5K before I commit to a half marathon.
8 comments:
What are you talking about? There is no 'can't' in 'Candace'? That's so clever! The person who thought of that must be extremely intelligent. And probably incredibly attractive with a great sense of humor as well.
Dear Anonymous-
I am sure that person has several assets including attractiveness and a great sense of humor but she might have bad timing.
Apparently that person isn't very subtle.
Failure is a harsh word, at least in the context in which most people use it: people who look at things in a binary sense. All or nothing, success or failure. It's more meaningful to look at what you did compared to your goal. Yes, you failed out of a song, but how far did you play? If you played that song again, could you get farther? You might not get through the whole song, but you could make progress ... and some day, you might complete it.
You would be surprised if you saw me play Guitar Hero I back in the day. I could only play on Medium, maybe a couple of songs on Hard, and that was it. Eventually, with a lot of practice, I could go back and play songs on Hard, but Expert was too much ... you get the idea. Don't be afraid to fail. Don't be afraid to try.
You're not sure you can run 13 miles. Ask yourself a couple of questions: do you want to try, and can you find a plan to get you from couch to 13 miles in seven months?
If the answer to the first question is "no", then don't do it. This will take a lot of effort, and if you don't want it, you're better off spending it on something you do want.
But if it's "yes", well ... here's an example. This schedule "assumes you have been running regularly for at least 4 weeks and can run at least thirty minutes without stopping before beginning the program." The Mini is in 150 days, which means you have 80 days to get to the point where you can start the program above ... more than enough time, if you're willing. (Basically, week 1 would be the end of February/beginning of March.) And if you can run a 5K before February, then this is possible.
Now, that doesn't mean it will happen. Not everyone responds the same way to new physical challenges; your body might decide that it hates running and create some obstacles that you can't overcome. You might decide that running four days a week during cycling season isn't what you want to do. You might not want to run 10 miles at a time.
But if your body can handle it, and if you're willing to try it, you might be surprised at what you can do. Even if you can't run 13 miles, who cares? You tried. You did more than most people are willing to do. "Loser bus" is the wrong mentality to have: it's assistance in the same way that a sagwagon is. Sometimes you're better off admitting that you need help that day. It doesn't mean you're a failure or a loser or anything else of that sort, and it doesn't mean you can't come back and try it again, and maybe the next time, you'll complete the song ...
I have read this blog at least seven times now. I love it. So much. I feel like everyone can identify with this.
Everyone struggles with fear of failure. Everyone. But you can do anything you set your mind to. That's the trick to remember.
And it's like Dave said, you have to want to do it. That's key. Don't think about whether or not you can, think about whether or not you want to achieve something. Once you decide you want to, you have plenty of tools at your disposal that you can use to achieve your goals. I have faith in you, Candy. I wouldn't have asked you to do 'Escape from Alcatraz' with me if I didn't :-)
(Besides, if you got that suitcase up the stairs, you should already know that you can do anything you put your mind to.)
@Z...I think you are right. I really need to decide if running 13 miles is something I want to devote so much time to. I had not thought about it in that manner. My primary goal this winter is to work my legs and cardio system to become a better cyclist next summer. No where in that goal list does it say run 13 miles. I know that running with help me improve my cardio endurance and that with help with goal #1.
I guess I want to see how long it will take me to successfully complete a 5K and then I feel like I will be better prepared to make a final decision. And I could still walk it with A and her cousin.
@Ems....I am glad you liked and identified with my story. I know is is a common thing that many people struggle with and it is always nice to identify with others in similar situations.
That is the thing about running, especially for novices ... distance running always takes a lot of time. Figure 3 mph at first; you'd be running 4-5 hours per week. The cutoff for the Mini is a little faster, and thus, I think, just about 4 hours, so you might actually end up running for that long.
But again, you don't have to run that far now, nor even that much per week, not until late February. Like you said, try out the 5K and see how that goes.
Piggybacking on z again - I wanted to reiterate what we had talked about previously. I am in no way an experienced runner. Running any sort of long distance is still a lot of work for me. But when I do train for this, my entire life is centered around it. I have to eat correctly, sleep correctly, and I can't plan things on the days I have to run. Otherwise, I'm just setting myself up for a really difficult run, and ultimately quitting because it's so hard. I think it requires quite a bit of dedication. I mean, once my long runs were getting up to 7-9 miles, I would be running for quite a while and since I don't get up early (a trait we both share :-) I had to make sure to watch my plans on Saturdays to make sure I had enough time for my run, and then enough energy to do what I wanted to do that night.
But I also completely believe that training to run the mini the first time (two years ago) is a large part of why my cardio system is in the shape it's in. (which isn't great, but isn't as bad as I remember before I started running.)
I walked the Mini 5K in 2005, back when I was into walking 5Ks. It was a challenge because that was during a period when I was not doing other physical activities. Now, that I exercise more, I believe it would be easy for me. I say you should run the 5K. I just don't understand the whole notion of feeling bad about failure in athletic pursuits. Now maybe if I had athletic prowess or was very fit, I'd feel differently. Who knows?
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