I really hate being judgmental and I try to see things from a variety of perspectives. I try to see what the other person is thinking and I try to respect their opinion. But...I have a friend who has really pushed the boundaries of my ability to not judge. She told me a story a few weeks ago that made me evaluate my personal values and beliefs.
She told me that she had been dating a guy and after a few weeks discovered that he was a distant relative. Fourth cousins...I think. Their grandmothers are sisters. Then she told me that she just found out that he is married. The hard part of the conversation was that she was going to continue to see him.
See...it is hard to not immediately condemn her for her choices.
I listened to her story and I tried to clear my head of the preconceived notions that society has said is appropriate behavior. I think the idea of dating a fourth cousin was a bit weird but it didn't really bother me. I was able to move on but I was stopped by the idea of dating a married man. Some of our conversation revolved around the idea that if it wasn't her as the other women then it would be someone else. That is true but you still have to live with your actions. I personally don't think I would be able to live with myself if I decided to enter into a relationship with a married man.
But..what should I think about my friend? Should I judge her and not talk to her anymore? No...I wouldn't do that. But I did listen to her and tried to hear things from her perspective. She fully admitted that she knew it wasn't OK behavior but she was going to proceed. I thought about that statement and then I found a way to relate it to myself. I think there are a ton of things that I do that I know are not good for me (like eating bad food) that I continue to do. The big difference is that behavior doesn't effect anyone else. If I overeat every day I just get fatter. But if my friend dates a married man and the wife finds out then that hurts the guys wife.
That was my primary objection to seeing a married man. I don't want to do things that would purposefully hurt another person. That is what I told her but I also know I cannot control what another person does. The best part was that she felt comfortable having this conversation with me because she thought I was a non-judgmental person. She has loads of other friends that would immediately judge and condemn her for her actions. I really appreciate her confiding in me and creating a great thought provoking conversation.
November 21, 2011
November 11, 2011
Oops...
I was sitting at my desk yesterday and I kept hearing something beeping every thirty seconds or so. The constant beep...beep...beep began to drive me crazy. I just couldn't ignore the sound (What if it was a bomb or something) so I took a tour of the office to try to locate the source of the beeps. My first stop was the IT closet but it was silent. My second stop was the kitchen and the noise was loud and clear in my ears. Bingo! I found the right location. I stood very still in the middle of the room and I looked all around trying to discover the source of the beeps.
Immediately, my eyes locked onto the fire sensor on the wall. There was no indication that it was the cause of the beeping but I quickly became convinced that was the problem. I walked over to my bosses office to tell him of my discovery and I basically handed the problem over to him. He tried to call the building manager but there was no answer so he walked down to their office on the second floor to inform them of our problem.
I told my boss of the problem because he is persistent and I knew he would take action. And he did! He found the maintenance guy and walked with him back to our office. They stood in the kitchen and the maintenance guy walked over to our refrigerator and shut it. The beeping stopped.
Oops...apparently it takes 30 minutes, three people and the maintenance man to close the fridge in our office.
Immediately, my eyes locked onto the fire sensor on the wall. There was no indication that it was the cause of the beeping but I quickly became convinced that was the problem. I walked over to my bosses office to tell him of my discovery and I basically handed the problem over to him. He tried to call the building manager but there was no answer so he walked down to their office on the second floor to inform them of our problem.
I told my boss of the problem because he is persistent and I knew he would take action. And he did! He found the maintenance guy and walked with him back to our office. They stood in the kitchen and the maintenance guy walked over to our refrigerator and shut it. The beeping stopped.
Oops...apparently it takes 30 minutes, three people and the maintenance man to close the fridge in our office.
October 20, 2011
I HATE WORMS!
Seriously, I really really hate worms. When I was a child I had a reoccurring nightmare that worms were invading my body and I would wake up in terror thinking they were eating a hole in my leg or stomach. Plus, the evil little boys at the bus stop would throw them at me and freak me out.
So as an adult I act unreasonable when I encounter worms...specifically when they are where they don't belong. Last night I was walking through the living room and I saw Jadzia playing with something on the floor. When I looked a bit closer I discovered it was a LIVE and wiggling worm. I was on the phone with AL and in a panicked voice I yelled that I had to go and I hung up on her mid sentence. Then I went into the kitchen to hide. How was that horrible creature going to get out of my house without me having to deal with it?
I ran over to the roommates door and half whispered half yelled her name. But she didn't respond. So I ran back to the kitchen to text her to see if she wasn't awake.
Sigh...no response.
I then decided to call brother Lou to see if he could help.
No answer....
I called back....
No answer
and I called back...
still no answer
and I called back again and he finally answered in a sleepy voice
It was only 9:30...I didn't think it was to late to obnoxiously call over and over.
He was half asleep but he did listen to me freaking out over the worm that Jadzia was still playing with in the living room.
I think I went on and on for at lest five minutes until I took a breath and I gave him a chance to speak. He told me to get a napkin and to pick it up. Duh...I knew that was going to have to happen...or I was going to sleep in the kitchen....I considered it but after some "encouragement" I took a paper towel into the living room to get the slimy black worm.
Jadzia was picking it up with her mouth and dropping it back on the floor when I reentered the room. Unfortunately, this didn't kill the worm as half its body was still wiggling around. I know I gave her plenty of time to kill and eat her prey but she didn't comply. She just wanted to play with it.
Meanwhile Lou was trying to say encouraging things in my ear but I was unreasonable. I didn't want to hear it...I just wanted it to be gone. Finally, I bent over and tried to pick it up in the napkin but it was hard for me. And the third time was a charm. Once I picked it up I ran across the room, flung open the front door and threw it and the napkin outside. Then I forcible slammed the front door closed so it wouldn't come back in and get me.
Perhaps this is a good time to mention that the front door is right next to the roommates bedroom and she "was" sleeping.
Sigh...the crisis was over! I hope that it never happens again.
So as an adult I act unreasonable when I encounter worms...specifically when they are where they don't belong. Last night I was walking through the living room and I saw Jadzia playing with something on the floor. When I looked a bit closer I discovered it was a LIVE and wiggling worm. I was on the phone with AL and in a panicked voice I yelled that I had to go and I hung up on her mid sentence. Then I went into the kitchen to hide. How was that horrible creature going to get out of my house without me having to deal with it?
I ran over to the roommates door and half whispered half yelled her name. But she didn't respond. So I ran back to the kitchen to text her to see if she wasn't awake.
Sigh...no response.
I then decided to call brother Lou to see if he could help.
No answer....
I called back....
No answer
and I called back...
still no answer
and I called back again and he finally answered in a sleepy voice
It was only 9:30...I didn't think it was to late to obnoxiously call over and over.
He was half asleep but he did listen to me freaking out over the worm that Jadzia was still playing with in the living room.
I think I went on and on for at lest five minutes until I took a breath and I gave him a chance to speak. He told me to get a napkin and to pick it up. Duh...I knew that was going to have to happen...or I was going to sleep in the kitchen....I considered it but after some "encouragement" I took a paper towel into the living room to get the slimy black worm.
Jadzia was picking it up with her mouth and dropping it back on the floor when I reentered the room. Unfortunately, this didn't kill the worm as half its body was still wiggling around. I know I gave her plenty of time to kill and eat her prey but she didn't comply. She just wanted to play with it.
Meanwhile Lou was trying to say encouraging things in my ear but I was unreasonable. I didn't want to hear it...I just wanted it to be gone. Finally, I bent over and tried to pick it up in the napkin but it was hard for me. And the third time was a charm. Once I picked it up I ran across the room, flung open the front door and threw it and the napkin outside. Then I forcible slammed the front door closed so it wouldn't come back in and get me.
Perhaps this is a good time to mention that the front door is right next to the roommates bedroom and she "was" sleeping.
Sigh...the crisis was over! I hope that it never happens again.
October 6, 2011
September Update
A. I went on a terrific trip to NYC with my long time friend AL. It was a great trip and I got to see and do many new things.
1. On our first day we took a cab to Harlem to have lunch at a Soul Food restaurant. We gave the address to the cab driver and he had a general idea of our destination but he didn't know the exact location. So...he dropped us off at the entrance of Columbia University and said we should walk to our right. OK?? But, we did have a nice walk through campus and then through a little park before we found the restaurant. It was a good thing my GPS was able to give us directions otherwise we would have never found the restaurant.
2. We also walked through the infamous Hells Kitchen and AL had terrible dinner of fried octopus while I drank Sangria.
3. We visited Bloomindales and I gawked at the very expensive clothing. BTW...the plus size clothing section was awful.
4. The great plague started while I was on this trip. Ugg...the sickness slowly descended upon me over the four days I was there. The first major indication of being sick was that I was never hungry. AL would go into a bakery and I would wave my hand and say I didn't want a cupcake or Cookie. SERIOUSLY....when do I ever turn down a sweet? A few months ago I would have said NEVER but now I say only when I get the great plague.
5. The best part of the trip was the musicals. Basically, seeing multiple shows was our main objective in NYC. We planned them all in advance and purchased them online. Neither of us was interested in waiting in Times Square to get the cheap half price tickets as we both do better with a specific plan. I made a list of my favorite to least favorite shows...but honestly the were all great.
A. Memphis
B. Billy Elliot
C. How to Succeed in Business without Really Trying
D. Catch Me if You Can
E. Phantom of the Opera
B. I caught the plague while I was in NYC. Sigh...basically I was really sick. I cannot recall ever being so sick for such a long period of time. I was seriously sick for a week, moderately sick for the next week and and mildly sick for two more weeks. However, I don't really think I am fully recovered yet and the sickness started over the Labor Day holiday. When DM picked me up at the airport she was hesitant to let me in her car because I looked so awful. She told me that she sprayed the entire car down with Lysol as soon as she got home. In week three of the plague I was in a meeting at work with three of our executives and I had to excuse myself twice because I began to cough so hard it sounded and felt like my lungs were trying to exit my body via my mouth. Not cool. After the second time I didn't even try to go back to the meeting.
C. I learned that Unicorns suck.
D. Biking season is slowly winding down with darkness coming earlier and earlier each day. The BGI weekly rides have ended and we had a great group dinner to celebrate. About 12 people showed up for the dinner and it made me so happy to look around the table and realize how many new friends I made over the summer. Not just acquaintances but new friendships that have grown beyond biking. It was a good summer.
E. I did some cool events in September. I visited the Propylaeum and painted a picture with a good friend. I went on a chilly but fun bike ride in Carmel. I helped my brother move. BTW...two story homes suck! I attended my first baby shower in at least five years. I made a new tradition of biking and eating dinner with friends every Wednesday night. We often stay out to late talking and drinking beer. Good times. Also, I got another root canal.
F. It is now October my favorite and least favorite month of the year.
G. I am going to Europe over Christmas. Woo Hoo!!!! AL and I just made our lodging reservations for Dusseldorf and Paris.
August 24, 2011
Coke Zero...Diet Coke...Cherry Zero
I miss you and I think about you all the time. I sit at work with my head on my hand dreaming of your fizzy wonderful taste.
Seriously, this is what I do. I think about it all the time. I gave up pop about three weeks ago and I would have thought that the cravings would have been gone by now. Not so. How could the addiction be so strong. I haven't caved but this is one of the hardest things in my life right now. I wish the thoughts would go away.
Jeez...if this is how I feel about pop I cannot imagine kicking cocaine. I am glad I never started that bad habit.
Seriously, this is what I do. I think about it all the time. I gave up pop about three weeks ago and I would have thought that the cravings would have been gone by now. Not so. How could the addiction be so strong. I haven't caved but this is one of the hardest things in my life right now. I wish the thoughts would go away.
Jeez...if this is how I feel about pop I cannot imagine kicking cocaine. I am glad I never started that bad habit.
August 16, 2011
How do you decide if someone you know is prejudiced?
Something happened to me last week that made me really uncomfortable. I went to lunch with three ladies to a great Soul Food Restaurant called Kountry Kitchen. The food was delicious but it was located in a predominantly black neighborhood. When my friend suggested the restaurant and told me the location I didn't think twice about it as I was only dreaming of the yummy comfort food I was going to eat. Plus, I ride my bike through that area often in the summer and I have never had any problems.
I drove us to the restaurant and as we got closer one of my companions began to make racist comments about the area. I looked at her in the mirror and asked her if she thought just because someone was black they were they going to accost her on the street. She didn't reply to my question. The uncomfortable comments continued through lunch and on the way back to work.
As the time progressed I began to get more and more upset. After I got back to work I began to think about the last hour and I got more and more mad about her ignorance. I didn't like her behavior or what she said but I didn't know how to handle it at the time. How should I have reacted to her?
Then...another thing happened today. We had lunch together again and she began to tell me a story about her daughter going to a new school in Lawrence. She was worried about the daughter and how she would react to a more racially diverse school. I looked at her and said that children often react to these situations in the way they are taught at home. She went on to say her hometown was almost 100% white and she was worried that her daughter would say something inappropriate because she is a bit mouthy.. I point blank asked her if she was racist and she said no. But... these conversations led me to believe that she is.
I wish I was better at confrontational conversations. I wish I was more articulate in telling her my beliefs that I am not racist and I don't like to be around people who are. What is the best way to handle these kinds of conversations?
I drove us to the restaurant and as we got closer one of my companions began to make racist comments about the area. I looked at her in the mirror and asked her if she thought just because someone was black they were they going to accost her on the street. She didn't reply to my question. The uncomfortable comments continued through lunch and on the way back to work.
As the time progressed I began to get more and more upset. After I got back to work I began to think about the last hour and I got more and more mad about her ignorance. I didn't like her behavior or what she said but I didn't know how to handle it at the time. How should I have reacted to her?
Then...another thing happened today. We had lunch together again and she began to tell me a story about her daughter going to a new school in Lawrence. She was worried about the daughter and how she would react to a more racially diverse school. I looked at her and said that children often react to these situations in the way they are taught at home. She went on to say her hometown was almost 100% white and she was worried that her daughter would say something inappropriate because she is a bit mouthy.. I point blank asked her if she was racist and she said no. But... these conversations led me to believe that she is.
I wish I was better at confrontational conversations. I wish I was more articulate in telling her my beliefs that I am not racist and I don't like to be around people who are. What is the best way to handle these kinds of conversations?
August 8, 2011
Small Steps
I am an emotional eater. Sigh. That is the cold hard truth of things. For the last few months I have been very upset by something in my life and per my usual MO I have been eating out of control. I NEED for this terrible pattern to stop. Therefore, I have decided to implement a series of small steps that will enable me to get my eating back on track.
The first small step started last Monday. I decided to quit drinking pop. It was tough but I knew it was a good decision. I decided to start with pop because I knew I was very addicted to it. Um...Diet Cherry Zero ruled my life. I always wanted it in the mornings and at lunch and and in the evenings. I was drinking it all the time. Then....they opened a McDonald's by my house and I started to stop every morning for a 32 oz Diet Coke (OK...I also got a breakfast sandwich). This went on for a few weeks and I knew in the middle of was creating a very bad habit.
So the pop stopped first and I was successful. I have gone an entire week without drinking a carbonated beverage. Woo Hoo!!! It feels good to have control of that little aspect of my life. But, I am not sure where I what to draw the beverage line. Is the purpose of zero diet pop to eliminate Aspartame from my diet? Can I still drink Crystal light? I have been drinking it but I do sort of consider it on the same level as pop. It adds unnecessary chemicals to my body. Is it better to drink something with regular sugar and add the calories or should I just strictly drink iced tea, milk and water? I haven't decided yet but I am in my "thinking" mode.
Today is the beginning of week two and I decided this weeks small step would be for me to bring my lunch 4 days this week. Ugg...this is so hard because it really cuts into my socialization at work. I love hanging out with my co-workers during lunch. We enjoy talking and catching up. I have tried to convince a few friends to bring their lunches but I am not sure it will really work. I know the first time I am asked out when I have my packed lunch is going to be very hard for me. I know I will want to go out with them but I will have to say NO. I have considered the idea of taking my lunch with me when they go out and it could work at some locations but not others. Subway and Starbucks are easy because they have outside seating but a regular restaurant might not like that to much.
Now is the time for me to plan in advance. I am not sure what direction I want to head for next weeks small step but these are some things I am considering.
1. Eating dinner out only 3 nights per week
2. Tracking my food (Ugg...I really hate hate hate this idea)
3. Limiting desserts
4. Eating a fruit or vegetable with every meal
5. Eliminating fried foods
6. Ok...I am out of ideas...
Do any of my loyal;) readers have any ideas for me? Any helpful hints? I know I am not usually successful when I am tracking my food because I become obsessed with the food. I am trying to make small changes that will help me in my long term weight loss goals. I don't want to implement anything that isn't sustainable in the long term. I know overall healthier eating is going to be my long term solution but I just need to get there.
The first small step started last Monday. I decided to quit drinking pop. It was tough but I knew it was a good decision. I decided to start with pop because I knew I was very addicted to it. Um...Diet Cherry Zero ruled my life. I always wanted it in the mornings and at lunch and and in the evenings. I was drinking it all the time. Then....they opened a McDonald's by my house and I started to stop every morning for a 32 oz Diet Coke (OK...I also got a breakfast sandwich). This went on for a few weeks and I knew in the middle of was creating a very bad habit.
So the pop stopped first and I was successful. I have gone an entire week without drinking a carbonated beverage. Woo Hoo!!! It feels good to have control of that little aspect of my life. But, I am not sure where I what to draw the beverage line. Is the purpose of zero diet pop to eliminate Aspartame from my diet? Can I still drink Crystal light? I have been drinking it but I do sort of consider it on the same level as pop. It adds unnecessary chemicals to my body. Is it better to drink something with regular sugar and add the calories or should I just strictly drink iced tea, milk and water? I haven't decided yet but I am in my "thinking" mode.
Today is the beginning of week two and I decided this weeks small step would be for me to bring my lunch 4 days this week. Ugg...this is so hard because it really cuts into my socialization at work. I love hanging out with my co-workers during lunch. We enjoy talking and catching up. I have tried to convince a few friends to bring their lunches but I am not sure it will really work. I know the first time I am asked out when I have my packed lunch is going to be very hard for me. I know I will want to go out with them but I will have to say NO. I have considered the idea of taking my lunch with me when they go out and it could work at some locations but not others. Subway and Starbucks are easy because they have outside seating but a regular restaurant might not like that to much.
Now is the time for me to plan in advance. I am not sure what direction I want to head for next weeks small step but these are some things I am considering.
1. Eating dinner out only 3 nights per week
2. Tracking my food (Ugg...I really hate hate hate this idea)
3. Limiting desserts
4. Eating a fruit or vegetable with every meal
5. Eliminating fried foods
6. Ok...I am out of ideas...
Do any of my loyal;) readers have any ideas for me? Any helpful hints? I know I am not usually successful when I am tracking my food because I become obsessed with the food. I am trying to make small changes that will help me in my long term weight loss goals. I don't want to implement anything that isn't sustainable in the long term. I know overall healthier eating is going to be my long term solution but I just need to get there.
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