No, not me...Silly. I was thinking about my mom. Ok...I think that my brother Lou is probably not going to like this post....so stop reading it!
Let me start at the beginning. Last week I was listening to the new Eminem album Relapse (BTW...I love it), specifically the song "My Mom". Part of the chorus is "My mom loved Valium and lots of drugs" and it made me think of my mom in a different light. I began to think that she may have been a drug addict. I don't mean this in the way that she smoked crack and pot all of the time. She was more interested in the legal prescription version. Just like Eminem's mom she loved her Valium and she referred to this as her nerve pill. Ok...I don't actually know if it was Valium that she took, but it was that type of pill.
I have so many memories of hearing her say, "I need my nerve pill" in reference to any type of upsetting situation. Most of the time this revolved around dealing with us children, I probably (probably is a mild word) wasn't the easiest child. I am fairly sure I had an enormous amount of attitude and typical junior high girl behavior. This occurred as far back as I remember.
Secondary to the nerve pill she took lithium and this completely zoned her out. Lithium is used for Bipolar Disorder and it is supposed to level your moods. It just made her a zombie without any readable feelings. I remember so many holidays were she wasn't at all engaged with people because she took a combination of these pills so she could distance herself from people. It is interesting to me that I could be so different from her in this respect. I love being around people and it energizes me to spend most of my free time around my friends. I think that she liked being around her friends but she just couldn't deal with being around the family. Ok...maybe we are the same as my family often stresses me out.
It is interesting to me that I have never thought about this before. I was always aware of her problems and my friend AL was always impressed with my ability to accept my flawed parent as an adult. I guess she meant that I was able to recognize the faults and I had learned to deal with them. I don't have any proof, but as an adult I always guessed that she didn't take the medication as prescribed.
In addition to manic depression she was also an alcoholic and loved the cigarettes. To this day I still cannot understand how I managed to become an adult without any of these problems. However, I am addicted to the food, but I would take that addiction over the others. How did I stop the cycle? What about me was different? I haven't figured out how to answer these questions but I am grateful that I am different and I am working on my addiction.
4 comments:
I think you're awesome :-)
I have major respect for those who were able to deal with such parental issues and still turn out well. There are many people who will whine and use their parents as an excuse for not succeeding. Clearly, you did not let that hinder you in your quest for success as an adult. Plus, you still have some of that "enormous amount of attitude", which probably helped as well.
Realizing that one parent (or both) had addictions when you were growing up can be quite a revelation as an adult. Being fortunate enough to escape those addictions yourself is something that is hard to put into words; I think you've done well to describe it.
If you have been able to create a life that you can enjoy, that's something to be proud off. A lot of people from that environment never make it that far.
Thanks for the accolades!
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