Kindle Rant

It seriously doesn't work anymore! Bastards! I am typing away in anger over the conversation I just had with the Amazon Kindle support team.

Me: My Kindle is not working properly. I have plugged it in and I have reset it but the screen will not work.

Kindle Customer Support: Did you reset if for 20 seconds?

Me: No...but I will try that.

30 seconds later...just to be through...

Me: It appears to boot up but nothing will appear on the screen except for random lines.

Kindle Customer Support: I am sorry but there is nothing else that I can do. It also appears that you are outside of your one year warranty period. What I can offer you is a refurbished Kindle for $99 or you can purchase the newest model on our website ($259).

Me: Seriously....What are my options for repair?

Kindle Customer Support: There are none. We don't repair the Kindle.

Me: Seriously???

Me: Thanks...but I will need to think about this.

End Call!

Bastards!

They cannot repair my 2 year old Kindle and I have to purchase a new or refurbished machine. I paid $399 for this toy and I no longer have access to the books that I have purchased without purchasing a new machine. Hello...I was in the middle of reading a book.

I realize that I purchased a first generation model of a brand new product but still...for $399 I should get better options. Ugg....I just don't know what I want to do. Up until this phone call Amazon was my favorite retailer...they have just been knocked down a few pegs.

Ruination of Candace as You Know Her

I was having a perfectly normal day. I met GH to see a fantastic play at the IRT. I enjoyed my time spent out and I was looking forward to doing some work on my laptop when I arrived home. I got home at 10:20 and after a few chores were done I settled down on my bed with my laptop for some Internet trolling.

All of a sudden the TV magically turned itself on to the Colts game. I am not sure how this happened or why. But, it was in time for me to see the game winning touchdown (should that be capitalized?) My hands were clapping and I was yelling accolades at the TV. I looked around in horror to make sure no one was there to witness to my uncharacteristic behavior. Embarrassment averted...Sparks promised to never tell and Joanne was still at work.

I tried to ignore the TV and read Z's and Ems current blog entries, but I kept looking up to see the action on the screen. Wow...there was an interception and the win was clinched! More yelling and clapping. How the F did this happen to me. I have always hated sports! I avoid them at every turn. My ears close when people speak about it and I respond with my non-listening noise.

I blame Z and Ems for this strange behavior. Ems had recently made it her mission to try and convert me. A couple of months ago she invited me to the Ale for an afternoon of good food and a thousand TV screens directed at different games. Due to my short attention span, I had a very difficult time paying attention in that environment and focusing on a game. Since then I have been bombarded with sports talk and comments on facebook.

Let me tell you that this indoctrination has gone quicker than expected. Lou has been trying to make me appreciate car performance for the last 25 years and he has finally been able to have semi-intelligent conversations regarding this topic. I even commented to him of the tight handling and quick response of his BMW when I drove it last week.

So expect me to deny any football appreciation in the future but know that I am secretly watching it at home on cold Sunday afternoons. Shhhh...Please keep quite about this as it is a secret!

****Beware...if I suddenly get a dog you will know I have been replaced by an alien or android.

Sparks is a Super Cat

Sparks astounded me with his superior behavior this week. I got home from the gym late on Tuesday night and then I took a phone call for an hour. At 9:20 I was happy to finally have time to make my dinner. I prepared some bacon and I was going to eat a BLT sandwich. When the bacon was ready, I removed it from the oven and I sliced up the tomatoes. I began to assemble my sandwich with the mayo and then bacon. Then I got another phone call. I thought it would be reasonable short, so I left the sandwich sitting out partially assembled on the counter. I went to my bedroom and shut the door while I was talking, and I accidentally locked Sparks out.

I emerged from my room 1.5 hours later happily surprised to find my partially assembled sandwich still intact on the counter. Sparks never touched it. I was astounded as poor departed Mickey would have been all over that sandwich. He would have only left me crumbs and his vomit from overeating.

Thanks to Lou for teaching Sparks some manners before I adopted him.

#1 Cat – Where are You?

Mickey is gone! Where could he be. He was at home when I left for work on Thursday morning, but he was not in the house when I arrived home Thursday night. There are only a few options that can explain his disappearance:

1. He is still in the house somewhere (Very Unlikely)
2. He got out when I left for work (a possibility…but improbable)
3. He got out when Joanne came home from work (very probable)
4. He hopped over to one of the other infinite parallel universes (probably not)
5. Aliens captured him and are using him to repopulate cats on a far away world (ding…ding)

All kidding aside…I miss Mickey. I miss him sleeping under the covers. I miss him patting my cheek with his paw to get me to move. I miss him sitting on my chest at the end of a long day. I miss carrying him around the house like he is the King. I miss him spilling my drinks. I miss him greeting me when I come home. I miss his mischievous. I miss his cursing.

I have enjoyed his company for 16 great years. He has been with me through many important aspects of my life. I stole him when from a friend when I was 20 years old and as soon as I saw him, I loved him. I have never felt that affinity toward any other animal. I have loved other cats, but it has never been the same.

He has been gone since last Thursday and I just don’t believe that he will come home. I think if he has been outside for this long he would have frozen to death. I just don’t have any more hope left in me. Joanne has hope…I don’t. As a eulogy, I thought I would take this opportunity to share some of my favorite Mickey stories with you.

Acquisition

I acquired Mickey in the fall of 1993. I was friends with this girl and it was her cat. I would hang out at her place on the nights that I didn’t work and he would always sit on my thigh and purr. He was such a tiny and cute little thing. Sometime that fall, my friends husband kicked her out for being a whore (I am not exaggerating) and I let her come and stay with me. She was untrustworthy so I had to kick her out about a month later. I placed all of her things outside my apartment door except for her Cats. She had brought four of them with her and I kept all of them. I eventually gave all of them, except for Mickey, to a friend to live outside on her farm. From then on Mickey was my cat and she never asked for him back.

Rabbits

A good portion of Mickey’s life he was an indoor and outdoor cat and on occasion he would bring me his kills. One day when I came home I found three little baby rabbits on the front porch. My heart was broken as they were still wiggling around and not quite dead. You could see the teeth marks Mickey left in them. I understand that Cats are prey animals but the little bunnies were so cute. I was unwilling to finish killing the bunnies myself, so I decided to call the Humane Society and get their advise. I still cannot believe what they told me to do…it is astounding. They said that I should put them behind the tire of my car and run them over. Really! Their second idea was to drown them in a bucket of water. There was ZERO chance that I would be willing to do either of those things so I enlisted some help from my neighbor. She scooped them up in some cardboard and placed them in the yard behind our shed. They disappeared by the time I was awake that afternoon. I am fairly sure some other animal ate them, but at least I didn’t have to do the killing. Such is the circle of life!

Ear

You may have noticed that one of Mickey’s ears had a bit of character to it. It was bent and folded over. Unfortunately, this problem was caused by me. I had noticed that Mickey had black stuff in his ears for a long time, but I just thought it was dirt. I really didn’t know much about pet ownership when I first got him so I was unaware of common cat ailments. About a year after I stole Mickey, I took him to the vet to get neutered and de-clawed. When he came back from the Vet his ear was disfigured. The Vet told me that he had to fold his ear due to the large infection in the top portion that was caused by Ear Mites. Ear What? I had never heard of Ear Mites before that day.

9 Lives

When I lived in Port Clinton, OH I worked the night shift and Mickey would commonly stay outside while I was at work. When I would arrive at home in the morning he would be waiting for me on the front porch and he would come in and sleep with me during the day. One day I came home and he was not in his usual place. I looked all over for him and I called his name. I finally heard a faint Meow but I couldn’t tell the location. At first I thought he was trapped underneath the trailer and I began to remove parts of the skirting. That didn’t work out so I kept my ears wide open and I tried to follow his pitiful Meow’s. Meow…Meow…Meow… I walked around to the other side of the common building next to our trailer and I found him locked in an animal cage. I was extremely distraught at finding him there. I quickly disengaged the lock and ran away with him. I knew that if I hadn’t just found him I would never have seen him again.

Window Diving

When I lived in Toledo I had an apartment on the second floor of the building. I would often leave my living room window open and after occupying the apartment for a year, I think Mickey managed to push the screen out. I came home from work one day to find him hiding under a car. He had jumped from the second floor to the ground. He was fine but I was still worried. The maintenance man was fairly lazy and I had to wait about a month to get him to replace the window screen. In that time Mickey managed to jump out that window a couple more times. Can you imagine jumping out a window from the second floor for fun? One time I came home and my weird Goth neighbors had captured him and had him in their bathroom.

Running Out

When I lived in Toledo he would often run out my apartment door as I was walking in. I would have to chase him throughout the enclosed building to get him home. One time in the middle of the winter he ran out and went to the bottom floor where he promptly ran into a strangers apartment. I was so embarrassed and I asked the guy if I go and find him. I was wearing a long dress and snow boots and they were dirty as we had some snow on the ground. This guys apartment was immaculate and I was so embarrassed walking around in my snow boots. Mickey ran into the guys bedroom and his under his bed. I had to crawl on the floor and get under the bed to get him out. It was a very interesting event.

I guess I could go on and on with Mickey stories but I will stop. If you have any good Mickey memories please post them in the comments.

I Love and Miss you Mickey, I wish you would come home!

The Biggest Loser

I have some exciting news. Ya I do! I just finished preparing my application to become the next contestant on The Biggest Loser. All that is left is to mail it out on Wednesday. Thanks to Ems who put this idea into my head. We were talking about this a couple of months ago and I guess it has stuck in my brain since then.

I became more serous about this idea about a month ago. I did some research and I found out the necessary items that I needed to apply. They include a 9 page application, photos of myself and a 10 minute video. That didn't seem so bad but I didn't have a video camera and I wasn't sure how I was going to accomplish that part of the task. About three and a half weeks ago I sent a text to Lou asking if he he had one. He responded that Traci had one. I then asked if I could borrow it. There was no response to this text so I let it go for about a week and a half.

The idea came back into my head and I sent a second requested to Lou to borrow the video camera. Upon further discussion with him, I discovered that this was an old school (not digital) video recorder. I knew that wasn't what I was in the market for. I finally caught Lou live, and on the phone about this topic and he suggested that I use my camera on the video setting. He is a Genius. Why didn't I think of that. I then told him I wanted to make a video of myself but I didn't want anyone to be there to film me. He thought for a minute and he said that he had a tripod and I could mount my camera. Viola! What a great and wonderful idea.

We spoke for a few more minutes when he finally asked me why I needed a video camera. He joked that I was going to make an "adult" movie of myself. GROSS!!!! I cannot imagine that I would ever want to take a staring role in an adult movie. Anyway, I finally explained to him my idea about The Biggest Loser. I was pretty impressed that we had so many texts, emails and phone conversations about this topic without him asking me why. If someone had asked to borrow my video camera, that would be my first question. I felt like our conversation implied secrecy but apparently he didn't come away with that feeling and he blabbed it to his family. I think I will be more direct the next time that I require secrecy.

I knew my biggest obstacle to this project was going to be the video. I knew once that was completed everything else would fall easily into line. Sunday night was the perfect time. Joanne was away from home for three days and I had complete freedom to create a movie in my living room. About an hour after she left I created my movie studio. I set up the tripod in front of the red love seat. I took a couple test shots and I decided that I needed more light. So I dragged two lamps into the living and I leaned them against the table to point the light toward my face.

I then got dressed into one of my work outfits, the grey agile sweater and black pants. I also decided I needed some make-up to make my face and eyes pop. I went into the bathroom and started applying the eye make-up. Then Wham....I got a gob of eyeliner stuck in my eye and I couldn't get it out. When I recovered from that debacle I had smeared all of the make-up on my right eye. I did some damage repair but it never looked as good as it should have.

My hair was ready, my face was ready and my clothes were ready. Now I needed to make my mind ready. I had been thinking about what I would say on the video since I decided to do it, but I never wrote out a script. I felt that if I had written out a script, I would sound forced and unnatural. I knew the topics I wanted to cover and I just made up my mind to do it. I walked out into the living room, started the recording mode and began to speak.

I appeared to be extremely nervous for the first two minutes but I think I warmed up and became more comfortable. I felt that I spoke from my heart and I was clear and concise. But...do I really make so many facial expressions. Seriously! When I watched the video my face was so expressive. I moved my eyes around allot and I would stare off into the sky as I was thinking and gathering my thoughts. OMG...it was so embarrassing to watch my video. BTW...IT WILL NOT BE POSTED ANYWHERE ONLINE! I have reached my threshold of sharing ;)

The video was done. I watched it a couple of times and I was satisfied with the results. It wasn't perfect but I felt that it conveyed me and hopefully it will make them like me. The funny thing is after watching the video the overwhelming impression of me is that I am sweet. How odd...I don't usually consider myself sweet. But that is how it turned out. I ended the video with a famous line from Grey's Anatomy. Bonus points to the person who can figure out what line I used.

So it was done. The application was fairly straightforward and easy. The nine pages are complete and everything is in the envelope ready to be mailed tomorrow.

WoW! I am still a little shocked that I actually followed through and finished the application.

Think good thoughts for me!

PS...I promised Ems that if I did get on the show I wouldn't Cry! I will try really hard to fulfill that vow.

Irresponsibility

Usually, I am a responsible girl. If you ask me to bring something, I always remember it. If you ask me to meet you somewhere, I am usually on time and at the right spot. If you ask me to pick you up at the airport I am always there on time. That is not the case today. Some form of haze enveloped me, and I was WAAAYYY late for Lou's airport pick-up today.


We spoke on the phone this morning to confirm the pick-up time. He told me that his plane was to arrive at 2:45pm. I told him I would plan to arrive at 3:00 to give him time to get his luggage and two girls outside. After the phone call I wandered back into my room to watch TV and then a movie (Funny People...way too depressing). As I was watching the movie I tried to do the time math in my head. I need 45 minuets to drive to the airport...so I need to leave my house by 2:15. I need 45 minutes to shower and dress, so I needed to start at 1:30. I had the time line down.

I got in the shower sort-of on time...around 1:40 but I knew I could make up the 10 minutes. When I was done in the shower, I unpaused the movie and continued my dressing routine. The next instance I was aware of the time it was 2:15 and I was sitting on the couch half dressed relaxing. Somehow the time didn't stress me out and I had completely forgotten the aforementioned timeline. I didn't move until the movie ended at 2:30. I only got up then to get my book because I thought I had plenty of time. I sat and read until 2:40 when I thought I should probably finish getting dressed and get ready to leave.

I donned my shirt and shoes, and then decided to sync my IPOD because I wanted to listen to the new Bob Marley album I downloaded today. When that was done so I headed outside to the car and and to get the mail. Wow...Joanne got the package she was expecting from Amazon...so I decided to text her and let her know it was on the kitchen table. I was finally sitting in the car at 2:46 when I get a text from Lou that said, "We just landed".

Fuck! I finally dropped out of my time haze. I could not believe that he just landed and I was still sitting at my house 45 minutes away. Of course, I needed to spend another minute in my driveway to set up the IPOD and I then raced off to the airport. As I was speeding I tried to think of some good lies about being late. There was the idea of Bad Traffic or Mickey running out of the house and I needed to catch him.

I still didn't have a good story planned when my phone began to ring at 3:05. I was lucky as it was only Sarah, and it was easy to blow her off and tell her I was still driving. There was no need for her to know that I was still near Castleton when I told her I would be there in about 15 minutes. I knew that was a stretch but it bought me some time. The second time my phone rang at 3:20 I wasn't so lucky. It was Lou and I could no longer avoid the situation.

I told him I was still driving but that wasn't a good enough answer. I then had tell him that I was near downtown. Ok...I wasn't exactly downtown yet...but I could see it from my position on I70. I decided to tell him the truth and fess up. I explained about my time haze and after his initial anger he began to laugh with me or...at me.

I finally arrived at the airport at 3:35. A full 35 minutes late. I am glad that they handled it so well. I know if it was reversed I would have been angry for a longer period of time. I also need to build good will as I require transportation to the airport several times each year.

I am VERY Sorry Lou! Please accept my apology. I promise the next time I will really try to be on time;)

Job Interview Screw-Ups

I had a conversation today with some friends that reminded me of some job interview screw-ups from my past. Looking back I cannot believe that I really said some of these things. Keep in mind that this is really the truth and not fiction.

A Very long time ago I had a interview while I lived in Toledo. This was at the time of my life where I was trying to transition from working in hotels to having a day job somehow related to accounting. Also, this was the first "professional" type position that I had ever interviewed for.

I was interviewing for one of many open accounting positions at this company and I was extremely nervous. They asked me which of two types of jobs that I would prefer. I refused to give them an answer. I just kept saying that I would be happy doing either job. I was so anxious to get a job I was willing to do anything. Looking back I realize that giving them an answer would have been much better.

Next, they asked me to give them three adjectives to describe myself. At that moment I didn't know what an adjective was. Seriously! I couldn't think of anything. I sat there in the quite for about two minutes trying to think of some words. I don't remember what I said, but the whole situation was awkward. I believe I came up with two answers but I couldn't think of a third.

Unfortunately, for me this wasn't the worst thing that happened during the interview. A bit later they asked me a very STUPID question and I gave an equally stupid answer.

Q: If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?

Silence for thirty seconds while I thought of an answer....

A: I would choose a cat. (I immediately thought of this answer because I love little Mickey) I would want to be a cat so I could be lazy and lay around all day.

I SERIOUSLY SAID THAT! Can you imagine your horror as an interviewer and a candidate says something so very ignorant. There was no way to recover from that. I am pretty sure I wasn't going to get the job anyway but that really sealed the deal. The thing is I wasn't lazy and I didn't want to lay around. I just couldn't think of anything better to say. There are tons of positive qualities attributed to cats and I didn't say a single one.


The next story occurred when I lived in Indianapolis. I had a second interview for an accounting position in a hotel chain. They decided to take me to lunch with the department to see if I would be a good personality fit. Things were going well until someone asked me about the weather. I responded that it was a bit "Nipply" outside. I meant to say nippy but it came out wrong.

I sat at the table mortified that I had just said something so inappropriate. I ignored that had occurred and continued on with the conversation. If it had happened now I would have made a joke out of it and laughed it off. I didn't get this job either.

I am sure there are more as I was a professional interviewer the first several years that I lived in Indianapolis but I cannot remember them now. Do you have any fun interview stories? I would love to hear them.

Little Bastard or LB for Short

The cat formally known as Mickey has a new name, Little Bastard. I think that it perfectly describes him as he was on a very annoying rampage yesterday.

I went to the grocery store yesterday afternoon and I purchased two packages of cat treats. When I got home I left some of the nonperishable items on the kitchen table and it included both packages of cat treats. I then went to my bedroom to enjoy some ice cream and TV time. I found it odd that the LB was not trying to sneak bites from me while I was eating, but I was happy to be eating my snack in peace.

About an hour later I wandered into the living room to see the package of treats on the floor and some wild animal (Mickey) had tore out the middle of the package and was gorging himself on the food. I promptly took it away and chastised the LB. He gave me a shrug and went about his business.

Later that evening Joanne asked me if I had been in the utility room lately. I replied No and she said perhaps I should go and investigate. The LB had vomited up all of the treats he gorged on. It was disgusting. I cannot imagine how he crammed so much stuff into his stomach since he is so little. I gave a giant sigh and went outside to spray off the rug. When I came back inside I gave him a dirty look and he promptly returned the look and then knocked over my water bottle that I left on the kitchen table. I am certain that he did it on purpose.

I was telling AL this story while we were on the phone last night and she asked me how Joanne deals with his antics. I told her Mickey didn't bother Joanne. Joanne then replied that they have an "understanding". Apparently, he has very bad manners for me and acts perfectly normal around Joanne. I just hope that Mickey isn't trying to teach all of his bad habits to Sparks. I can only tolerate one bad cat at a time.

PS...I sat down and explained to LB that is name is now officially changed. He responded by not speaking to me for the entire evening and he found himself a nice little spot above the refrigerator to have his evening nap. At least he is not trying to knock over my water;)

An Evening of Children

I invited Sarah and Paige (my nieces) over to my house for a sleepover on Saturday night. They are 9 and 6 respectively. I made these plans a couple of weeks ago because I haven't been spending very much time with them in the last few months, and I thought it would be nice to reconnect. It is often interesting to me the wisdom that comes from the children. Here are a few funny things that occurred during their visit.

Late Afternoon:

I picked the girls up at 4:30 and I was very fatigued from my 20 mile bike ride. I explained this to them and said I needed to have some rest time when we got to my house. I sat on my bed and turned on the latest episode of Project Runway. The children were surprisingly entertained by this show. They stayed fairly quiet and let me doze for that hour. I was very appreciative that they were so easily entertained.


Dinner:

I was going to make the girls some homemade chicken fingers with shake n bake for dinner but I was pretty fatigued. They just kept asking for a grilled cheese so I gave in out of convenience. I made them grilled cheese, canned soup and some gummy bears and they were ecstatic. It is so easy to please children. They were so happy to help stir the soup and set the table. They just enjoyed Aunt Candy's undivided attention.



When we sat down to dinner Paige asked me if we were going to pray. I said no. She then proceeded to bow her head and have a silent prayer. Seriously..she is only six. I was cracking up. We then had the following conversation:



Paige: Do you ever pray?

Aunt Candy: No

Paige: Not even when you were a kid?

Aunt Candy: I guess I did but not anymore.

Paige: Are you going to hell?

Aunt Candy: No...I don't believe in Hell.

Paige: What about Heaven?

Aunt Candy: I don't believe in Heaven either.

Paige: I guess you will just be in the ground with the worms crawling in and out of you.

Aunt Candy: You you are correct. The worms will get me.

After this conversation Paige got out of her chair and walked up behind me. She removed my hair band, gave me and once over and pronounced that I was Beautiful with my hair down. How can she already be so charming as six. Seriously, where does she get this from. I asked her for the band back and she didn't want to give it back. She looked at me, cocked her head and said I was much prettier with my hair down. Charming...Charming...Charming.

Early Evening:

The children brought over a DVD game called Disney's Scene It. It is a trivia game related to Disney movies. We enjoyed playing this for about an hour. Of course, the little tykes kicked my ass. They are much more versed in all things Disney than I. The end result was it was a very nice hour spent together.

Evening:

After our game I promised the children that I would make them fruit smoothies. This is a treat that they only get at Aunt Candy's house and they love it. They act as if it is the best thing they have ever eaten. I prepared it with frozen berries, two fresh bananas and milk. It was a delightful evening snack. We drank our faux milkshakes while we watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It was a very good evening.

I am so glad that I invited them over and I would like to be more diligent about doing this in the future. I will have to plan another weekend sleepover in December.

Channelling Spock

I will be using today's blog as cheap therapy. Thanks to Ems who planted the idea of the blog being therapy. Ok...here I go. I have been struggling the last three weeks with being happy about the state of my life. It took me a while to figure out why I was upset, and to set my head right, but it finally happened yesterday.

Lets start with the first problem. I like to suppress my emotions just like Spock. It is much easier for me to suppress them than it is for me to feel them and then react to them. It has become easy for me to suppress them after a lifetime learning how to do it. I usually do this with food. That is how I have come to be so overweight. This past weekend I used a different drug, alcohol. This didn't work out so well for me. After a horribly mortifying night I woke up on Saturday with a terrible hangover and a even larger amount of regret over my actions.

While I was recovering from the overindulgence in alcohol, I had two days to ponder my life and try to figure out why I was so unhappy (yes...it really took two days to recover). It became unavoidable to suppress my emotions over those two days and they came bubbling over. During that time I became a Zombie. It was almost as if my brain short circuited. I remember being at book club on Sunday morning and separating myself from the group. My eyes were glazed over and I was totally disengaged from my surroundings. It was very reminiscent of how my mother behave most of my life. I don't think she had much success dealing with her emotions either. It really bothers me to have to relate to her because she was so damaged.

My friend told me tonight that she has thought the reason that I keep myself so busy with activities is so I don't have to feel my emotions. She has a valid point.

This is the list of things in my life that I am currently dissatisfied with :

My job
My lack of love life
My finances
My relationship with family members
My body
My face
My job
My poor communication skills
My inability to diet successfully
My inability to be perfect
and being a quitter

I realize it is quite a long laundry list from a person who is normally confident and outwardly happy. Or at least I like to think that I am. I have had several of these dissatisfaction's for a long time and I have not been able to overcome them. However, I think I have become overwhelmed with too many of them lately.

The Diet
I had an epiphany about this over the weekend. I was watching The Biggest Loser and the blond contestant was having a fight with Jillian. Jillian was trying to get her to continue working out and she wouldn't and she wanted to quit for the day. Jillian pointed out to her that she is living her life in a bad cycle of failing and being fat, because that is how she has lived her entire life and she needs to move out of the cycle. This really spoke to me. I feel that this is what holds me back from changing my life for the positive. I am used to being fat and failing at diets so why would that change. It is all mental!

I think my unhappiness started when I decided to quite training to run the 5K. It allowed me to perpetrate my tendency to quit things and to stay as I am. This doesn't make me change my mind about wanting to run the 5K, but it helps me understand myself a bit better. I know I need to change the cycle of failing diets and just DO IT! Decide to become successful! Easier said than done.

I guess that is the only item from my list that I am willing to talk about at the moment. But, I will continue working on the others. I do feel that I am in a better place emotionally today than I was last week but it has been a battle. Unfortunately, I do find it easier to suppress the emotions than dealing with them.

Live Long and Prosper

Bad Birthday Behavior

I was on vacation in Florida on Sunday for my birthday. I generally don't like to make a big deal of this yearly event so I didn't advertise the day to my friends. However, I had a discussion the day prior to the big day with moorewrites about my birthday and my favorite cake. BTW...I love chocolate cake with chocolate icing. YUM!

My weirdness about my birthday caused some uncomfortableness with my companions. We had spent the day dining out, shopping and having fun. We headed back to the house at 4:30 to change so we could go to the beach to ogle the multimillion dollar homes adjacent to it and to watch the sunset. When we got in the house NM requested that everyone go and get ready for the beach while she made the Sangria.

I said OK and I headed upstairs. I promptly returned five minutes later ready for some beach walking when moorewrites stopped me in the hall to comment on the painting. I thought it was odd but I gave her my opinion and then we headed into the kitchen. There stood NM and J carrying a platter of cake and singing Happy Birthday.

I was stunned and shocked. I felt like a deer in headlights and I said, "Please don't sing". All of that attention was making me very uncomfortable and I didn't know why. They started on the second verse and again I said, "Please stop singing". I didn't yell, but said it quietly with much seriousness. They stopped singing and the room got a bit awkward.

We recovered quickly and I thanked them for the cake. But why couldn't I just let them sing? They were trying to be nice and make me feel good. Why is it so hard for me to let other people do nice things for me? I now feel bad for creating the awkward situation and for not being able to accept their generosity. I wish I was better at handling these types of situations.

This made me think of the Happiness book that we read a couple months ago. We took a strength and weakness test and my 4th highest weakness was "Capacity to loved and be loved". I find that to be very telling and obviously something I need to work on.

OK...the next time someone tries to give me cake and sing Happy Birthday to me I will try really hard to let them.

Ageing Gracefully

Last year I was pretty depressed about my birthday and I had a hard time for about three weeks accepting that I was getting older. I have never worried about those things in the past but it hit me bad last year. I am glad to report that I don’t feel like that this year. I am more accepting of ageing but it does make me sad that my face doesn’t look youthful anymore.

I was having dinner with a friend last Friday night and I was complaining about the tiny little lines around my eyes. She looked at me and rolled her eyes and said they were not noticeable but, I should probably get more sleep because of the large dark circles under my eyes. GASP! She told me I looked tired. She wasn’t being mean. I think she was trying to be helpful. She then asked me what time I go to bed at night. I sheepishly replied 1:00AM.

I would like to say that I am going to go to bed earlier but I really don’t believe that I am willing to change that habit yet. I don’t like being tired in the morning but I cannot go to sleep at night until I am completely exhausted. So does anyone have any suggestions for me to make my face or eyes look more youthful? Is there a magic cream for me. I currently use Proactiv face wash and on occasion I use some moisturizer. I do realize that moisturized skin looks better but I am not sure what to use.

I would love some feedback in this unfamiliar girlie area?

Personal Training

A couple of weeks ago I told you about an opportunity I had to do some group personal training with some co-workers. I paid $75 for 4 weeks however, I am only able to attend 3 of the weeks. This leaves the cost of the training to $25 per session. At first I was excited about this new opportunity as well as a perceived inexpensive cost.

I have been very disappointed in this service. I think sometimes I try to spend too much time pleasing others and not enough time getting the value out of my service dollars. The training has been very lackluster for me. He has never challenged me or even made me break a hard sweat. Each week when I was done I knew I was capable of giving so much more. I realize that every exercise session doesn’t need to be hard core but I feel that personal training is where I need to be hard core. I don’t want someone who is mean but someone who will push me beyond what I would normally do. He never pushed me.

After I had completed my second session of training I looked at my heart rate monitor and it said that I burned 250 calories in an hour. SERIOUSLY! I swear that is what my body burns sitting at my desk. I find that unacceptable. I burn more than that walking at a leisurely pace on the Monon. I am evaluating this service because on Tuesday night I went back to trainer Mandy’s group personal training class and she kicked my ass! I know I had worked hard when I had left that class as well as received my money's worth. PS...my legs and butt still hurt.

I feel that going to Push has given me a such an education in proper body placement and form for calisthenic moves. As well as knowledge of the types of strength exercises I should be doing. I don’t feel that the work trainer guy did that for me. He would take about 7 minutes to explain a simple move and then he wouldn’t correct peoples form while they were performing the move. I feel that this is very important so you don’t hurt yourself as well as getting the most out of your workout.

I am so glad that I have learned so much from Push in the last six months. I don’t think I would have recognized the difference between a good or bad trainer when I have exercised in the past. Even though I am always money minded I never compared the cost of the two services before yesterday. The work guy’s cost is $25 per session or $18.75 if I had attend all four times. The group personal training at Push is only $12 per session. Duh…simple math. I paid for an individual session last night but next week I am going to purchase a six class pass for $72. I really think I need a twice a week hard core training with the rest of the days being lighter.

PS…I would like to note that I have decided against running the 5K. I found that it made my ankles hurt and I DID NOT ENJOY IT! I think that there are so many exercises that I enjoy why would I spend time on ones that I HATE! So…I will be walking the 5K. Perhaps in the future I will reevaluate this goal.

Emotional Eating

Sometimes it is easy for me to be in denial about my behavior. I like to think that I am a rational and logical person. I also like to think that my problems with eating have nothing to do with my emotions. I AM VERY WRONG!!!!

I had an extremely bad day at work yesterday. There were harsh words exchanged and I was upset all afternoon and through the evening. I exercised after work as normal but, when I got home at 7:15 I invaded the kitchen. I was overcome by a food demon and this is what I ate:

Frozen Pizza - 3 small pieces reheated
Chips - I opened the bag and began to eat, I don't know how much
Cookie's - 8 peanut butter cookies
Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich
Macaroni and Cheese - individual serving

I was finally done and my stomach hurt. Why would I do this. I could hardly move the rest of the evening after I ate all of that food. Unfortunately, I wasn't quite done with the food nonsense. Today I managed to eat McDonald's for two meals. For breakfast I has a Sausage McMuffin sans the egg and at lunch I had a fish sandwich, fries and a cookie. At least I stayed away from the burger to keep my pact with ems.

Tonight I had the 5K training at work and afterwords I decided to go to the Push It class at the gym. This class is an hour long group personal training and it is TOUGH! The instructor is a nice version of Jillian from TBL. I felt very drained and sore when I came home, but also very satisfied with myself. It was much easier for me to make better choices for dinner.

Even though I have been working out six days a week lately I don't think I have been pushing myself enough. After tonight's work out I definitely believe I am capable of more. I think I am going to dump Monday's light training in exchange for the weekly Mandy beating.

The moral of this story is that I am going to try to become more aware of my emotional eating and try to stop it before it gets out of control. Ugg...I didn't feel good after I ate all of that food.

"The strong-minded overcome the weak-minded!"

A few weeks ago I was listening to a podcast (How Stuff Works) and at the end of the podcast one of the commentators said my now infamous quote:

"The strong-minded overcome the weak-minded!"

As soon as I heard him say the quote it immediately appealed to me. I quickly wrote it down. There has been much conversation about this new tag-line that now appears on my outbound emails. Some of it involved me become an evil queen and controlling the world. Other people were worried that I was becoming a dictator or a cult leader. We finally determined that I wouldn't be a good fit in any of those categories (primarily because I would not be able to control my minions) but I think it fits me nonetheless.

I was thinking about this today when I was emailing a friend about my goal of running a 5K. I have been having some reservations of my physically ability to complete this task. Every day that I work on my running I think about quitting. The logical part of my brain doesn't want to quit but the emotional part yells to me "YOU ARE FAT AND SHOULD NOT BE RUNNING".

I was watching "The Biggest Loser" this week and one of the contestants was having a mental block that wouldn't allow her to jump up on this one foot high platform. Every time you saw her it appeared that she wasn't really trying. The fear was holding her back. I think I feel the same way. I really don't think that I will ever be able to run 3.1 miles. It seems an impossible task so why would I spend time trying.

This is where my quote comes into play. I have to approach this with my "Strong-Mind" and not my "Weak-Mind". I know that a good portion of my battle with this new challenge is going to be mental. I also have some physical obstacles to overcome. I need to work on my cardio fitness. I still get very winded and my heart rate skyrockets after one minute of running and logically I know that I just need to work on conditioning my heart. Secondly, I am having some discomfort from the ankle that I sprained in May. I was in some pain today and I had to downplay my training today. UGG...

Does anyone have any advise for me. Are there any tricks to conditioning my heart. I should tell you that I am currently working out six days a week. I usually alternate my exercise days with hard and easy workouts. This is an example of what I have done in the last week.


Friday - Day Off
Saturday - 60 Minute Walk
Sunday - 60 Minute walk/run Intervals - 60 Minute Horseback riding
Monday - Group personal training Class - 60 Minutes
Tuesday - 35 Minute running/walking intervals
Wednesday - 60 Minute walk
Thursday - 30 Minute Personal Training

Any advise or encouragement on how to overcome my mental weakness would be appreciated as I am struggling with this goal.

Just for a Laugh

I had a silly conversation this week about fashion and we ended up talking about glasses. The conversation reminded me of the time I purchased some "fashion" glasses and I wore them everywhere thinking they looked good.

O Look...Football

The hair scared you didn't it! I wonder if I ever considered using any product? This was taken at the BGSU Saturday afternoon football game. I was in junior high and all of the students got free tickets to their first home game. See how I wore the gigantic "fashion" glasses to look COOL. I really think that the glasses accent my large nose. BTW...I look exactly like my mother in this photo. I just need a cigarette to top it off.

This photo was taken in front of the junior high school. I believe this was taken in the beginning of my seventh grade year. Seriously...it was August or September and I am wearing a sweater. I am still sporting the big '80s hair and costume jewelry. Why did I purchase those jeans. They look gigantic on me. Did I even try them on? I am embarrassed to say, but I do believe I wore those fake glasses to school.

The other girl in the photo was my best friend from 5th grade until the end of high school. We lived very close together all of those years.

This photo was taken in the front of the trailer we lived in. Do you see that all three of us are wearing glasses. I think the girl on the left has real glasses but the rest are for fun. The girl on my right was my other best friend since 7th grade. Don't you love her big white earrings and pink purse. The white and blue shirt I was wearing was one of my favorites. I think I wore it all of the time. Seriously...much needed hair product!

I have a Goal

There were three goals that I set for myself at the beginning of summer.

A. Ride a 26 mile marathon on my bike
B. Riding up Riley hill at Crown Hill without stopping
C. Have an Odometer reading of 500 miles on my bike at the end of summer

I accomplished the 26 mile marathon easily and the longest I have rode is 42 miles. I have also exceeded my odometer reading and it is currently about 650 miles (I am still a little amazed at the amount). Just so you know...summer will not be over for my bike until there is snow and ice on the ground! I have not accomplished the ride up the hill, but to be honest I haven't worked on that one very much. We stopped going to the cemetery very often because it ceased to be challenging.

I was thinking of this because I am getting ready to set myself a new goal. We are preparing to start another fitness challenge at work and it involves participating in a 5K walk. They have found a training program online that is supposed to take an inactive person from the couch to jogging a 5k in 9 weeks.

When this challenge was first discussed a couple months ago I shrugged it off as something I wouldn't participate in as I don't really like to walk. However, in the last month I have realized given the right circumstances I do like to walk and I find it a relaxing activity. I attribute this to three things:

A. I am in better shape now that I have been in forever due to the biking passion
B. Great company while exploring the area parks
C. Any outside activity interests me

I have decided that in addition to participating in the 5K, I want to jog it. Seriously, I want to try and jog 3.4 miles. I KNOW....Crazy Right. I wouldn't have said that 3 months ago. I would have laughed and said you are out of your mind. But, something has changed inside of my brain and I think I may have a chance of accomplishing this goal. The early summer goals were so easy for me to accomplish and they seemed daunting when I set them. I think that half of the battle is attitude and the second half is putting in the training work.

To be honest I do like working out. Some would say that I am getting a bit of a big head about fitness, but that quickly goes away when I hang out with an athletic person. However, it is good for me to hang out with the athletic people because they challenge me.

The training will begin on October 12, 2009. The training is comprised of a three day a week program that begins with baby steps of jogging. I have two friends who are interesting in participating in this with me. Is anyone else interested in participating or training with me?

I might need some encouragement in this new goal so the next time you see me ask me if I have been doing my training.

PS...this is how my brain works...if I say I am going to do something and it is widely known...it is hard for me to back out of it.

One of my Rare “Girly Moments”

I was invited to a friend’s house for a party on Saturday night. I was excited to go and I thought I should take some time to pay special attention to my appearance for once, so I decided to wear this new skirt I had purchased the week before. This skirt has special significance as it is the only such item currently in my wardrobe. I don’t normally purchase skirts because I don’t like the way they look on me but when I saw the skirt, it immediately appealed to me. It was denim (of course) and has some cute little flares at the bottom. When I purchase clothes I don’t buy them unless I think they look good on me, and viola it did. In comparison, I tried on at least 20 (this is not an exaggeration) shirts and only ended up purchasing four of them.

After showering on Saturday I knew I wanted to wear the skirt but I wasn’t sure what to put with it. BTW…I had to shave my legs for the second time that day just to wear this item. I stood in my closet for a few minutes and pulled out a plain black sweater. I put it on and walked around for a bit. Then I went to the closet and tried on a pair of shoes. I am the type of person who likes to ALWAYS wear socks, so I wasn’t digging the healed Mary Jane’s without socks. Then I thought that I could wear my black tights…as I walked around I was already hot in the sweater so I discarded the shoes, tights and sweater.

I was almost naked again and I still needed to put the outfit together from scratch. I again looked in my closet for a magic shirt that wasn’t in there and I finally settled on a grey short sleeve sweater that has cute white puffed sleeves. I was beginning to like the outfit but, I was back to the shoe issue. I tried on a pair of brown clogs but they didn’t match…then I decided the best option was my black Sketchers without socks. I assure you, the no sock thing bothered me the entire evening.

Then I had to think about the jewelry. I put on my favorite necklace and it has several colors so I had to be careful when choosing my earrings. I usually wear my diamonds but I need new backs for them so they were out of the mix. After much indecision I decided upon my black pearl earrings that I purchased when I was in China. I think they fit in well with my shirt and necklace.

As I was getting ready to leave I looked back at my bedroom and realized that I have made a horrendous mess. There were shoes everywhere and dis-guarded shirts and tights on the couch. Is this the routine that girls normally go through when they get dressed? If so, it sucks. I am glad that I am normally a decisive person and I can go into my closet and come out dressed quickly. The best thing is that I usually match! I know that is the normal routine for many women but it was decidedly abnormal for me.

Checking Accounts for the "Unbanked" Population

Perhaps my Liberal friends should stop reading now:

I read this article in the Indianapolis Star last week and it pissed me off! It talked about getting checking accounts for people in Indiana who don't currently have a bank account. The article said that there were three primary reasons that the unbanked didn't have accounts:

1. Excessive Overdrafts or below minimum balances
2. Illegal Immigrants
3. Being afraid of the banks.

The article went on to talk about a program that Mayor Ballard is rolling out to help the "unbanked people" of Indiana. I am calling BS! Seriously!

The three reasons listed are clear to me why they don't or cannot have accounts. First of all, the article talks about all of the fees that the unbanked people pay using payday loan services to cash checks. They state the large amortization of paying $4 ($208 yearly) a week to cash a check. Duh...excessive overdrafts can cause a monetary irresponsible person to pay significantly more than that per year. I think that the people who cannot control themselves with a checking account are better off paying the check cashing fees and money order fees than paying exorbitant overdraft fees. Can the bank really teach irresponsible people to become responsible? I don't think so.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that banks should just cater to A+ credit risks but they should be a bit more responsible. There are already banks that have existing programs to help people who have bad banking history. Why does Mayor Ballard need to become involved. I find this to be a business matter and not a political matter. We already have a bad history of governmental interference in the banking industry. Aren't we currently in a housing crisis for this very reason. Hasn't the government bailed out numerous banks due to poor decision making? When will the madness stop.

The second group addressed in this article are illegal immigrants. I don't agree with special concessions for illegal immigrants. The word "Illegal" says everything. Getting a green card will open many doors. I think our country does a horrendous job addressing the illegal immigrant problem. My belief is to have much tighter border security but also allow significantly more legal immigrants access to our country. The bottom line is I don't think we should make it easy for illegal immigrants to get checking accounts.

The third group was people who are distrustful of the banking system. Is this little program really going to change that groups mind? I don't think so! That is why we live in America, we all don't have to herd together and do the same thing. Why does Mayor Ballard think that everyone should have a bank account even if they clearly don't want it. Why are we spending governmental dollars this way?

The author states that there are 79,000 residents in Marion county without a bank account. The current population of Marion county is 880,380. The 79,000 represents 9% of the population. Is this hoopla necessary? What do you think of this article? Do you agree or disagree with this viewpoint.

Right Place at the Right Time

I was sitting in the lunch room today minding my own business and reading the paper when a co-worker started a conversation with me. We talked about the new wellness challenge that should start in October and various other topics. She was eating a pitch-in lunch with about five other women from my company and we all engaged in conversation.

All of a sudden one of them asks me if I want to join them. I was confused as I was finished with my lunch and I was on my way back to work. She begins to explain to me that she goes to a gym in Broadripple and utilized a trainer there once a week. She then told me she has decided to get a group of people together to do some group personal training with her trainer once a week in the basement of a local church. I was completely surprised by this announcement. I think she thought she had sent me this information and that was why I was in the lunch room, but the email was not sent to me. It was just a coincidence.

The trainer arrives a few minutes later to talk to us about what to expect. He was beautiful! Why are so many of the trainers beautiful? He had a big wide smile and a inviting face. He was wearing a shirt that said “Look’s Good Naked”. I suspect that he does and is proud of it. He told us that we will meet once a week on Monday nights at 5:30 for an hour and the cost is $75 for the month of personal training. Basically, that is $20 a week. I am currently paying $40 for a thirty minute session once a week. Hmmmm…So I pay double for half the time.

He instructed us to bring some light hand weights, 3 to 5 lbs. A group member stated that she didn’t have any weight and could she bring some canned food as a substitute. He gave her a look and told her she needed to bring some weights in. He also said that you could get used equipment at Play it Again Sports for about a $1 per weight. That sounds like a good idea to me.

What a deal. I wanted to be able to do training two days a week and this is how I can make that happen for myself. I am so glad that I ate my lunch in the break room today. I don’t think I would have encountered this opportunity without being in the right place at the right time.

Living in the Moment

Did you ever see the movie "Star Trek: Insurrection"? This is the movie which puts Jean Luc and company on a planet which has a “fountain of youth” effect. While Jean Luc is there he meets a women and falls in love with her. During the movie she tries to teach him the importance of taking the time out of your day to live in the moment. I like this idea and I found myself "living in the moment" that this past weekend.

On Saturday, I went cycling on the Tow path and I enjoyed a long ride from Broadripple to Downtown and back. While we were riding back, I found myself engrossed in a conversation with my companion, and as we were talking I began blocking everything else out. I was riding North bound on the left hand side of the path (IE…the wrong side) when we encountered other riders. I honestly didn’t see them as we approached. My friend said that they were waving at me and tried to get my attention to move. I was not having it. All of a sudden the biker was upon us and had to go on the grass to get around me. He yelled some things at me and I in turn yelled some things back. During this entire incident my companion just kept riding along on the correct side of the path.

My point is that I was living in the moment and oblivious to everything around me. I think it is great when I find myself able to concentrate on the situation at hand. This is one of the most important things about social situations for me. If I am feeling awkward or shy (I know....it is hard to imagine) I am not able to bring myself to this level of connection with my friends. To be honest...I cannot even recall what we were talking about at the time of the cycling incident but I do remember the feeling of being engrossed.

I am usually not aware of this phenomenon while they occur, but when I am reflecting back on my day I can pick them out. This doesn't happen to me every day or even every week but this is how I am able to recharge myself and increase my energy reserves (just like on Star Trek, only without the anti-aging effects).

I think this is one of the things that has allowed me to embrace exercise this summer. I do not like to do it by myself, but when I have company I am able to walk 4 miles at Fort Harrison and be sad when it is over or bike 20 miles in an afternoon. I think that it is too bad for my employers that I cannot transcend that feeling to my work. I was never one of those people who look up at five and am surprised that it is time to go home. However, I am often surprised when it is time to finish up biking and go home. Perhaps one day my work and passion will become the same thing!

Have any of my readers had this experience. Can you live in the moment and block out all outside stimulus and focus on the experience? Tell me about it.

Food Decision

I have struggled with controlling my food the last week. I find it very difficult to consistently purchase and prepare healthy foods. I will become motivated for a week or two but it is so easy for me to slip back into my old lazy habits of going out to dinner or ordering a pizza.

I haven't gone to the grocery store in over a week and I have nothing ready to pack for my lunch tomorrow. It makes me feel very overwhelmed to prepare a menu, and then buy the food and then cook it. Yikes! I can tell you all day long what I should do, but consistency is not my friend.

While I was sitting on my bed avoiding watching The Biggest Loser (so I wouldn't feel bad about myself) I got an idea. I utilized this service called Seattle Sutton's Healthy Eating twice in my past with varying degrees of success and I am considering signing up again. There are definite advantages and disadvantages to this service.

Advantages

Fresh Food
It doesn't taste like crap because I overcooked it
Calorie Controlled
No Thinking or Grocery Shopping
Food Delivered to my house twice a week
I wouldn't be able to eat out because I would have already purchased my food.

Disadvantages

Cost
No Choice
I wouldn't be able to eat out
Cost

The cost is really the biggest disadvantage in my mind. It is $129 for a 1200 calorie plan and $149 for a 2000 calorie plan. This cost is per week and doesn't include the delivery. Currently, I should be eating 2000 calories a day, so if I choose that plan I would be spending $600 a month on food without groceries. Just so you know...I am already spending $600 a month on groceries. But this new cost wouldn't include household supplies. I really think that this could be really good for me. I really DO NOT NEED to eat out anymore. This is where I get all of my extra calories.

When I utilized this service in the past I did find myself throwing away some of the food because I did go out to eat a couple times a week. A second option would be to go with a half week delivery service. This would involve me getting just one delivery a week and I would need to prepare the rest of my meals.

I feel so indecisive. On one had I feel like I need to say Fu*k the money and do what is good for me, on the other hand I think if I just practiced a bit more discipline I could do it on my own. This second strategy has NEVER worked for me in the past. I am not sure that I have the discipline to control my food and continually cook and I rarely enjoy cooking.

UGGGG...so what do you think I should do?

I am a Patron of the Arts

I had a full weekend of several Arty activities. I listened to some Opera on Friday night, I viewed various types of Art on Saturday and I saw a play on Sunday. In between those activities I managed to go on two hikes. I visited Eagle Creek on Saturday evening and Fort Harrison on Sunday morning. I felt like I packed in a variety of social, physical and mental stimulus in the past few days.

I shall start at the beginning. I remained friends with a co-worker who has since moved on to a fantastic job at IUPUI and she received two free tickets to a concert by Angela Brown at the Madame Walker Theatre. Angela Brown is a world traveled Opera singer. She preformed a concert at the theatre in honor of IUPUI's 40th anniversary.

Most of the patrons in the audience were very well dressed. I am glad that my friend advised me because it was very likely that I would have wore my jeans and T-Shirt. I am glad that I didn't go with my first instincts and brought some clothes to change into.

The concert consisted of a full two hours of singing and commentary. Angela Brown is a very charismatic person. When she spoke she captured your attention and made me want to listen to her. The first hour of the concert she sang a variety of Opera songs that I have never heard of and were mostly in other languages. The second part of the show she created a duet with a Broad Ripple HS Choral Ensemble and then she brought out a guitar player.

Ok...here it is....I don't think that I am as cultured as I thought I was, because I didn't like this show. I don't like it when I cannot understand the songs and the high pitch was hard for me to listen to. I am extremely leery of attending any future Opera shows. In the past I have considered seeing one of the simulcasts that play in the movie theatres presented from the NY Met. I may have to pass on this future endeavor. I am glad that I had the opportunity to experience this type of music but once was definitely enough.

On Saturday I was invited to the Penrod Arts Fair. I have attended this once before about two years ago and somehow I was able to get in without paying. I am not sure how that happened and that wasn't our intention. Which comes to my biggest problem with this event, it's cost! They charge $15 admission at the gate to see vendors and purchase their products. Why should I pay admission to make an art purchase? Isn't the art expensive enough as it is? I enjoy the art and seeing their variety of wares but I would have enjoyed it more for free.

I enjoyed my time at the fair but I think it will be low on my future entertainment choices. BTW...I was able to leave the fair without buying any art. I feel extremely lucky to have made it out with my bank account intact. However, I did purchase some fantastic popcorn. It was the best popcorn that I have ever tasted and it was called Rupert's Tye-Dyelicious Corn. It was multi-flavored and was reminiscent of Fruit Loops. The bag was gone pretty quickly. I am sure that I don't want to know the nutritional information.

The final event of the weekend was the first show of the season presented at the Phoenix Theatre. It was called, "The Most Damaging Wound" and was utterly fantastic. The show held my rapt attention the entire 90 minutes. These types of dramatic shows really appeal to me and it was very well done. All of the actors were extremely believable and cast well. Also, the costume design was spot on. You really got a sense of the character and their personality by their clothing choice.

The show was very funny and dramatic at the same time. At one point ems covered her eyes during the show. I was confused as there was no nudity on the stage but just funny sex talk. She said when it was done that she was embarrassed for the characters. I cannot recommend this show enough! Everyone GO AND SEE IT. Click on the link and make a reservation! I am so glad that I decided to purchase my season tickets and I look forward to their future shows.

So every one of these experiences had something to offer but the best was the show at the Phoenix. I am glad that I have so many friends who are interested and willing to enjoy these activities with me.

Nightmare's

Recently I have quite a succession of nightmares. I don't know what is going on, but I am sick of these vivid and unsettling dreams. I was talking to a friend about this over the weekend and she thought it might be related to my medication. I have been taking Allegra D for some time and I recently changed to regular Allegra. Could that be the cause?

These are two examples from my recent nightmare's. BTW...the reason that I classify them as nightmare's is because I wake up upset and very unsettled. I am not sure they are what most people would consider a nightmare.

Monday Night's Dream

I went to a co-workers house because I had nowhere to live and no possessions. He lived in extreme poverty and when I arrived he was working on making a makeshift roof with some plywood. I tried to encourage him that the roof needed shingles to no avail. His house had no indoor plumbing so we had to shower in the backyard with the garden hose. This was a cold and unpleasant task. I had no cloths so I had to wear his cloths and all of J's cloths were dirty. So I had to wear his dirty cloths. (YUCK!) We got into his old beat up car that was stuffed full of crap and it had holes in the floor to go-to some high school dance.

The setting of this dream was very grim and depressing. I was quite upset and out of sorts when I woke up.

Saturday Night's Dream

I dreamed about NM this night. I was at her house in the country, apparently she lived on a farm and we got into a giant fight. We were yelling at each other and in each others faces. I stormed out and went back to the trailer park shack I was living in with Lou. This place was a dump and a horrible living situation which is why I was staying with NM.

Then all of a sudden the dump burned down. Since we were now homeless Lou moved in with Nicole, but I refused to go due to our fight and I ended up homeless. The setting in this dream was very grim and depressing at the trailer. Think about the movie "8 Mile" for the trailer, but the setting at Nicole's house was all butterflies and rainbows.


I feel that most of these dreams were revolving around me living poverty. Why is this occurring so often. I don't feel like I am upset about anything special in my life right now. I am not in danger of losing my house and I think my job is "fairly" secure. At the very least I made it through the first round of layoffs.

Does anyone have any insight? I am tired of waking up being so upset!

My First Porno Rental!

I had a flash back tonight when I went to the Keystone Art Cinema tonight to see "(500) Days of Summer". I was at the counter purchasing my ticket when I got very distracted. I looked down and there was a 30th anniversary copy of the film "Caligula".

This movie took me back to 1992 when I had just moved away from home a month before graduation and rented an apartment with two friends. I was working at McDonald's and some co-workers were talking about this great historical film that they just watched. I should mention that these co-workers were male and at least 4 years older than me. I piped up that I liked history and asked the name of the film. They told me and I stored it away for a future rental opportunity.

Some time later I go to the neighborhood video rental store.

This was not a big box rental store but a family owned local store. I LOVED this place. They had a large choice of videos as well as fair pricing. I was friends with and went to high school with the owners daughter. I should also mention that during this period I was ALWAYS at the video store as I had an obsession with seeing all movies.

The video store stored all of the actual movies in the back and you had to pick up the case and take it to the store front to check out the movie. I looked around for this movie to no avail so I went the counter and asked for it. I got a funny look and the employee took me over to the "Adult" section and began browsing through the movie containers. I began to get embarrassed and wondered what I had gotten myself into. The employee located a copy and went behind the counter to find the actual film.

I paid for my purchase and practically ran out of the store with my face in flames. Of course this didn't stop me from viewing the film when I got home. I was in a perpetual state of shock as I sat on the couch and watched the depravity. To this day I still have some vivid images of this movie in my head. About half way through the movie one of my roommates came home and was a bit shocked at the TV screen and quickly secluded herself in her room.

I was so embarrassed over the whole situation. I am sure that my McDonald's co-workers had a great laugh over my ignorance and gullibility. I didn't come back to work and tell them, but I am sure that they knew about the rental. After all, these were horny college boys who set me up.

Just in case you are wondering this is an AWFUL film and I am not recommending it. But I find it funny how things can trigger memories (good and bad) of your past.

Medication Rant

I have a bit of a rant today. I take Allegra and Allegra D for my allergy symptoms. I have been taking these two medication for several years and it usually works very well. The Allegra is a once a day pill and the Allegra D is a twice a day pill because the decongestant that it contains. So about two years ago I decided to only get the Allegra D so I would have twice as many pills. I usually wouldn't have to take them every day and rarely twice a day. This method worked out for me until this summer when my allergies have intensified.

This summer has been especially brutal on my allergies and I find myself taking the pills every day twice a day. I was concerned with the quantity of decongestant I was taking, so when I needed the prescription refilled I requested that doctor call in the regular Allegra to the mail away pharmacy that I use. When I received the pills I was annoyed to see that they only sent me a 30 day supply instead of 90 day supply that I normally receive. I just gave a big sigh at the hassle of getting the problem fixed.

I called my doctor the next day and told them that they only wrote the prescription for 30 days and not for the year as they normally do. The lady answering the phone seemed confused and suggested that I call Caremark and ask them what the doctor should do. Duh! They just need to call in an additional prescription. I let it go and took no action because the lady at the doctors office got on my nerves.

However, this week my allergies were getting bothersome and the medicine was no longer working effectively. I am getting fevers, constant itching, and red and irritated eyes. (BTW...the eye doctor told me last week that I should use eye drops and I keep forgetting to pick them up.) So I called the doctor again and this time asked if she could put me on stronger medicine. After we played phone tag for a day and a half it was decided that I needed to stay on the Allegra and add a nasal spray. The lady at the doctors office was going to call in my nasal spray to my neighborhood CVS and then call in the Allegra to Caremark and that would come in the mail in the next week.

Here is the part where I get mad. I stopped by CVS on my way home to pick up the nasal spray and guess what? They had both prescriptions. I just shook my head. I asked the guy how much was the Allegra. He said $20. I asked him, "Is that for a month?" He said NO, for three months! WTF! I just paid $20 to Caremark for a 30 refill and I normally pay $110 for the 90 day Allegra D. I was dumbstruck, so I asked why it was only $20. He explained that the regular Allegra has a generic replacement but the Allegra D does not.

I want to know how long I have been overpaying for the stupid Allegra D. I was doing it to be cheap. When did the regular Allegra run out of it's patent? This kind of health care BS just burns me up!

Cool New Poster and Top 25 Songs

A couple weeks ago I was on a bike ride with ems and we stopped by her boys place of employment so she could visit and so I could use the lavatory. There was a most awesome poster in the bathroom and I immediately LOVED it. When I came out I asked ems boy if anyone would notice if it went missing? I received an quick response that an APB would be called out to locate any missing poster. I guess that means that they love it too. When I went home I did a quick google search and found one on Amazon for $4.49 plus shipping. I quickly purchased it and it arrived at my house on Friday.

Isn't it AWESOME! It is the only wall decoration in my bedroom. As I was admiring my new purchase I began to think of music. As many of you know I have a great love of music. I enjoy listening to it live, in my car, on my bike and at work. As a matter of fact I usually listen to my IPOD an average of six hours a day during the week.

I looked at my ITUNES account to view my top 25 played songs. I thought it was an interesting list and I should share it with you. So here goes:

1. Lucky by Jason Mraz

2. Busted by Johnny Cash

3. The Bitch of Living by Spring Awakening Cast

4. Folsom Prison Blues by Johnny Cash

5. Dark as the Dungeon by Johnny Cash

6. I Still Miss Someone by Johnny Cash

7. I'm Yours by Jason Mraz

8. Cocaine Blues by Johnny Cash

9. Jackson by Johnny Cash

10. All that's Known by Spring Awakening Cast

11. Mama who Bore Me by Spring Awakening Cast

12. Mama who Bore Me (Reprise) by Spring Awakening Cast

13. My Junk by Spring Awakening Cast

14. 25 Minutes to Go by Johnny Cash

15. Make it Mine by Jason Mraz

16. Orange Blossom Special by Johnny Cash

17. Touch Me by Spring Awakening Cast

18. Party Hard by Bennie Man

19. Laura by Scissor Sisters

20. The Long Black Veil by Johnny Cash

21. The Wall by Johnny Cash

22. The Word of Your Body by Spring Awakening Cast

23. Rehab by Amy Winehouse

24. I Want You to Want Me by Cheap Trick

25. Live High by Jason Mraz

I find it interesting that they are few artists represented. I am not sure I would have said that Johnny Cash is my favorite singer, but after I see that 10 of the 25 songs (40%) are by him I think that the math speaks for its self. So the next time that someone asks me who my favorite artist is I will have to sheepishly reply, Johnny Cash with the disclaimer that I don't like Country music. I find that to be somewhat of a conundrum.

I am glad that Cheap Trick had a place on the list as well. Who couldn't love the classic 70's song. I remember having the Cheap Trick at Budokan album on cassette and listening to it in my early college years.

As many of my friends will remember I dragged them on a trip to Columbus, Ohio to see a performance of Spring Awakening in early 2009. I was immediately enamored with this musical and music when I saw it on Broadway in 2009. It still rates at the top of my list of Broadway musicals. BTW...the traveling show is coming to Cincinnati later this year or early 2010 if anyone is interested in seeing it for the first time or a second go around.

I would like to get responses back from my friends, and I guess any strangers who read my blog, of their top songs. Was there any surprises from what you though of as your favorite and what was the most played? Did we have any music in common? I am going to mark my calender to do this same blog next August and see how my playlist has changed.

BTW...as I was writing this I was listening to my newly downloaded Amy Winehouse album Frank. I had no idea until this week that she had recorded anything other than Back in Black. It is a great collection of music and she has a great voice. Perhaps she could layoff a bit of the heroin to record a new album.

Throw Caution to the Wind!

Did you read my last post? If so, you must remember that my #2 Weakness was:



Strength#23 (AKA Weakness #2)

Caution, prudence, and discretion



You are a careful person, and your choices are consistently prudent ones. You do not say or do things that you might later regret.



Well it became evident that I was lacking this strength when I recount tonight's biking adventure. It all started innocently enough. Moorewrites and I decided we wanted to go biking this week and we chose to go today. We decided to meet at the 96th Street Monon parking area at 6:00pm. All went according to plan and we were on the trail riding north at 6:10. This was due to me needing to do some bike maintenance and not either of us being late ;)



We were riding and having great conversation when we hit the first obstacle, a bridge. I was aware that she doesn't like heights, but I didn't think much of that when I decided upon our route. I should have thought about it! We get to the bridge and I speed up to get some momentum and I quickly go over to the other side. I stop at the bottom of the hill and turn around and look for her. She is no where to be seen. I wait about five minutes hoping she will come, but she doesn't. I call her and when she answers I ask if she is coming. She said she was not going to go over the bridge. So I think that I said something like "Get the Fu*k over the bridge!" in an exasperated tone of voice. I have to say that cursing at her didn't help the situation.



I ask her to get off of the monon and cross the street, but she doesn't see an exit. I said wait there and I will come and find her. I get off of the trail, cross W. Carmel Drive and look for an entrance to the Monon. Guess What...there isn't an access point on both sides, just the North side. I ride my bike through a parking lot and then through a dry ditch until I finally find her. But we have an obstacle. There is a 4.5 foot wooden railing that is preventing her from getting off of the trail. I think for a moment, and I tell her to lift her bike and I will lift it to the other side. I figured if I got her bike over, I could somehow manage to get her over too. I want you to picture this. Both of us have very little upper arm strength and the fence reaches my shoulder area, so I have to reach very high to get the bike over the fence. Somehow we manage it.



Next we need to get Moorewrites to the other side. I suggest that she walk through the brush but she doesn't think that is a great idea. I then suggest she climbs under the railing and scoot on her bottom. She hedges a bit, but then decides that looks like the best option. Did I mention that she is wearing a white T-Shirt? The back of the shirt was no longer so bright when she was done.



After our 15 minute obstacle we continue on our ride North and we made it to the end and past 146th Street. It was a beautiful ride and the weather was very nice. As we were riding I began to get hungry and I suggest that we stop for dinner at Bubs. Moorewrites agrees and we stop on our way back South. We have a fabulous dinner and when we were paying I look up and discover that it is getting pretty dark outside. I look at my watch and to my astonishment it is 8:30. The time just gets away from me when I am biking.



We begin to hurry as we are quickly loosing daylight and we know that we need to take a detour to skip the bridge in Carmel. I ask the server and she suggests that we take Rangeline road down to 116th Street and access the Monon there. That worked out great and there were nice sidewalks for us to ride on the entire time. As we reenter the Monon it was now completely dark. The darkness is doubled by the large quantity of trees that line the Monon as well as a large cloud cover in the sky. We begin to get a bit scared as we cannot see very far in front of ourselves. I have never rode in such a dark scenario. It was not pleasant. You cold hear the frogs croaking and the grasshoppers making their nighttime sound.



We began to ride faster and the bugs were entering our area in droves. I kept feeling them hit various parts of my body as I was riding. I really don't like the bugs and it was kind of gross. I imagine that there are dead bug carcases on my various body parts. YUCK!



We make it back to our cars safely and without incident. But you can see I was missing a bit of caution on this ride. Perhaps we shouldn't have tried to break off of the Monon and lift the bike over the railing. Perhaps we shouldn't have stopped for dinner. Perhaps we should have had lights for our bikes.



Even though I make fun of you....this is why I need to hang out with my cautious friends. We balance each other out. I get you to spread your wings and you get me to close mine a bit. Thanks for that even though I roll my eyes a bit.

Authentic Happiness

The auxiliary book club that I belong to read the book, "Authentic Happiness" by Martin E.P. Seligman. This was not the type of book that I would ordinarily read but Nicole really wanted us to read and then discuss it. I am glad that I stuck with it and finished the book and I learned a couple new thing about myself in the process.

We had to take a quiz that evaluated our strengths and weaknesses. His theorized that the utilization of your strengths will make you a happier person and give you a more fulfilling life. The following list details out my greatest strengths an weakness.


Your Top Strength
Love of learning
You love learning new things, whether in a class or on your own. You have always loved school, reading, and museums-anywhere and everywhere there is an opportunity to learn.

Your Second Strength
Curiosity and interest in the world
You are curious about everything. You are always asking questions, and you find all subjects and topics fascinating. You like exploration and discovery.

Your Third Strength
Humor and playfulness
You like to laugh and tease. Bringing smiles to other people is important to you. You try to see the light side of all situations.

Your Fourth Strength
Industry, diligence, and perseverance
You work hard to finish what you start. No matter the project, you "get it out the door" in timely fashion. You do not get distracted when you work, and you take satisfaction in completing tasks.

Your Fifth Strength
Zest, enthusiasm, and energy
Regardless of what you do, you approach it with excitement and energy. You never do anything halfway or halfheartedly. For you, life is an adventure.

Strength#6
Leadership
You excel at the tasks of leadership: encouraging a group to get things done and preserving harmony within the group by making everyone feel included. You do a good job organizing activities and seeing that they happen.

Strength#7
Hope, optimism, and future-mindedness
You expect the best in the future, and you work to achieve it. You believe that the future is something that you can control.

Strength#8
Kindness and generosity
You are kind and generous to others, and you are never too busy to do a favor. You enjoy doing good deeds for others, even if you do not know them well.

Strength#9
Bravery and valor
You are a courageous person who does not shrink from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain. You speak up for what is right even if there is opposition. You act on your convictions.

Strength#10
Forgiveness and mercy
You forgive those who have done you wrong. You always give people a second chance. Your guiding principle is mercy and not revenge.

Strength#11
Judgment, critical thinking, and open-mindedness
Thinking things through and examining them from all sides are important aspects of who you are. You do not jump to conclusions, and you rely only on solid evidence to make your decisions. You are able to change your mind.

Strength#12
Citizenship, teamwork, and loyalty
You excel as a member of a group. You are a loyal and dedicated teammate, you always do your share, and you work hard for the success of your group.

Strength#13
Honesty, authenticity, and genuineness
You are an honest person, not only by speaking the truth but by living your life in a genuine and authentic way. You are down to earth and without pretense; you are a "real" person.

Strength#14
Creativity, ingenuity, and originality
Thinking of new ways to do things is a crucial part of who you are. You are never content with doing something the conventional way if a better way is possible.

Strength#15
Fairness, equity, and justice
Treating all people fairly is one of your abiding principles. You do not let your personal feelings bias your decisions about other people. You give everyone a chance.

Strength#16
Modesty and humility
You do not seek the spotlight, preferring to let your accomplishments speak for themselves. You do not regard yourself as special, and others recognize and value your modesty.

Strength#17
Perspective (wisdom)
Although you may not think of yourself as wise, your friends hold this view of you. They value your perspective on matters and turn to you for advice. You have a way of looking at the world that makes sense to others and to yourself.

Strength#18
Social intelligence
You are aware of the motives and feelings of other people. You know what to do to fit in to different social situations, and you know what to do to put others at ease.

Strength#19
Appreciation of beauty and excellence
You notice and appreciate beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in all domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience.

Strength#20
Gratitude
You are aware of the good things that happen to you, and you never take them for granted. Your friends and family members know that you are a grateful person because you always take the time to express your thanks.

Strength#21
Capacity to love and be loved
You value close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated. The people to whom you feel most close are the same people who feel most close to you.

Strength#22
Self-control and self-regulation
You self-consciously regulate what you feel and what you do. You are a disciplined person. You are in control of your appetites and your emotions, not vice versa.

Strength#23
Caution, prudence, and discretion
You are a careful person, and your choices are consistently prudent ones. You do not say or do things that you might later regret.

Strength#24
Spirituality, sense of purpose, and faith
You have strong and coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe. You know where you fit in the larger scheme. Your beliefs shape your actions and are a source of comfort to you.


Lets start with the unpleasant first:

Strength#21 (AKA Weakness)
Capacity to love and be loved

I was very shocked to learn that this was so low on the list at number 21. The reason that this is so low has to do with the second portion of the description. The capacity to be loved. This kind of sucks for me, but I do think that it is true. I do tend to avoid relationships. I don't think that I really like this about myself, but I am also not sure what I need to change to fix it. In our group "therapy" session we have determined that it is associated with my childhood and subsequent upbringing. I don't think that I like that this was pointed out.

Strength#18 Social intelligence

I find it interesting that this category was very low. I am a very social person, but I realize that isn't what makes this one of my weaknesses. I think that I have made significant strides in this area but I still have a hard time communicating with people. We spoke about how hard it is for me to tell people about things that are upsetting me. I usually bottle them up and then let the pressure build until I explode. I don't think that this is the best way to handle my various relationships but it is what I do.

An example would be when I was in NY with AL and I was upset that she was always walking faster than me and often three steps in front of me. I chose to keep the anger and hurt feelings to myself and I did not tell her on the first day and I would like her to walk next to me. If I had done that I wouldn't have been as mad on the third day and said it in a negative way. I will try to learn from this situation, but I know I like to avoid uncomfortable situations. I also realize that I get the same results when I avoid them.

I feel like the items listed as strengths are spot on and are very telling of who "Candace" is. I was just taking to moorewrites tonight about school, and if it was paid for I would definitely go back for my doctorate. However, I also know that I do not need school in order to learn. I seek those things out every day. I guess this explains why the History Channel is my favorite TV station.

I challenge you to go to this website and take the VIA Survey of Character Strengths. If you do, please report to me your findings. I am very interested.