What makes a person decide that someone else has good or bad intentions? I think that many mis-communications revolve around the thinking that someone else has malicious intentions when presenting them with information.
For Example: I have been trying to get a co-worker to join my book club. I have asked her to join me several times and she says that she is interested but she hasn't read any of the books. I decided to "surprise" her and I ordered her a copy of this months book on Amazon. Since I considered this a surprise I didn't give her a waring about the packages arrival last Wednesday. Then I forgot about it...until today. I walked over to her cube and asked her if she has received any presents in the mail lately. She gave me a blank look and said no. After a few seconds I could see that she started to think about it and then her face changed from pleasant to mad. She asked me if it was a book. I said yes with a giant smile on my face.
She told me that she got it last week and she was very angry because she thought someone sent it to her to say that she was dumb because the book is about a mentally challenged boy. She called up her family and interrogated them to find out who sent it and she even called Amazon to see if they shipped it to her by mistake. She really thought someone sent her the book out of meanness. After she corralled her emotions she laughed but she did throw me out of her cube. I guess I could have given her warning about the books arrival but in my mind that would have ruined the surprise.
It made me feel good to send her the book and it made me sad that people often take acts of kindness out of context. I don't understand why so many people look for the bad in others and often assume that someone is trying to do them wrong. I am over this way of thinking. Why can't we just talk to each other and assume the best in others instead of the worst?
Another example also happened at work. A friend came up to me and the first thing she said was, "You look tired.". Um...wow. My first instinct was to think she was being rude but my second thought was to think she was expressing concern for me. I probably did look tired and needed additional rest and that is how I chose to take that comment.
I just wish people could take information at face value instead of reading so many different things into a conversation. (Me included).
2 comments:
eeeeeek! I would be so embarrassed. I'm sorry it turned out this way, but given her response to a surprise book, perhaps the fact that she hasn't read any of the books for book club is not the only reason why she is not attending? I think that, after this stunt, I would stop pushing this point.
You mean like what you said to me :)? Ha! I knew you didn't mean it like that, but I found it amusing to respond that way and I knew B would add to the levity. Seriously though, your description does not make me think work pal is a reader. So receiving a book is not a surprise, for someone who doesn't read.
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